saa 


PVN Pet SUSI NRE CG deen a Go8 
; se LIL ull Oth th Heche Stee 4 
+ Parte, Fok as sant te dy ow aL ees hes - 
Sees tae, Garatin eerrg PL Baas te kt sai apace y, : 
phi fh ete ke te fr ai tor p “ same: sie ¥ 
Heth st ia aidad sires TAs : MU paceman Hee Rie Mecha a Ay SUS 
: 15. ahs 8 BoC MRM TAK a Paw § abpuhar 
: At: ; i 


ns 


Erovert 


-— 


fait 


+ 


Pero 


f 
Paved 


rg 
Niet 
Be 


‘4 Gata 

ut Rta 2 ek 

att 

Oana 

Peete Ea 
lbs 


y j in Chtan» 
est eviia tert te 
Arenas 


AAS 


Return this book on or before the 
Latest Date stamped below. 


University of Illinois Library 


L161—H41 


Pune 507 
a 


abl? 


ie 
j 


° . . : aii ue 


eed 


1 », q A) 
J oP Tam” tb fh ahees = 2 s Py oy , 


ps://archive.org/de tails/lettersofjdownin0Odavi ies . 


¥ 
i 


®, h 
i jice Fa 
2A ae a ie 


INNS 


SEs 


z | LAC = S HAA 


YZ 
ZZ, 


ey. 
Zz 


Pe 


AFP Em 


MAJOR DOWNING’S 


Leh De Ta aS. 


if Wf 


~ 


AY 


AN 


\\ 
Soy S 


(Fac-Simile. } 


a7: 


(as seen through the “ glorification” Speetacles.) 


PUBLISHED BY HARPER & BROTHERS, 


NO. 82 CLIFF-STREET. 


7 


mT, WH 
YW ES 


Uy UY 


WY, 
dS 
UL 


Gea 


] 
Y 
S 


Uf 
LAA UT Wis 


DIAS 


Political Portrait of Major Downing. 


LETTERS 


I. DOWNING, 
~ > MAJOR, 


DOWNINGVILLE MILITIA, 
SECOND BRIGADE, 


TO 
‘HIS OLD FRIEND, 
MR. DWIGHT, 


OF 


The New-York Daily Advertiser. 


NEW-YORK: 


PUBLISHED BY HARPER & BROTHERA, 
No. 82 CLIFF-STREET, 


1834. 


Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1834, 
By Harrer & BROTHERS, 
In the Clerk’s Office of the Southern District of New-York. 


CONTENTS. 


INTRODUCTION. 
Genuine Original Letter of Major Downing, about this Genuine 
Book, and a Certificate from Zekel Bigelow - - - - 1 
LETTER I. 


The Major contradicts the Report of Drowning—Castle Garden 
—The Advantage of hanging on to the Gineral—Govermor 
Massy’s Pantaloons—Cass’s Wig—Inquisitive Yankee—Mr. 
Van Buren’s Ingenuity in Weaving—His power of assimi- 
lating to every thing, but nothing to him—New Mode of meet- 
ing and returning the Greetings of Multitudes - - - - 13 


LETTER II. 


The Major at Downingville—Preparations for Reception—The 
Grand Tower arrives—The Reception—The Soinerset, and 
dropping, Cat-like, feet first—The Gineral’s good Judgment in 
turning Yankee down East, from Irish down South, in York 
Bite. «oe te ee ee ee a et ae LS 


LETTER III. 


Dance at Downingville—Trying on Coats—The Gineral finds 
his Companions testing thereby Matters involving the Suc- 
cession—Goes back to Washington incog.—The Major finishes 
the rest of the intended Grand Tower alone—Joins the Gineral 
again at Washington—Shaved by Safety-fund Notes—The 
Gineral in a Quandary, and appoints the Major to examine the 


Bank:~ <0 o-,< nt est hagh at Pie se ie ee 29 
LETTER IV. 

Appointment of the Major to visit the Banks—the Two Pol- 

Hesi- =. --4.- 0° = oy spnepoees 7c 0) eK 8 
LETTER V. 

Containing Major Downing’s Official Report on the United 

States Bank, published “By Authority’ - - - - - - 43 


VI CONTENTS. 


LETTER VI. 
The Gineral nm Trouble—He gets wrathy—A “cute” Move in 
Ots-Ven Duren “s°- e e e ws > Bi) 
LETTER VII. 


Major Downing manages the Official Correspondence of the 
Prodident =k simple Government—Peleg Bissel’s Churn 55 


LETTER VIII. 


The Gineral’s regard for the Yankees—Office-seekers—New 
Presidential Recreations - - - - = - = - - - - 65 


LETTER IX. 


The Major gives Notice of his Journey to Philadelphia and New- 
York, to find out where all the Money has gone - - - TI 


LETTER X. 

The Major Visits the U. S. Bank—His Interview with Squire 
Biddle—Conversation with a Quaker—Meddling with the 
Bank dangerous—The Downingville School-house—Zekel 
Bigelow’s Speech - - - -+ - - - - = - = + = 7% 


LETTER XI. 
Major Downing’s Official Correspondence with ‘tne Gover- 
ment.”—He arrives in New-York—His Reception—Zekel 
Bigelow’s Idea of Money-matters, and Banks, and Trade 80 


LETTER XII. 


Major Downing leaves New-York like a Streak—Zekel Bige- 
low turns Broker - - - - =- - - - 86 


LETTER XIII. 
Major Downing’s Call on ‘Squire Biddle’—The importance 
of Congress—The Major arrives at Washington—Wakes the 
President—They talk together of Raccoons and Skunks, and 


gotosleep- - - - - ene - SY ~)in~tiheauO 
LETTER XIV. 

aces Downing’s Proclamation, in aid of the President’s, against 

the Bank .-. = 9+ 0" Sh SOM et em OS 
LETTER XV. 


Favourable News of the Brokers’ Business, from Zekel—Squire 
Biddle a Jackson-man—A real Row in the Long Room—An 
Editor put in advance of the News- - - - - - = - 100 


CONTENTS. vit 


LETTER XVI. 
Trouble in the Cabinet—The use of Vacancies—Amos in a 
Panic—Mr. Van Buren’s Nature and Prospects—A Rat among 
the Barrels- - - - - - = = - = = - = = = - 108 


LETTER XVII. 


Major Downing acknowledges all his juvenile Productions—His 
Apology for writing better now than formerly - - - - 113 


LETTER XVIII. 


Flattering Prospects of the President’s Message—Indian Rights 
and Wrongs - - - ----+ s+ +--+. - - 116 


LETTER XIX. 


The President’s Plan for managing the Bank and the Country— 
Hunt for lost Spectacles—How and where they were found 121 


LETTER XX. 


Account of the important Difference between common “ Specs” 
and Magical Glasses; showing by plain matters of fact how 
much more difficult it is to see through the latter than it is 
fhe formiere: 2-0 aa ial ae. oe ee | oer ot Poe 


LETTER XXI. 


Plan of the President’s Message to Congress—and of a Cabinet 
Supper—Song for the important Occasion—Please not to call 
the Major Jack Downing - - - - - - - - - - + 138 


LETTER XXII. 


Character of Mr. Clay—Art of War—A pitched and drawn Bat- 
tle on the U. S. Bank—Amnesty and Overtures—Truce— 
Statu quo ante bellum—A. Walk—A Button off—Tailor’s Shop 
—The Button Scene—The Major’s Success at a new Trade 
—The Bank worth a Button- - - - - - - - - - 143 


LETTER XXIII. 

Reason for some People’s feeling easy—The Major preparing to 
‘“‘do something” for the Country—A half-kitchen Cabinet 
Council—The Major whittles, to save Time and listen—A 
still busier Man—Scylla and Charybdis—Business planned— 
The Major prepares a Cabinet Paper, and .promises the Gin- 
eral not to send an official Copy of it to the Senate - - 154 


LETTER XXIV. 


Paper read to the Cabinet—The Major’s View of the State of 
e Country and Money Concerns—Everybody’s Concerns—- 


VIII CONTENTS. 


History of the U. S. Bank—A Conestoga Wagon—Its Driver 
and Horses—Other Wagons—Their Men and Beasts—Steam- 
* boats and Banks not different—Skunks and Politicians—Pat- 
_ riotic Appeal, especially addressed to Men with Wives and 
~ Children See lp el ae eo i ee » Oe 


LETTER XXV. 


Exhibition of Messrs. Starks & Co.’s Axe at the Cabinet Cham- 
ber—Sudden Dissolution of the Assembly—Conscience has 
something to do with it—Gratitude of an Old Roman towards 

. a New-Carthaginian - - - - - - - - - - + - 187 


LETTER XXVI. 


Defalcations in the Post-Office—The Major’s Method of letting 
off his own Steam—The Magic Specs screwed to a plain 
Sight—The Gineral takes a look at Things as they really are 
—His Steam up in consequence—The Major’s Notion of the 
real Object of removing the Deposites from the U. S. Bank— 
The Adjustment of Accounts by charging Deficiencies to the 
Account of “Glory and Reform” - - - - - - - - 193 


LETTER XXVII. 


The Gineral tickled by the New-York and New-Jersey Legisla- 
tures—The Charge of Bank Bribery hits the wrong Side— 
An Indian Fashion recommended—An Experiment at heating 
one Boiler at a time—State of the Country—The Nub of the 
Business—Heterodoxy is not my Doxy—A Game, Necro- 
mancy or Financy ; or Van Buren’s Cups and Balls—Trans 

_ fer Checks, Contingent Drafts, and Hocus-Pocus—The Gin- 
eral at bay—The Pack diven off by the Major’s Whip—Scene 
closes with the Safety-Valve open - - - - - - = - 205 


LETTER XXVIII. 


More Nickremancy—The Gineral gets his Hand in—Difference 
between a Tammany-man and other men—Hints at the Origin 
and Object of Safety-fund Banks—Character of moneyed 
Aristocracies—Difference between J and other Folks—A P.S. 
acknowledging the reception of another Present - - 223 


LETTER XXIX. 


Presentation of Committees—The General shows his Skill in 
Reception—A Mistake—The Mechanics not Tammany men 
* —The real Simon Pures Coming—Dennis Mc Loony—Fur- 
ther Particulars promised in the next Letter - - + - 235 


CONTENTS. Ix 


LETTER XXX. 


Some of the real “Simon Pures” at the White House—Awk.- 
wardness of Mr. McLooney, a new Member of the Kitchen 
Cabinet—The General is thereby pothered, and falls into 
sundry Mistakes—Prosperous times at home—A_ Family 
Dinner—Some good Jobs in prospect—A small “ Business 
Transaction” with the Treasury—A general “ Hurraw” for 
“ Glory,” Gic; =e - - fw wi so me mm ol ef O47 


LETTER XXXI. 


A Discussion on Assassination Letters—Reflections thereon— 
The Major exposed to Assassination as well as the General— 
This Diabolical Plot not confined to one Party alone—Dutch 
Dunder and Blixem—The General alarmed at the Sound only 
—A Translation requested, and Reasons for declining it—A 
Lame Trick—Concluded by a ‘“‘Haw-haw” - - - - - 253 


LETTER XXXII. 


The Major thinks of resigning, and the General becomes alarmed 
about it—The Major’s Notions about the ‘No Bank Experi- 
ment”—He is rather stumped—The Government’s Scrape 
with Squire Biddle—The General gets “riled,” and tells a 
Rackoon Story, to show that he understands Banking—The 
Major then tells a curious Story about a very wonderful old 
Hen owned by his Grandmother, the supposed “ barin” of 
which does not exactly please the Cabinet—With other mat- 
ters too tedious tomention - - - - - - - - - - 260 


ee ele RO 


yee Tt ee Ne eke 7 

a a Cunha Fp hl cae ae sie 
‘a gh We i einen Pamh M | 

nh YE Mog ay rode he me Pl eyee 5 

eras r rea? qty teagan ~epotaien WE ys ait 

sien » Weems he FOL AAU rts weeah, os a snio8- ter atk ~ | 


} OTwanwti: Teen Ronyanid aes las sisienaert 
; hs UE eee ee ae | Pan tL 
wis kee ‘ j 
f Seale) ‘ zs © 1 LER ree ae: i ‘a 

oie SHED dba HE cid io’ ces iA of nobuanne aid A 
a a. “pleisansd 9 hun ioe "oat . r ae siz) toe av 
; ; . AL ae iy h ogy ot Daalleos tors lot feoifodarth auft . 
“4 chien bien OL oti dee frost ofa lene a —otonich Mate tabrintl e 

yo pre ab . Stkeen adh be omiouro: ap geet Ard 
‘a Sea eae Oe Vik Feat, 2 » ti oat 
. : Web ty ae: ace aint Matets 2 nagar gest - amen 
| TROL: EGE: 


wa =e, 
‘. r 
} 


Briain hg Ale vf beyareye? fel @ Bate ld Yale leo iC 
; ¥ fan it 6,1 Li a tt jude Pats. 31 ae Bb Ag at i 
. ata Pa MishinO ate 9) i Na eer rane PAE ak We Al 
2s G. atiad Lyte" pelte. abea. livanod okt AUDUS osetia. sf) bu 
: on ti {ftp if apt (LA sato) Hitte ah 3 ate Wroda: ut Note poonsast - 
Peay, iAaeh o's } ey an ae rods Gr yen Peas et i Foo y¥ fasht 1h 
bi “ieiedh pe Santi ee Malt Pratt ' dw ae 
suits waits his'tk- ionb'a! Yo: i. ae. sae Rd ty 61 iat 
Pe eae eae Oe 12 i SS Rie 


With tafsil 


2 : % + 


bra ver wits Ce She ag 
. Poe -* 


INTRODUCTION. 


Genuine Original Letter of Major Downing, about 
this Genuine Book. 
To my old friend Mr. Dwight, of the N. Y. Daily Advertiser. 
Washington, 1st Jan., 1834. 

I sest got a letter from Zekel Bigelow, 
tellin me that a good many folks want to git 
all the letters I writ to you printed in a book, 
for there’s a good many kounterfits goin about, 
and this is the ony way to put a cross on ’em. 
I had a kinder notion the kounterfiters would 
git to work, and that’s the reason why I al- 
ways stuck to your paper—for I was afeard, as 
I said once afore in one of my letters to you, 
that I should git stump’d sometimes myself 
with some of them kounterfits, jest as my old 
friend Captain Jumper, of the Two Pollies, 
and President of the Downingville Bank, was 
a spell ago, when they brought him a bill on 

A 


2 INTRODUCTION. 


his Bank to examin. It was so slick a koun- 
terfit the Captain couldn’t tell himself: but he 
is one of them kind of folks that never says 
nothin to commit himself; so says he, ‘ Now 
it looks like a kounterfit, and now agin it 
don’t ; and so upon the hull I should say it’s 
about midlin.’ 

Zekel says that Mr. Harper & Brothers in 
New-York are master hands at printin books, 
ahd they can turn ’em out there nigh upon as 
fast as Peleg Bissel can wooden clocks. 

There ain’t no use in printin all the letters 
I writ to you afore I started with the Gineral 
on the Grand Tower; for I writ to so many 
folks afore that time, that I can’t tell the gini- 
wine from the kounterfits. But you best be- 
gin where I tell’d you I warn’t drownded, and 
then keep on, and let Zekel look over with 
you and correct the spellin, for he is a master 
hand at that—and he is a real Jackson man, 
too; and I don’t want nothin printed in that 
book unless Zekel and you look well into it, 
‘and see there is no mistake. 

_ Jony wish I had gone to school a leetle 
more when I was a boy—if I had, my letters 
now would make folks crawl all over: but if 
I had been to school all my lifetime, I know I 


INTRODUCTION. 3 


never could be able to write more honestly than 
Ihave. I am sometimes puzzled most plaguily 
to git words to tell jest exactly what I think, 
and what I know ; and when I git ’em, I don’t 
know exactly how to spell ’em—but so long as 
I git the sound, I’ll let other folks git the sense 
on’t—pretty much as our old friend down to 
Salem, who bilt a big ship to go to China—he 
eall’d her the ‘Asha.’ Now there is sich a 
thing as folks knowin too much: all the larned 
ones was puzzled to know who ‘ Asha was; 
and they never would know to this day what it 
ment, if the owner of the ship hadn’t tell’d ’em 
that China was in Asha.” ‘Oh! ah! says the 
larned folks, ‘ we see now—but that ain’t the 
way to spell it.’. ‘ What,’ says he, ‘if A-s-h-a 
don’t spell Asha, what on earth does it spell ? 
And that stump’d ’em. 

Now that’s pretty much all ve got to say 
about my spellin—if folks ain’t too larned when 
they read my letters, they’ll git along pretty 
well; but if they keep thinkin of Latin and 
grammar all the while, they'll be stump’d pretty 
often. When they read my letters, I want 
them, if they don’t know me, jest to keep an 
eye on my likeness in- the book, and all the 
while to keep thinkin that I ama good-natur’d 


4 IN'TRODUCTION 


honest critter as ever marched at the head of 
@ brigade of militia. 

As soon as the book is printed, 1 want you 
to send a copy on’t to the Gineral: he keeps 
all my letters in the newspapers, but he would 
like amazingly to have ’em in a book. 

Tand the Gineral have been lookin over 
the laws about frankin, and we come to the 
notion that as all my letters are on public busi- 
ness, any of our Congressmen can frank ’em 
as public documents. So if you can git a 
good lot on ’em here afore Congress goes hum, 
they will frank ’em all over the country. 

If in any of my letters to you I handle any 
folks without mittins who don’t deserve it, it 
is because I find ’em in bad company. 

Zekel Bigelow wants me to write a Preface 
to the book, and to say somethin about my life ; 
but it’s no use: folks know more about me 
already than I ever tell’d’em, and some know 
a leetle more than I do myself. The Gineral 
says, and I say so too, that it don’t amount 
to nothin to tell when and where a man was 
born, so much as to know how he lives, and 
how, and when, and where he is goin to die— 
that’s a plaguy deal more important. I amas 
true an American, evry inch on me, as ever 


INTRODUCTION. 5 


went barefoot till I could earn mony enuff, by 
my own labour, beyend payin for schoolin, to 
buy me a pair of shoes: and there ain’t a crit- 
ter in the country I would willingly singe if I 
didn’t think he desarv’d it; and when I find 
sich kind of folks in office, I want to sarve ’em 
as Captain Jumper sarves rats in the 'T'wo 
Pollies—-smoke ’em out. As long as I live 
I mean to do all the good I can; and if 
folks will only keep an eye to what I tell ’em, 
things will go strait enuff to rights: but that 
won't be till the people agree to vote for no 
man to any office unless he has got a good 
character, and is capable to do all the duties 
honestly and well, and according to law—but 
if the people put scamps in office, jest because 
they are party-men, things will go on worse 
and worse, and there won’t be no laws but jest 
such laws as will keep these very scamps in 
their offices ; and so, instead of havin laws to 
protect us agin scamps, we'll have scamps to 
make laws for us; and that’s jest turnin 
things the rong eend first. We have got good 
laws now—and all that is wantin to keep ’em 
so, is for the people to see that none but the 
good, and the wise, and the honest git into 
office to execute the laws: and if by any accl- 


6 INTRODUCTION. 


dent a sly chap slips in, we must keep a sharp 
eye on him, and as soon as he goes crooked, 
smoke him out. 

Now this is pretty much all I’ve got to say 
about the book; and as to the Preface to it, 
don’t forgit my face, and the Gineral’s face ; 
and let the likenesses be good and natural. 

Your Friend, 
J. Downine, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


Ir may perhaps be expected that we shall give 
some account of our intercourse with our friend 
Major Downing, previously to the date of the first let- 
ter in the following series; but not foreseeing what 
was likely to grow out of it, we were not careful to 
preserve any of his Communications, before the 
commencement of what he emphatically calls “ The 
Grand Tower.” y 

The Major did not, on his arrival here with “ the 
Gineral,” call on us as he had promised; and, as 
we naturally supposed he was mixed up with 
great folks, above our calibre, we did not call on 
him. We candidly confess, that not esteeming, as 
perhaps we ought to have done, the company he was 
in, we were a little inclined to avoid unnecessary 
familiarity with him. . 

After the “ Grand Tower” left us, and had pro- 


INTRODUCTION. oy | 


.ceeded Eastward, a ‘‘ Coroner’s Inquest” was handed 
us for publication; and it was with an odd mixture 
of regret and pleasure we saw that a body had been 
picked up in the Bay, which, from the description, 
was supposed to be that of the Major—‘ drowned at 
the bridge at Castle Garden ;” and it was published 
by us. . 

This article no sooner met the Major’s eye, than 
he sent us the letter which commences this volume, 
and which we published immediately after its re- 
ceipt. It gave such evidence of there being some- 
thing in “‘ the critter,” that the whole town came to 
us for a printed copy of it, and the papers through. 
out the country gave it an insertion. The Major 
saw, no doubt, that he had at last hit the nail on the 
head; and he continued writing to us, and we as 
often published his letters. His fame soon rose to 
an elevated station: and from his letters exclusively 
to this paper, he owes his exalted reputation; as 
his Letter No. XVII. in this volume fully acknow- 
ledges. 

In offering this volume to the public, we are per- 
fectly aware that much of its contents has already 
been read by the community at large, in the public 
papers. That these letters have experienced a de- 
gree of popularity, of which no other fugitive pro- 
duction of our country can boast, is well known to 
every person who has had an opportunity to see the 
newspapers in various parts of the Union. That they 
discover genius and talents of an original and distin- 
guished character, will be admitted by every com- 
petent judge. The plan of them is new, the satire 


8 INTRODUCTION. 


keen but good-natured, and the humour irresist- 
ibly ludicrous. And when it is considered that all 
the articles which have appeared in the New-York 
Daily Advertiser, under the signature of “J. Down- 
in¢, Masor, oF DowninevitLe Minitia, 2p Bricapr,” 
and are republished in this volume, are the work of 
one hand, the fact will afford conclusive evidence of 
the truth of the remark just made respecting the 
author’s genius and talents. 
THEODORE DWIGHT, 
Editor of the N. Y. Daily Advertiser, 
and the Friend of Major Downing. 
New-York, January, 1834. 


ZEKEL BIGELOW’S CERTIFICATE. 


This is to sartify, that I have, accordin to the direc- 
tion of my friend Major Downing, carefully exam- 
ined and corrected the spellin of all the Letters pub- 
lished in this Book and written by him. I find them 
to be the rale genuine Letters from him to his friend 
Mr. Dwight. The originals in his own handwritin 
have been all shown to me by Mr. Dwight, and 
there cant be no mistake, as I know Major Down- 
ing’s handwritin as well as Ido my own; andasa 
proof cn’t, I got the Gravers to copy one of his Sig- 
natures, which may be found at the bottom of the 
Picture of the “ Downingville folks,” and it is as 
much like the original handwritin of Major Down- 
ing, as old John Hancock’s is of hisen to the Declar- 
ation of Independence. 

And then, too, as to the likenesses of the Down- 
ingville folks, they are all as true as natur. 

The Major is on top, and is in his cock’d hat and 
regimentals, jist as he looks a training days. The 
next head under his nose is old Joshua Downing ; 
the next below Uncle Joshua is Sargent Joel; and 
facin the Sargent is my own likeness, with the like- 
ness of Deacon Willoby betwixt us. Right above 
my own likeness is Peleg Bissel’s ; and in the middle 


10 MR. BIGELOW’S CERTIFICATE. 


of the hull on ’emisthe Deacon’s darter. I thought 
I best put her as nigh her father and the Major as I 
could—and I know it will tickle the Major most des- 
perately ; for he has had a sneakin notion arter her 
ever since we had a raisin at Downingville of the 
Deacon’s fullin-mill; but the Deacon never would 
give his consent on ’count of the Major’s military no- 
tions; but now that the Major has got up in the 
world, the Deacon don’t talk so much agin the Major, 
but has ben heard to say, if he was sartin the Gin- 
eral and the Major would hold together a spell, he 
wouldn’t stand agin his darter’s goin and joinin the 
Goverment. So there is no tellin yet what will 
come on’t. That’s the talk at Downingville, but I 
don’t know nothin sartin about it myself; but I 
thought it was right to tell all I know, on ’count of 
other women folks, who may be curious to know 
consarnin sich matters. 

As the Major has said a good deal about me in 
his Letters, there ain’t much use of my sayin much 
on that score. I left Downingville shortly arter the 
grand tower finished there, and sold off my packin- 
yard and moved to this city. I was pretty sartin, 
as things was going, there was about to be ashower 
of good things among some folks, and that Wall- 
street was jest the place to run my net; and con- 
siderin that it has ben pretty tuff times with a good 
many, I hain’t got much to complain on, seein that 
Tain’t oblig’d to ride home in an omnibus, or go on 
foot nother, every day to dinner ; but can go in my 
own carriage, which comes down for ine jist arter 
bank hours. I considered a considerable spell afore 


MR. BIGELOW’S CERTIFICATE. ll 


I made up my mind what to do when I got to New- 
York. I founda good many societies here, but ony 
one on ’em seem’d to meet my notions—or, rather, 
I could ony find one in which I thought I could do 
more good than in any other, and that was “ The 
Society for the Relief of distressed Merchants ;” and 
so I join’d that jest in the very nick of time—for I 
have ben as busy ever since I join’d it as ever I was 
in sortin and packin mackerel when our fishermen 
got home. 

I thought I would jest mention this whilst my 
hand was in, to let folks know where I be, who may 
want assistance from this Society. I don’t like to 
underrate nobody, but I can say, if any one needs 
assistance in my line, if they don’t say arter gettin it 
of me, that they have got it a leetle the slickest, 
then my name ain’t 

ZEKEL BIGELOW, 
Broker and Banker, 
Wall-street, New-York. 


id aia - 


Panay * qu 6b 
f stat wee? eae yeigere et at: i fet 
Py. 1s are atia ye Pyles ee ae TF irae Ns WE ae 
ie ii feicoat £ #2 Me He Geo ee eae b's T2" 
p> Big Chel’ fain” 4a QF nt? 2 wT 

¥y yoink ‘fot ig sayy a weir” 


‘ 


‘f ‘Sst bate BS a ¥ Ga 


nis iit ot a ay. oveal 


er ae calor at 


tie 


: ' 
ss Se 


7 o 
itn: ; ’ 
er : 


fee tact #- Leer ta 
hey profs i purhlay tepngd ity, tee ; oF ; rPew > qf 


P a 3 % am NE 


ee Stic ty f Aki tl inf Cas J Tes it sua tareey itis 
eta Sy ie ita on’ thy sali ‘gtivrébag 
9h teed Gate ae AG sy Lica 1 Fait yn bis uuniaiais 
(sil ait ahet iy | Wh, ariel woul! \ anh Sit Zo 

me ; “Pee er re ay reeks 


x ¢ 


" y 
i Ny i 
iN yi 
AW 
NAT 

] ma 


= 


Le 
ii 


My 


Landing at the Battery. —p. 13. 


% 
my, 


LETTERS 
OF 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 


LETTER I. 


FROM THE NEW-YORK DAILY ADVERTISER. 


[ We are happy to learn that the announcement of the sup- 
posed death by drowning, which appeared in this paper a few 
days ago, was a mistake, and that the distinguished individual, 
Major Downing, is sound and well, down East. We have strong 
hopes of hearing frequently from him, touching his and the Presi- 
dent’s tour.—Eds.] 


Boston, 25th June, 1833. 

Mr. Eprror,—lI have seen in your paper a 
‘Crowner’s Inquest,’ saying I was drowned 
at the bridge at Castle Garden, and picked 
up down in York Bay. ‘This is a tarnal lie 
and I wish you to say so; I did not so much 
as get my feet wet when the bridge fell, 
though it was a close shave, I tell you. I was 
riding right alongside the Gineral,—if any 
thing, a little ahead on him. But this aint 


the only thumper I’ve heard about that scrape. 
3 B 


14 LETTERS OF 


I have heard it said, that Mr. Van Buren had 
sawed the string-pieces under the bridge 
(anybody may guess for what) ; but that can’t" 
be so, for he was right behind the Gineral 
when the bridge fell, and all the folks were 
floundering in the mud and water. I thought 
he was gone, too, for he was right in the 
thickest on ’em. Jand the Gineral clapt in 
the spurs, and we went quick enough through 
the crowd on the Battery; and the first thing 
I saw was Mr. Van Buren hanging on the tail 
of the Gineral’s horse, and streaming out 
behind as straight as old Deacon Willoby’s 
cue, when he is a little too late to meetin. 
Some of the folks said it look’d like the 
‘Flying Dutchman,’ and some said something 
about ‘Tam O’Shanter; but never mind, we 
snaked him out of that scrape as slick asa 
whistle. Idon’t believe any one was drowned ; 
but some did get a mortal ducking. I never 
see such a mess: they went in there like 
frogs—and such an eternal mixing—colonels, 
and captains, and niggers, and governors, and 
sailors, and all: it made no odds which went 
first, or what end was uppermost. And when 
we got up to the tavern, where we put up 
over night, I and the Gineral had a real laugh 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 15 


to see all our folks coming in one arter an- 
other. Gov. Cass had a bandanna tied round 
his head,—‘ What,’ says J, ‘Governor, are 
youhurt? ‘Not as [knows on,’ says he; ‘but 
I lost my wig.’ And sure enough, come to 
take off the handkercher, his wig was gone. 
‘Well, says I, ‘Governor, you’ve got the 
whole Indian trik2s in your department, and 
it is a hard case if you can’t get a scalp to 
suit you.’ And the Gineral snorted right out 
at this. And then come Gov. Massy; and 
he had his pantaloons rip’d from the waist. 
band clean down to the knee. ‘ Well,’ says I, 
‘this beats all natur; it will cost more than 
fifty cents to mend them.” ‘Never mind, 
Massy,’ says the Gineral, ‘if you can’t get 
them are pantaloons mended, the State ’ll give 
you a new pair.” And then we all snorted 
and sniker’d, I tell you. 

I suppose it won’t amount to nothing to 
tell you what we did in York; for it seems 
to me every living cretur was there. I 
never see such a crowd in all creation; and 
it has been just so al] the while up to this 
hour. 

I’ve got the rumatiz now all over me—I 
ha’nt had my hat on for nearly three weeks. 


aS ee 


16 LETTERS OF 


As soon as we go out, I take one side and the 
Ginerai t’other, and once in a while we change 
sides, and keep it up, bowing right and left. 
I like that better than shakin hands, for I can 
stand it now, and with one swing bow over 
five thousand folks at once, and we can’t 
shake off half that number before breakfast. 
Mr. Van Buren gets along pretty well here 
among the Yankees, considering ; but he has 
got his hands full, I tell you. ‘They don’t 
hurra here quite as much as they do down 
south, but kinder like to talk-over things, 
you know, and we've got plaguey little time 
for that. ‘Major, says Mr. Van Buren, one 
day, ‘I wish you would do all the talkin with 
these manufactory folks—you have a nack 
that way. ‘Well, says I, ‘I don’t know but 
I have, but,’ says J, ‘Mr. Van Buren, I guess 
you can talk as glib as most folks.’ So he 
ean: for Ido raly believe, if Mr. Van Buren 
was to set up a factory, he would turn out 
cloth that would suit any kind of living 
cretur, and no one could tell whether it was 
made of cotton or flax, hemp or wool—twilled, 
or plain-striped, or checker’d—but little of all 
on ’em. I never see such a curious cretur as 
he is—evry body likes him, and he likes evry 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 17 


body ; and he is just like evry body; and yet, 
in all the droves of folks I’ve seen since I left 
Washington, I never saw any body like Mr. 
Van Buren. Enos Lyman gota painter to 
try and get a likeness of Mr. Van Buren, for 
his sign-board to the tavern, on the road to 
Tanton. ‘ Well, now,’ says I, ‘just put up 
your brushes; you may just as well try to 
paint a flash of heat-lightning in dog-days.’ 
But he tried it, and the sign-board looks about 
as much like Mr. Van Buren as a salt cod-fish 
looks like a pocket handkercher. 

We start to-morrow morning down east, 
and I sha’nt be able to write another word till 
arter we have been to Downingville. Tm 
going on ahead to lend Sergant Joel a hand to 
get things to rights there; and if you don’t 
hear of cracking work down there, that will 
make ’em stare, ’m mistaken. The Gineral 
is amazingly tickled with the Yankees; and 
the more he sees on ’em, the better he likes 
’em. ‘No nullification here, Major,’ says he. 
‘No, says I, ‘Gineral: Mr. Calhoun would 
stand no more chance down east here, than a 
stump’d-tail bull in fly time.’ 

J. Downtne, Major, 


Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 
B2 


18 LETTERS OF 


LETTER ILI. 


To the Editor of the New-York Daily Advertiser. 
Downingville, 29th June, 1833. 

Dear Si1r,—This is going to be rather a 
lengthy letter. We've had real times. I be- 
gun to feel pretty streaked for our folks when 
I see what was done on Boston Common, and 
over there to little Cambridge. I told you I 
was going on here to get things to rights; and 
when I got here, I found ’em in a terrible taken 
about. that crowner’s lie down in York Bay. 
There was nothin at all goin on. : 
| I went full drive down to the meetin-house, 
and got hold of the rope, and pull’d away like 
smoke, and made the old bell turn clean over. 
The folks come up thick enough then to see 
what was to pay, and filled the old taberna- 
cle chock full, and there was more outside than 
you could count.. ‘ Now,’ says I, ‘I spose you 
think there’s going to be preaching here to- 
day, but that is not the business. The Gine- 
ral.is comin.’ ‘That was enough— Now,’ 
says I, ‘be spry. I tell’d the Gineral last 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 19 


winter he’d see nothing till he got down here, 
and if we don’t make him stare then there’s 
no snakes. Where’s Captain Finny? says I. 
‘Here I be, says he; and there he was, sure 
enough: the crittur had just come out of his 
bush-pasture, and had his bush-hook with him. 
Says I, ‘Captain Finny, you are to be the 
marshal of the day.’ Upon that he jumps 
right on eend. ‘ Now,’ says I, ‘where is Seth 
Sprague, the schoolmaster? ‘Here I be,’ 
says he; and there he stood with his pitch- 
pipe up in the gallery, just as if I was going 
to give out the salm for him. ‘ You just pocket 
your pitch-pipe, says I, ‘Seth, and brush up 
your larnin, for we have pitched on you to 
' write the address. —‘ Why, Major,’ says Zekiel 
| Bigelow, ‘I thought I was to do that, and I’ve 
got one already.’ ‘But, says I, ‘you don’t 
‘know nothing about Latin; the Gineral 
can’t stomack any thing now without its got 
Latin in it, ever since they made a Doctor on 
|him down there to Cambridge t’other day ; 
but howsever,’ says J, ‘you shall give the ad- 
dress after all, only just let Seth stick a little 
Hog-latin into it here and there. And now,’ 
says J, ‘all on you be spry, and don’t stop 
stirrin till the pudden’s done.’ 


20 LETTERS OF 


Then they begun to hunt for hats, and 
down the gallery-stairs they went. And if 
there’d been forty thanksgivens and inde- 
pendence days comin in a string, I don’t be- 
lieve there could be more racket than there 
was in Downingville that afternoon and night. 

By ten o’clock next morning all was ready. 
I had ’em all stationed, and I went out and 
come back three or four times across the brook 
‘by the potash, to try’em. I got a white hat. 
on, and shag-bark stick, put some flour on my 
head, and got on to my sorrel horse, and 
looked just as much like the old gentleman as 
Icould. Arter tryin them two or three times, 
I got ’em all as limber as a with, and the last 
time I tried ’em, you’ve no idee, it went off just 
as slick as ile. 

‘Now,’ says I, ‘tenshon the hull! Stand 
at ease till you see me agin;’ and then I 
streaked it down to old Miss Crane’s tavern, 
about two miles off, and waited till the Gine- 
ral come along; and afore I had mixed a 
second glass of switchel up they came, and 
the Gineral looked as chirk and lively as a 
skipper. 

‘Now,’ says J, ‘ Gineral, we are going right 
into Downingville, and no man here is to give — 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 21 


any orders but myself, and I said this loud 

enough for Mr. Van Buren and Governor 
Woodbury and all on ’em to hear me, and 
they were all as hush arter that as cows ina 
clover-lot. Then we all mounted, and on we 
went—I and the Gineral a leetle a-head on 
?em. And when we crossed the brook, says I, 
‘don’t be afeard of the string-pieces here, Gin- 
eral—we aint in York now.’ ‘Tl follow you, 
Major, says he, ‘through thick and thin—I 
feel safe here.’ 

Jest as we got on the nole on tother side the 
brook, we come in sight of Downingville. 
The Gineral riz right up in his stirrups, and 
pointed with his hickory, and says he, ‘ Major, 
that’s Downingville’ Says I, ‘that’s true 
enuf, and I should like to hear any one say it 
aint, says I—‘for the sight on’t makes me 
crawl all over, and whenever I hear any one 
say one word agin it, I feel as tho’ I could 
take him, as I have done streaked snakes, by 
the tail, and snap his head off’ ‘Why,’ says 
the Gineral, ‘I knew that was Downingville 
as soon as my eye caught a glimpse on’t. I'd 
go,’ says he, ‘ Major, east of sunrise any day 
to see sich a place.’ The Gineral was tickled 
to pieces, and I thought I should go myself 


22 LETTERS OF 


right through my shirt-collar—for, you see, 
the Gineral never see sich a sight afore. 

Seth Sprague had put the children all on 
the school-house—you couldn’t see an atom 
of the roof—with green boughs, and singing 
a set piece he had made ; and when I and the 
Gineral passed by they made it all ring agin, 
I tell you ; whether it was his facing the sun 
or what, but he looked as if he was e’eny jist 
a going tocry (for he is a mazin tender-hearted 
crittur). Jist then Sargent Joel, who had 
charge of the field-piece in front of the meetin- 
hous, touched her off; and didn’t she speak! 
This composed the Gineral in a minute—says — 
he, ‘ Major, I shouldn’t want nothing better — 
than a dozen of them guns to change the 
boundry-line along here jest to suit you—but 
look, Major, what on earth has got into Mr. 
Van Buren’s horse? Sure enough, Sargent 
Joel had put in a leetle too much waddin, if 
any thing, and Enoch Bissel, as sly as a 
weasel, slipped in a swad of grass, that hit 
Mr. Van Buren’s horse, and set him capering 
till he kinder flung him. I was as wrathy as 
murder; says I, ‘where is he? and I arter 
him full split—he was clippin it across the 
orchard, so that you might put an egg on his 


> ede —— SSS 


SO 


ag 


t 


x 
a 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 23 


coat-flap, and it wouldn’t role off. I streaked 
it round the corner of the stone-fence to head 
him—but afore I got to him he ketched Mr. 
Van Buren’s horse, and was clearing out of 
the county—and afore this he is ames enough 
in the Province. 

They tell different stories about it, but Dea- 
con Willoby saw the hull on it, and he says 
Mr. Van Buren hung on like a lamper-eel, till 
he was kinder jerked up like a trounced toad, 
and he came down on the horse’s rump jist 
as he kicked up behind, and that sent him 
clean over the fence into the Deacon’s potato- 
patch. He turned over so fast in the air you 
could not tell one end from tother ; but his feet 
struck first, and he stood there, the Deacon 
says, and made as handsome a bow to the folks 
as if nothing on earth had happened to him. 

The review of Captain Finny’s company 
did take the shine off them are Boston and 
Salem sogers, I tell you ; but they was all so 
keen arter the Gineral that all J and Captain 
Finny could do, we couldn’t keep the line 
strait; and they all got into such a snarl, that 
you might as well try to straiten a sheep’s 
wool. 

The bell was ringing all the while; two 


24 LETTERS OF 


people was up there with stone hammers 
poundin on her, caze Uncle Josh had gone 


and took the bell-rope, and tied one eend on’t — 


to the steeple, and carried the tother eend 


over to the Deacon’s chimbly, more than — 
twelve rods off; and every inch on’t was 
hung full of flags, and where there wa’n’t no — 
flags, he had got all the cloth out of the 
fullin-mill; and the gals and Downingville- 


boys had gin all their handkerchers, and 


gowns, and flannel shirts, and it was so high © 
up, and the wind kinder shook’em all together — 


so you couldn’t tell a checked shirt from an 
old Continental. The Gineral was tickled 
half to death; says he, ‘Major, that looks 


about right.’ ‘It does so,’ says I; ‘Gineral, — 


if that ain’t union, I don’t know.’ He’s as. 


keen as a brier to catch any thing cunnin; 


he don’t care where he is, he snorts right out. 

As soon as we got down to the meetin- 
house door, Zekil Bigelow gin the address ; it 
was stuck full of Latin words here and there, 
like burs in a stray sheep’s fleece. Zekil is a 
knowin cretur: he keeps a packin-yard, and 
salts down more fish than any man in three 


counties round: he don’t know so much about 


Latin as some folks, but he did get along with 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 25 


_ his address most curious. He thank’d the 


Gineral for comin to Downingville in the first 
place, and then he thank’d him for his procla- 
mation, and for presarvin the Union, and 


threw in the salt, and the nitre, and pickle, 


and when he come to talk of the nullifiers, 
he cut and shaved, and made the scales fly, I tell 
you. Every hair on the Gineral’s head stood 
strait on eend. And there stood that cretur 
Zekiel right afore him, talking like a book, 


and his head was as smooth, and every hair 
on it slicked down with a dipped candle; and 


that are kew of his wo’d tell the folks behind 
which way his eye turned jest as well as 
though they was lookin strait in his face— 
caze it kinder lodged on his collar, and every 
time he looked up, it would stand still a minet, 
and point right strait up in the air. 

Then cum the Gineral’s turn,—his heart 
was so full, he could but jest speak, and I was 
jist agoin to begin for him, when out he 
came :— 

‘My friends, says he, ‘though I tell’d ’em 


-down south my father was an Irishman, and 


my mother, too, I am as clear a Yankee (and 
he turned, and lookin round him, slap’d his 


hand on my shoulder), as the Major himself,’ 
Cc 


26 LETTERS OF 


says he, ‘and he knows it.’ ‘So I do, says I, 
‘Gineral, I tell’d’em all so often enough’ ‘1 
will presarve the Union, I'll be hang’d and’ 
choak’d to death if I don’t; and when I want 
pickle I know where to find it. Iam glad to 
hear you say that salt petre once in a while 
is good—I always thought so—and if the 
Constitution spiles in my hands for the want 
of it, I wont stand another election.” Here 
the Gineral was goin to stop, but, says J, in 
his ear, ‘You must give ’em a little Latin; 
Doctor.’ - Here he off hat agin— E pluribus 
unum,’ says he, ‘my friends, sine qua non.’ 
‘That'll do, Gineral,’ says I; and then we 
turn’d to, and shook all the folks round ‘till 
dinner time, and then we made the bake 
beans and salt pork fly, and the cider too, I 
tell you. The folks hadn’t eat nothin since 
T got on to the ground. Arter dinner I tell’d 
the Gineral about that are blasted rascal, 
Enoch Bissel, who tucked in the grass waddin. 
‘That’s the same fellow,’ says I, ‘Major 
Barry turn’d out of the Post Office. I knew 
he was a scamp, and if he wasn’t then, he ‘is 
now. ‘Why, Major,’ says the Gineral, ‘it was 
jest. so with that infernal rascal Randolf; if 
he didn’t desarve what I gin him afore he 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 27 


attacked me, he sartinly did afterwards, and 
where’s the odds? ‘Plaguey little, says I, 
‘ Gineral.’ 

To-night we’re goin to a quiltin at Uncle 
Josh’s. Miss Willoby, the Deacon’s eldest 
darter, is sprucin up for it. She is rather too 
old to be handsome, but she is a keen cretur. 
The Gineral and Mr. Van Buren both talk about 
her considerable. If the Gineral don’t keep 
‘a sharp look out, Mr. Van Buren will go clean 

~»,ahead on him on that tack; for he is the per- 
litest cretur amongst the women you ever 
see. ‘I'he Gineral says he must have some 
of our Yankee gals in the cabinet next winter, 
and I kinder have a notion there will be some 
hitchin teems doune here abouts afore we 
quit. 

We shall go strait from here to Saratogue, 
and wash inside and out there. I expect 
we shall all need washin afore we get 
there. 

This is the longest letter I ever writ in all 
my life, but ’m to hum now. It would cost 
you a good many of your odd ninepenses, I 
guess, to pay the postage, if it want for the 
President—he franks all my letters—and that 
aint what he does for most folks. 


28 LETTERS OF 


I may tell you about the quiltin frolic to- 
night, in my next, but I wont promise; for I 
have jest as much as I can do here, to do all 
the chores for the Gineral, and write near 
about fifty letters a day for him. 

Yours to sarve, 
J. Downrne, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


Views 3 


7 ae eal 


LFA; 
Ze 


Ail 
4 


* 
oe 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 29 


LETTER III. 


Cause of the sudden termination of the President's 
Eastern Tour—Dance at Downingville--Trying on 
the Gineral’s coat. 


On my way from Saratogue to Washington. 
Part land, part water—but all steam. July 14, 1833. é 


Dear Sir,—Ever since I wrote to you 
from Downingville that plaguy long letter, I 
ha’nt writ one letter, except for the President ; 
so all the accounts you have seen since are a 
pack of lies. I thought I would wait to see 
what they would say about the Gineral’s goin 
hum so sudden, and the cause on’t, before I 
tell’d you all about it. Now this is the hull 
gn’t—You remember [ tell’d you we were all 
goin that night to a quiltin at Uncle Josh’s ; 
well, we did go, and we had a great time on’t, 
you may depend. But it endid in trouble, 
and split all our folks up into kindlin-wood. 
Arter the quiltin, they cleared away the kiver- 
lids and knock’d up a dance. The Gineral 
led off the old Deacon’s darter, and afore he 
got half down he began to smoke; so he off 
coat, and at it agin, and went clean through. 

- c2 


30 LETTERS OF 


I kept my eye on Mr. Van Buren, who was 
not dancing then, but was ready to cut in in 
case the Gineral giv out. As soon as this 
dance was over, he sliped round and wispered 
somethin to the fidler, and then told the folks 
he’d like to show ’em a new dance. Cass, 
and Woodberry, and all on us run off to git 
partners, and all made for the Deacon’s darter, 
for she was as spruce and as fine as a fiddle, 


but she was engaged to Mr. Van Buren. 


That crittur, it seems, had secured her*for the 
second dance, whilst we were all at dinner 
talking politics. 

We had all been drinkin putty considerable 
of switchel, and cider, and egg-pop, with a 
little New England in it, and felt good-natur’d 
and wrathy jest as it turned up, and come 
plaguy nigh havin a fight right off—for I 
didn’t kinder like that move of Mr. Van Buren’s. 
However, I thought I wouldn’t spile sport, 
seein I was to hum, and they all strangers: 
the Gineral tell’d me to let him alone, and he’d 
put things to rights: sure enuf, he work’d 
round, and putall the folks in a ring, so there 
warn’t no top nor no bottom, they were all 
kinder head and kinder tail. ‘ Now,’ says he, 
‘Yl call the figers,—and the fiddle began— 
and such a caperen you never see. ‘First 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 31 


dance to your partners, says he; and at it 
they went, he all the while figerin in the 
middle with the Deacon’s darter. | After shuf- 
flin away at this, the tune changed, and he 
called out,—‘ Change partners, and shuffle the 
next ;’ and so they chang’d, and shuffled and 
changed, one arter another, till. each one 
danced clean round the ring. ‘Now, says 
he, ‘all hands round—turn partners half round 
—cross over with a swing—back agin—right 
and left—riggledown and shuffle’ and you 
never see sich a snarl—there warn’t one on 
’em had the partner he started with. Unkle 
Josh, who led off old Miss Sprague, Seth’s 
mother, had got Zekil Bigelow’s youngest 
darter; Sargent Joel was dancing with the 
Deacon ; and Cass and Woodberry stood back 
to back shufflin to nobody; and there was 
that crittur Mr. Van Buren, with the Deacon’s 
darter, shavin it down, right along side the 
fidler, clean up head, and just then he twitch’d 
the bow out of the fidler’s hand, and gin ita 
draw over a candle, and that puta stop to 
the music for that night. The Gineral 
snorted; says he, ‘Major, I tell’d you he’d 
put things strait—'tis just so in my Cabinet— 
he’s a master crittur to put things to rights 


a 


32 LETTERS OF 


there; and when we all got in that plaguy 
snarl there, he cut and shuffled them up, and 
afore we could say Jack Robinson, all the 
troublesome fellers were shuffled out.’ ‘He’s 
a master hand at it,’ says J, ‘sure enuff.’ As 
there was an eend of the dance, all the galls 
off shoes and stockins, and went hum, caze it 
was kinder muddy ; and we all went to the 
tavern, and the Gineral went to bed. We all 
then began to plan for the next day, but some 
of the folks was plaguy crusty. Seth Sprague 
wanted to show his school-house ; Zekil Big- 
elow wanted all on us to go to his packin- 
yard; and the Deacon said he would like to 
show us his fullin-miil, and give a kinder 
thanksgivin ; but nothin seemed to go right. 
We concluded to call the Gineral, and so I 
went in, but he was so sound asleep I thought 
it wouldn’t do to wake him; so, for a kinder 
sport, I brought out his hat, and coat, and 
hickory. ‘Now,’ says I, ‘ this is all I can get 
of the Gineral to-night, and we'll all try on, 
and whoever they fit best, shall decide what’s © 
to be done’ and we put Zekil in the chair as 
moderator. Woodberry was just goin to take 
off his coat, when Zekil, and nigh upon all on 
‘em, said he carried a leetle to much blubber, 


ral E. 


ih rT se 
i mn 
THC eaten 


\W 
SF 


Mr. Van Buren trying on the General’s Coat.—p. 33. 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 33 


and he stood aside and didn’t try at all. Cass 
off coat and put on the Gineral’s, and it fitted 
him toa hair; but the Gineral’s hat was a 
leetle too small for him. Mr. Van Buren’s 
turn came next: as soon as he put on the 
coat, he riz on his toes; but it would not do; 
it kivered him to his heels, and the hat fell 
on his shoulders, and you couldn’t see nothin 
onearth of him. ‘How does that look, Zekil? 
says he. ‘Why,’ says Zekil, ‘it looks plaguy 
curious.’ ‘Is the coat too long, or am I too 
short? says Mr. Van Buren. ‘ Well, I don’t 
know exactly which,’ says Zelkil, ‘Vl think 
on’t to rights.” ‘That’s right, Zekil, says J, 
‘don’t commit yourself;’ and then they all 
kinder snickered; and the laugh went agin 
Mr. Van Buren. ‘Now, my friends,’ says 
Mr. Van Buren, ‘one word, and I’m done—it 
is not, and never has been, and never will be 
my wish to fit the coat and hat exactly ; but I 
think that whoever wears either should be 
least seen.’ ‘Well,’ says Zekil, ‘that’s my 
notion too ;? and that kinder turned the laugh 
tother way. 

Then cum my turn; but I see how the cat 
jump’d, ‘so,’ says I, ‘I'll jest step out and rig 
in another room: and I went strait to the 


34 LETTERS OF 


Gineral, and woke him up, and tell’d him all 
about it—he was as wrathy as thunder—and 
when he gets his dander up, it’s no joke, I tell 
you. So in he went. ‘Well, says Zekil, 
‘if I hadn’t seen the Major look jest so this 
mornin, I’d swear that was the Gineral him- 
self’? The Gineral then gin ’em all a hard 
look, and said somthin, but a plaguy leetle 
softer ; and the cat was out of the bag—and 
then cum trouble. ‘What,’ says he, ‘all on 
ye Presidents, hey! who has been trying on 
my coat? ‘They wereallasmum as a Quaker 
meetin. ‘V’ll start by daylight,’ says he, 
‘for Washington.”—‘ Major,’ says he, ‘do you 
go by the way you have plann’d, and tell the 
folks that I can’t cum; for may I be etar- 
nally’ That will do,’ says I, ‘ Gineral.’ 
And with that he gin ’em all a real hard look, 
and went to bed. The next mornin,’ sure 
enuf, he was off, Mr. Van Buren and some 
others with him. Cass hung back: and I 
streaked it round through New-Hampshire, 
cut across the edge of Massachusetts, Con- 
necticut, and Vermont, and into York State, 
and smack up to. Saratogue. “T'was well I 
did so, for the folks were all waitin. I tell’d 
‘em all jest one story, for it was no use to tell 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 35 


any other, for the rail-road and steamboats go 
so plaguy fast, afore I was done telling the 
folks in one town I was in another; and 
how on earth Mr. Van Buren manages it, or 
could expect me to tell the masons one story, 
and the anti-masons another, I can’t tell. 
Finding, when I got to Saratogue, all the 
flashy folks was at Congress Hall, I put up 
there too; and it’s close alongside the spring. 
Mr. Wescot was right glad to see me, and I 
had a real time there for a week. There was 
a swod of fine folks, and dreadful handsome 
galls; and the house was nigh upon chuck 
full. They all wanted to know about the 
Gineral, and I tell’d ’em pretty considerable 
about it, and that we was all on our own hook, 
now, pretty much. And I don’t see but what 
I stand about as good a chance to be President 
as anyon ’em. I met aman from Georgia 
there, 6 feet 9 inches high;a real good fellow. 
Most all these southern folks are good fellows, 
if you don’t say nothin about the Tariff, nor - 
freein the niggers; but they talk pretty big— 
I know how to manage them, the Gineral 
tell’d me a secret about that—says he ‘ Major, 
when they say they can hit a dollar, tell ’em 
you can hit a fourpence happenny.’ This 


36 LETTERS OF 


Georgian and I had a good many talks about 
politics, but we both thought alike, and didn’t 
quarrel about that; and he tell’d me Georgia 
would go for me, arter the Gineral, as soon as 
any north of mason and dickson. Says he, 
‘Can you shoot a rifle, Major?’ ‘ Pretty con- 
siderable, says I. ‘Ican hit achip in the air, 
says he, ‘5 times out of 6 shots. Says I, 
‘Well, I can beat that, I guess, for I can hit 
one 7 times in 4 shots. ‘Well,’ says he, 
‘that’s enuf, we won’t waste powder, and I 
knock under.’ Says he, ‘Major, I reckon I 
can drink more Saratogue water than you,’ 
‘ll bet a York shillin of that,’saysI. ‘ Done,’ 
says he—and we stak’d themoney. Says he, 
‘Mr. Wescot, give me a pitcher, —and down 
he went to the spring. This kinder made the 
folks think I was swamp’d. But I went 
round to Patten’s stable, and got a bucket, and 
down I went to the spring; and as soon as 
he saw me, he smashed his pitcher in a minet. 
Says he ‘ Major, I knock under.’ | 

I swash’d her round there, at Saratogue, 
for a week, I tell you. I drank nigh upon 5 
buckets every morning; and I am as clear 
now as a whistle. I am only sorry I didn’t 
bring Seth Sprague along with me, with his 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. “137 


pitch-pipe, jist to take the shine off of them 
’ere singers at Mr. Wescot’s house ; he’d beat 
ary one on ’em. 

I got a letter from the Gineral yesterday, 
telling me to cum on to Washington as 
soon as steem can bring me; and I’m goin 
there like a streek of chain-lightning. I’m 
afeard there’s more trouble there. That new 
dance at Uncle Josh’s, and trying on the 
Gineral’s coat and hat among ’em, has kinder 
knock’d noses; and I and the Gineral will 
have our hands full to get things to rights, 
and rig up a new message for the next Con- 
gress. 

I remain etarnally yours, 
J. Down1ne, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 
D 


38 LETTERS OF 


LETTER IV. 


Appoiniment of the Major to visit the Banks—the two 
Pollies. 


To my Old Friend. 
Washington, July 24, 1833. 

Dear S1r,—The last letter I wrote to you 
was on my way from Saratogue to Washing- 
ton. I got safe to the White House about 
midnight, and the only crittur awake there 
was Mr. Van Buren, who I found pretty busy 
writing letters about a Convention he is arter. 
He was dreadful glad to see me, for he said 
the President did’nt want him to leave before 
Icum. He wanted to be off north himself. 
He said the President was also getting a little 
shaky about the Bank, jist because he found, 
when he got to Washington, some of our folks 
had taken in change some counterfeit ‘ Safety 
Fund’ bills, and also other small bills that 
won't go—‘ why, darn it,’ says I, ‘Mr Van 
Buren, Iam glad to hear that, case I’ve got 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 39 


some real shaves myself in that way, and I 
was plaguy fraid I was the only one ;’ and so 
I out with my seal-skin wallet, and I showed 
him amesson’em. There was Green County 
—Columby—Middle District—Belchertown— 
-Wiscasset—Monmouth—Tombugby—F rank- 
lin — Winthrop — Greenburgh — Hallowell— 
Passamaquoddy—and the plague knows what- 
all; and some on ’em had Mr. Van Buren’s 
head on one eend. ‘ Now,’ says I, ‘ who is to 
stand this racket? for I won’t, caze you told 
us all afore we started on this frolic not to 
have nothing to do with ‘ Biddle’s Bills,—so 
I'll jist hand them over to the Treasury De- 
partment, and let ’em go with that mess of 
‘State Bank Paper’ already there—it won’t 
make a mighty difference, and we need not 
bother the Gineral about it.’ 

The next morning I saw the Gineral, and 
we had a real shaking. He was dreadful 
glad to see me. Says he, ‘Major, do you 
know I’m stump‘d about that ’ere Bank arter 
all (You see he is a rale business man ; he 
goes right at it off-hand, and when he gits one 
thing in his head, he sticks to it till its out 
and done with.) ‘We have been shav’d, 
says he, ‘most infarnally, with some of them 


40 LETTERS OF 


tere State Banks ;’ and with that, he out with 
his wallet, and unrolled a mess on ’em, sure 
enuff. ‘Look here,’ says he, ‘ Major, here is 
one made payable to me, and got my head on 
one eend, and Mr. Van Buren’s on tother (blast 
their impudence), and they tell me it ain’t 
worth a copper ; and there ain’t one in all that. 
bundle I can get the hard dollars for without 
losing a most half.’ 

‘But, says I, ‘Gineral, where is Mr. Van 
Buren’s safety valve? ‘Safety valve,’ says 
the Gineral, ‘ what’s the use of a safety valve 
when the boiler is bust, Major? ‘ Plaguy 


little’ says I, ‘sure enuff; I didn’t think of 


4 


that,’ says I, ‘Gineral.” ‘That are Safety 
Fund, says the Gineral, ‘I’m afraid won’t do, 
Major, because you see it’s al! ‘hair of the 


same dog, arter all.’ ‘ Well now, Gineral,’ 


says I, ‘that’s been my notion all along, be- 


ease if all the Banks bust, the Safety Fund > 


will jist be of the same kind of stuff, that will 
bust too, unless in the mean while they change 
it off for Biddle’s Bilis, and that would not be 
fair to some body.’ ‘ Well, Major,’ says the 
Gineral, ‘you do know about as much about 
most things as most folks, and as I said be- 
fore, ’m stump’d about that Bank of U.S, 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 41 


_andI want you to help me figure it out. I want 
you, Major,’ says he, ‘to look into that matter. 
If the Bank is good, and sound, and safe, we’ll 
stick to it; if it ain’t, we'll blow it sky high,’ 
‘ What,’ says I, ‘Gineral, do you want another 
report? ‘Not by a darn’d sight, says he; ‘I 
don’t understand the reports, Major; and 
that isn’t all, I don’t believe they do who make 
them—no,’ says he, ‘ Major, Mr. Van Buren 
wants Amos Kendall to go and make report 
about the State Banks, and their Safety Funds : 
and I want you to go and look into Biddle’s 
Bank at the same time. [I'll give you a letter 
of authority ; and when you come back we'll 
talk the matter over together. You know, 
Major, that I am not one of that ’ere sort of 
folks that saysa thing is black to-day, because 
I thought it was black yesterday. There was 
atime when I thought I could hang all the 
Yankees at Hartford under the 2d section, 
but I don’t think now it would be exactly 
right; I am an honest man, Major, and ain’t 
afeard to change my opinion.’ : 

Now this is the Gineral all over; and Iam 
off to-morrow to Philadelphia ; and if I don’t 
give Mr. Biddle and his money-bags a stirring 
up, ’m mistaken ; there is no one thing I’m 

D2 


42 ._* LETTERS OF ile | 


so cute at, as looking through accounts. I 


showed that once as clear as a whistle, when. 
I settled the first mackerel voyage of the 
“Two Pollies, Capt. Jumper. There were 
nine owners, and three on ’em found the rig- 
gin, and the other six built the hull, and the 
captain fitted her out, and was to get every 
seventeenth fish for his share, extra, for his 
services. Each one was to draw his share, 
according to amount and sarvices. It was 
all strait enuff, only some of the riggin was 
taken from the ‘Amiable Mahitable,’ belonging 
to one of the three who found the riggin, part 
of which was paid back by Capt. Jumper. 
They puzzled at a settlement all winter; but. 
I saw thru’ it in a minute, and made it all as_ 
strait as aloon’s leg. Ishowed the Gineral the 
accounts one day, and I suppose that is the 
reason why he wants me to look into the 
Bank. I'll tell you more about it to rights. _ 
Yours, from 
J. Downine, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


"MAJOR J. DOWNING. ‘43 


LETTER V. 


Containing Major Downing’s Official Report on the 
United States Bank. 

| | Published “By Authority.” 
Rip-Raps, August 4th, 1833. 

Dear S1r,—I have just got here after ex- 
amin in the Bank; and it was the toughest 
job I ever had in my life. The Gineral was 
so bent on my doing it that I had to ‘go a- 
head,’ or I’d sneak’d out the first day. I was 
nigh upon a week about it, figerin and siferin 
all the while. Mr. Biddle see quick enuff it 
was no fool’s journey I come on; and | made 
some of his folks scratch their heads, I tell 
you. I gin’em no notice of my comin, and 
I jump’d right in the thickest on ’em there one 
day when they were tumblin in and shellin 
out the money like corn—‘ now,’ says I, ‘my 
boys, I advise all on ye to brush up your mul- 
tiplication tables, for I am down upon you 
with aligation, and the rule of 3, and vulgar 
fractions ; and if I find a penny out of place, 


‘44 LETTERS OF 


the Gineral shall know it. I’m no green hor 
nor member of Congress, nor Judge Claytor 
nor Mr. Cambreleng neither, saysI. As soo 
as Mr. Biddle read the letter the Gineral ser 
by me, says he, ‘Major, I’m glad the Giner 
has sent some one at last that knows some 
thing, and can give a strait account ;’ and wit. 
that he call’d all the bank folks, and tell’d ’er 
to bring their books together. ‘Now,’ say. 
he, ‘Major, which eend shall we begin @ 
frst ? ‘It makes no odds which,’ says I 

all I care about is to see if both eends meet, 
and if they don’t, Mr. Biddle,’ says I, ‘its al 
over with you and the Bank—you'll all ge 
‘hook and line:’’ and then we off coats, ani 
went at it. I found some of them ’ere fellow 
there plaguy sharp at siferin. They’ddoasun 
by a kinder short Dilworth, quick as a flash 
I always use a slate—it comes kinder natura 
to me; and I chalk’d her off there the firs 
day, and figur’d out nigh upon 100 pretty con: 
siderable tuff sums. There was more than ¢ 
cart load of books about us, and every one or 
’em bigger than the Deacon’s family Bible 
And such an etarnal batch of figerin I nevey 
see, and there warn’t a blot or a scratch 
the brill on ’em. 


i 


MAJOR Je DOWNING. 45 


| I put a good many questions to Mr. Biddle, 
lor the Gineral gin me a long string on ’em; 
ind I thought some would stagger him; but 
re answered them all just as glib as our boys 
in Downingville do the catakize, from the 
'chief eend of man’ clean through the peti« 
lions. And he did it all in amighty civil way, 
‘oo ; there was only one he kinder tried to git 
found, and that was—how he came to have 
o few of the Gineral’s folks among the Di- 
lictors until very lately ?—‘ Why,’ says he, 
‘Major, and Major, says he (and then he got 
ap and took a pinch of snuff and offered me 
me), says he, ‘Major, the Bank knows no 
sarty ; and in the first go off, you know, the 
aineral’s friends were all above matters of so 
ittle importance as Banks and Banking. If 
we had put a branch in Downingville, says 
ie, ‘the Gineral would not have had occasion 
o ask such a question ;? and with that he 
nade me a bow, and I went home and took 
linner with him. It is plaguy curious to hear 
iim talk about millions and thousands; and 
.gotas glib too at it as he is; and how on 
arth I shall git back again to ninepences and 
ourpence-happenies I can’t tell. 

After [had been figerin away there nigh 


46 LETTERS OF 


upon a week, and used up 4 or 5 slate pencils, 

d spit my mouth as dry as a cob, rubbin out 
. sums as fast as I did them, I writ to the 
Gineral, and tell’d him it was no use; I could 
find no mistake ; butso long as the Bank was 
at work, it was pretty much like counting a 
flock of sheep in a fall day, when they are just 
let into a new stubble—for it was all the while 
crossing and mixing, and the only way was to 
lock up val the Banks, and as fast as you cout 
’em, black their noses. 
- ‘Now,’ says I one day to Squire Biddle, 
‘Tl just take a look at your money-bags, for: 
they tell the Gineral you han’t got stuff enuff. 
in the Bank to make him a pair of spectacles; 
none of your rags,’ says I, ‘but the real grit ? 
and with that he call’d 2 or 3 chaps in Quaker 
coats, and they open’d a large place about as 
big as the‘ east room; and such a sight I 
never see—boxes, bags, and kegs, all full, and 
I should say nigh upon a hundred cord. Says 
J, ‘Squire Biddle, what on earth is all this 
for; I’m stump’d.’—‘ O, says he, ‘ Major, that’s 
our Safety Fund” ‘How you talk! says I. ' 

‘Now,’ says J, ‘is all that genwine!’ ‘Ey- 
ery dollar of it,’ says he; ‘will you count: it, 
Major? says he. ‘Not to-day,’ says 1; ‘but 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 47 


as the Gineral wants me to be particular, I'll 
just hussle some on’em;’ and at it I went, 
hammer and file. It raly did me good, forl 
_ did not think there was so much rale chink in 
-all creation. So when [ got tired, I set down 
on a pile, and took out my wallet, and. began 
to count over some of the ‘ Safety Fund’ notes 
_ I got shaved with on the grand tower. ‘ Here, 
says I, ‘Squire Biddle, I have a small trifle I 
should like to aicker with you—its all ‘Safety 
Fund,’ says 1; ‘and Mr. Van Buren’s head 
ison most all on ’em. But as soon as he put 
his eye on ’em he shook his head. I see he 
had his eye-teeth cut. ‘ Well, says J, ‘it’s no 
_ matter ;/—~—but it lifted my dander considerable. 

‘ Now,’ says I, ‘Mr. Biddle, ’ve got one more 
question to put to you, and then I’m through. 
You say your bills are better than hard dol 
lars; this puzzles me, and the Gineral too.— 
Now how is this? ‘ Well, says he, ‘Major, 
Tl tell you: suppose you have a bushel of 
| potatoes in Downingville, and you wanted to 
' send them to Washington, how much would 
it cost you to get them there? ‘ Well,’ says 
J, ‘ about two shiliins lawful—for I sent a bar- 
rel there to the Gineral last fall, and that cost 


48 LETTERS OF 


me a dollar freight.’ ‘Well,’ says he, ‘sup- 
pose I’ve got potatoes in Washington jist as 
good as yours, and I take your potatoes in 
Downingville, and give you an order to re- 
ceive a bushel of potatoes in Washington, 
wouldn’t you save two shillings lawful by 
that? We sometimes charge,’ says he, ‘a 
trifle for drafts when the places are distant, 
but never as much as it would cost to carry 
the dollars :’ and with that we iooked into the 
accounts agin, and there it was. Says I, 
‘Squire Biddle, I see it now as clear as a 
whistle.’ 

- When I got back to Washington, I found 
the Gineral off to the ‘ Rip-Raps,’ and I arter 
him. One feller there tell’d me I couldn’t go — 
to the ‘ Rip-Raps’—that the Gineral was there — 
to keep off business; but as soon as I tell’d — 
him who I was, he ordered a boat, and I pad- — 
dled off. 

The Gineral and I have talked over all the — 
Bank business; he says it is not best to pub- — 
lish my report, as he wants it for the message $ — 
and it would only set them Stock-fish nibblin | 
agin in Wall-street. I made him stare when — 
I tell’d him about the dollars I saw there, and | 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 49 


once and awhile he would rinkle his face up 
like a ball of ravlins; and when [ tell’d him 
Biddle wouldn’t give me any of his ‘Safety 
Fund’ for any of Mr. Van Buren’s that I had 
with me, the Gineral took out his wallet, and 
slung it more than 5 rods into the brakers. 

We are now pretty busy, fitting and joining 
the beams and rafters of the message ; and if 
Mr. Van Buren don’t get back before we begin 
to shingle it, I guess his ‘Safety Fund’ will 
stand but a poor chance. 
The Gineral don’t care much about having 
his head for a sign-board; but says he, ‘ Ma- 
jor, when they put my head on one eend of a 
Bank Bill, and Mr. Van Buren’s on tother 
eend, and ‘promise to pay Andrew Jackson,’ 
and then blow up, it’s too bad—I won’t allow 
it—it shan’t be.’ The Gineral says, if he al- 
lows Amos Kendle to make his report about 
the State Banks, it is but fair to let me publish 
mine about Squire Biddle’s Bank. SoI am 
getting mine ready. 

We have a fine cool time here, and ain’t 
bothered with Office Seekers ; we can see ’em 
in droves all along shore, waitin for a chance. 


One fellow swam off last night to get ap- 
E 


50 LETTERS OF 


pointed to some office—the Gineral thinks of 
making him minister to the King of the Sand- 
wich Islands, on account of their being all 
good swimmers there. | 
Yours, etarnally, 
J. Downine, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 51 


LETTER VI. 


To be printed by my old friend Mr. Dwight. 


TO AMOS KINDLE, 
‘Somewhere North among “‘ Safety Fund” Banks. 
Rip-Raps, 7th August, 1833. 

Dear Amos,—Not knowing where you be 
exactly, I write you this letter through the 
papers, for they go everywhere, and you'll 
most likely git it that way soonest. The Gin- 
eral is in some trouble; for since you left 
Washington, he and I have been looking into 
the Law Books, and the Bank Charter, and 
he says he thinks we shall be snag’d, if we 
don’t look out pretty sharp how we meddle 
jist yet with our money in the U.S. Bank. 
And ever since I have been tellin him abou 
my examination of Biddle’s Bank, he don’t 
seem to feel so wrathy agin it. And he is 
plaguy fraid if he takes away any of our money 
from Biddle, we shall have to take away all 
the ‘counts too; and we have enuff now to 
make us stagger. The Gineral would like 


52 LETTERS OF 


you to ask Biddle if he won’t keep the ’counts, _ 
and Jet us have the money. If he won’t do 
that, then he thinks you best do nothin, for on 
lookin into the Treasury and batin that batch 
of state paper there, that ain’t worth nothin, — 
and seein that them blasted Frenchmen han’t’ 
paid that bill yet, and a good many things a 
little singed by the fire last spring—we han’t | 
got quite as much cash as we thought on. ;_| 

There is another thing too puzzles us con- | 
siderable. When the United States Bank was | 
chartered, it was agreed that seein it paida — 
pretty considerable round sum for keepin our _ 
money, we made ’em.also agree to do all our — 
business in the money way—receive and pay, _ 
and take resates for all the old sogers, and pay: 
the interest on the public debt, and soon; and , 
then we agreed to take their moneyin payment — 
of all debts comin to us. ‘The Gineral thinks — 
he can’t well git round this; and we have 
looked through all the Law Books, and regu- 
lations of the army, and can’t find nothin — 
there to help us. ‘So,’ says he, ‘Major, we 
shall be snag’d if we don’t look out sharp; — 
for as soon as we put our ’counts in other 
banks, that crittur Biddle won’t let any thing 
like a bank bill go out of his bank that we can 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 53 


use where we want it. Now in York theyll 
_ shell. out New-Orleans, and St. Louis, and 
_ Mobile branch notes to pay bonds with, and 
away South we shall git Buffalo, and down 
east branch paper, and we shall have to lug 
them about ourselves to git the dollars for 
them. And then,’ says he, ‘arter all, Major, 
we shall run the risk agin of gittin our wal- 
lets filled with some more of them Safety Fund 
notes. I don’t like the looks of it at all—I 
wish,’ says he, ‘ Amos was back agin in Wash- 
ington, and let Congress do with the Bank as 
it pleases. Iwon’t be pestered with it any 
more, by the Eternal! says he, (and he was 
ony just beginnin to thunder), when I, just to 
turn the cloud, tell’d him Calhoun was in 
Georgia. And then I tell’d him I would write 
to you, and tell you to come home. The 
Gineral says you may go to Saratogue, and 
talk over matters with Mr. Van Buren, and as 
he got us into the scrape, tell him to git us 
out of it as well as he can; but you must all 
on you be in Washington pretty soon, for its 
gittin kinder windy down here. Take care 
how you write and talk to some of the Banks 
in York; them fellers have got their eye-teeth 

E2 ' 


> 


54 LETTERS OF 


cut, and know plaguy nigh as well aS we do 
about most things. 

The Gineral thinks that was a pretty con- 
siderable of a cute move in Mr. Van Buren, 
sending Isaac Hill along with Cass. He stuck 
to him like a lamper eel till he got to Buffalo, 
and then unhooked. [I'll write to you agin in 
afew days. Yours, 

J. Down1ne, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 55 


LETTER VII. 


Major Downing manages the Official Correspondence 
of the President— A simple Government—Peleg 
Bissel’s Churn. 

Rip-Raps, 17th August, 1833. 

My Goop Frienp,— The Goverment, 
will leave here on Saturday, so you must tell 
all our friends to stop sending any more letters 
here. We go strait to Washington, to put 
things to rights there for winter. : 

I and the Gineral have got things now pretty 
considerable snug; and it is raly curious to 
see how much more easy and simple all the 
public affairs go on, than they did a spell ago, 
when Mr. Adams was President. If it warnt 
for Congress meetin, we cou’d jest go about 
pretty much where we pleas’d, and keep 
things strait too; and I begin to think now, 
with the Gineral, that arter all, there is no 
great shakes in managin the affairs of the 
nation. We have pretty much all on us ben 
joggin about now since last grass, and things 
are jest as strait and clear now, as they was 
then, ‘The Gineral has nigh upon made up 


- 56 LETTERS OF 


his mind, that there is no use to have any — 
more Congress. They only bother us—they 
wou’d do more good to stay at home, and 
write letters to us tellin what is goin on 
among ’em at home. It would save a con- 
siderable sum of money too; and I’m also 
sartain that there is a plaguy raft of fellows 
on wages that don’t earn nothin. Howsever, 
we are goin on makin things more simple 
every day ; and we once and a while nock 
off a pretty considerable number of cogg- 
wheels and trunnel-heads. 

The Gineral says he likes things simple as a 
mouse-trap. But what I like most is, he won’t 
have no one about him who outranks me; so 
there is me, and Major Barry, and Major 
Smith, and Major Earl, and Major Donaldson, 
and Major Lewis, and Major Eaton—and 
Major Blair, a pretty considerable of a man 
to do the printing, and tell the folks where 
we be, and once and a while where the land 
sales and contracts be too. There is enuff on — 
us to do all that’s wanted. Every day, jest 
arter breakfast, the Gineral lights his pipe, 
and begins to think pretty hard, and I and 
Major Donaldson begin to open letters for 
him; and there is more than three bushels 
every day, and all the while coming. We 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 57 


don’t git through more than a bushel a day; 
_and never trouble long ones, unless they 
_ come from Mr. Van Buren, or Mr. Kindle, or 
some other of our great folks. ‘Then we sort 
’em out, jest as Zekil Bigelow does the 
mackerel at his packin-yard, for tho’ there are 
plaguy many more sorts.than he finds among 
fish, we only make three sorts, and keep 3 
big baskets, one marked ‘not red,’ another 
‘red; and worth nothin,’ and another ‘red, 
and to be answered’ And then all. the Gin- 
eral has to do, is to say, ‘ Major, I reckon we 
best say so and so to that,’ and I say ‘jest so, 
or not, jest as the notion takes me—and then — 
we go at if. 

We keep all the Secretaries, and the Vice 
President, and some District Attornys, anda 
good many more of our folks, and Amos 
Kindle, moving about; and they tell us jest 
how the cat jumps. And, as I said afore, 
if it warnt for Congress meetin once a year, 
we'd put the Goverment in a one horse wag- 
gon, and go jest where we liked. 

The Gineral was amazingly tickled tother 
day. Peleg Bissel—(you know Peleg, who is 
all the while whitlin, and sawin, and makin 
clocks and apple-parers, and churns, and lives 


58 LETTERS OF 


nigh Seth Sprague’s school-house, down to 
Downingville), well, Peleg sent the Gineral a 
new churn of his own invention; and. he 
calls it the ‘Jackson Churn,—he wants a 
patent for it. ‘The cute crittur says, in his 
letter to the Gineral, that that ’ere churn is 
jest like his Goverment—it’s only got one 
wheel—and a smasher—and that it will make 
more butter than any other churn, and out of 
eny most anything. The Gineral is so 
tickled with it, he will set and turn it nearly 
all day. Says he, ‘Major, I like this ’ere 
churn amazingly ; that Bisse] is a knowin fel- 
low. If that churn had been made by Con- 
gress, it would have more than 50 wheels and 
springs, and. make no more butter arter all. 
Major,’ says he, ‘tell Peleg I thank him, and 
send him a patent.’ 

And so I did; and I tell’d him in the letter, 
that the Gineral would keep his churn in the 
hall of the White House, to let folks see that 
it didn’t require as many cog-wheels to make 
butter as they think on, and then when they 
come up chamber, in the Cabinet-room, and 
find only me and the President, they’ll under- 
stand it the better. When the Gineral come 
to sign this letter—‘ Well,’ says he, ‘Major. 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 59 


that’s jest what I was thinking on.’ - We get 
every day an everlastin bach of letters from 
Mr. Van Buren and Amos Kindle, and they 
are so plaguy jagged, that we can’t make ’em 
fit exactly with some others, eny most as 
jagged, from the South and West, and all 
from our folks too. One wants one thing, 
and one wants tother. Some of our folks 
down South say, if the Bank is put down, we 
shall all be split up into splinters there. And 
jest so, only tother way, they say, we shan’t 
find in a week any of our folks North, if the 
Bank is rechartered, and some talk of the 
nullifiers in Georgia goin for Mr. Van Buren, 
and that we must look out sharp, and not do 
nothing agin ’em. And some say that ’ere 
tower of Mr. Webster away west, and his 
speeches, bother some on ’em plagily. I was 
a little stumped for a spell myself; and I 
tell’d the Gineral, says I, ‘Gineral, if you 
expect me to satisfy all these folks, you’re 
mistaken; we can’t do it, says I. ‘ Well, 
then,’ says he, ‘we must send for Mr. Van 
Buren. This kinder nettled me, and says I, 
‘Gineral, you han’t forgot that ’ere churn 
already.” ‘No, no,’ says he, ‘we'll stick to 
that, Major.’ ‘Well, then, says I, ‘do you 


ek pee 


60 LETTERS OF 


think that Mr. Van Buren will use that ’ere 
churn ?—he keeps his bread buttered,’ says I, 
‘by more wheels than that ’ere churn’s got.’ 
‘Well, Major, says the Gineral, ‘he isa plaguy 
curious crittur, arter all—he’ll make wheels 
turn sometimes right agin one another, yet 
he gits along—and when he lets his slice fall, 
or some one nocks it out of his hand, it 
always, some how, falls butter side up.’ 
‘Well,’ says I, ‘Gineral, don’t you know 
why? ‘Not exactly,’ says he,‘Major.’ ‘Well, 
says I, ‘T’ll tell you—he butters both sides at 
once, says I. The Gineral drew his face all 
into a rumple for about a minet, and then he 
snorted right out. 

The Gineral talks of goin to the Hermitage 
next spring—he says he thinks he has done 
enuff for the country—and I think so too—he 
says I may go along with him, or stay and 
lend Mr. Van Buren a hand——-we’ll say some- 
thing about this in the Message, perhaps. 

Yours as before, 
J. Down1ne, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 6] 


DOWNINGVILLE POLITICS. 


To Major Downing, of Downingville, now at Washington—or 
somewhere else. 

Dear Masor,—I am desperately put out to 
hear you’re going to be President—I should’nt 
have tho’t it of you; but there’s no tellin 
what one may be left to do. 

I used to be well acquainted with your 
folks when you was a youngster; and your 
poor father, that’s dead and gorie, was dread- 
ful sober about you at times. Says he tome 
one day, ‘Captain, you’re an obsarving sort 
of man, and seen a good deal of the world up 
to Boston and thereabouts. I want your 
opinion consarning our Jack, and what we’d 
best put him to for alivelyhood: he ain’t over 
fond of work that’s likely to take up much 
time, but’s always willing to do his shear at 
a raising, or such like, and his fancy don’t 
lead him to larning or the like of that. What 
think I’d best do with him? ‘Wal,’ says I, 


‘Deacon, if you really want my candid opin- 
P 


62 LETTERS OF 


ion and advice, I’m ready to give it. I've all 
along tho’t Jack a pooty smartish sort of a 
chap, and if you could get him into Lawyer 
Josslin’s office a while, he’d be equal to a most 
any thing—and mark my words, Deacon,’ 
says I, ‘he'll rise in the world before he dies,’ 
‘J believe you're half right, Captain,’ says the 
Deacon, your father, ‘but I’m pesky fraid 
he'll rise a Jeetle sooner than he’d like to, for 
that ’ere Josslin is a raal peeler in the way of 
bringin folks up! ‘Twant six months arter 
that, before I heard of your settin up law for 
yourself, and havin a good deal of one thing 
and another to do, which taint worth a while 
to mention: and when they talked of makin 
you Governor, down in Maine, your poor aunt 
Nabby was wrathy enough—‘Well, there,’ 
says she, ‘I never thought to live to see this 
day! our family,’ says. she, ‘if it wan’t so 
dreadful rich, ollers bore a good character, 
and could hold up their heads and show their 
faces anywhere and to anybody, without their 
being able to say one word against us—and 
now to have one of us put up for a Governor 
without ever having done any thing to be 
ashamed of, is too bad! and it all comes of 
your advice, Captain Jumper, for advising 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 53 


my brother, the Deacon, to put him into 
Lawyer Josslin’s plaguy office. We never 
know’d what it was to be ashamed of any of 
our relations before.’ ‘Miss Nabby,’ says I, 
‘keep cool, and don’t get yourself into such a 
flurry, for it’s more than an even chance, 
they don’t convict him of being a Governor, 
and if he escapes this time, Pll smuggle him 
out of the state in the two Pollies, and let 
him try his luck on to Washington long with 
Gineral Jackson, who knows me, and [’ll 
give hima recommend to the Gineral, and 
who knows but he may yet come to some- 
thing? That sort of pacified your aunt, and 
accordingly I got you out of Maine on board 
the two Pollies, as I was saying, and didn’t 
charge you nothing for your passage, and 
let you have the privilege of stubshodding the 
boards, and pumping besides, and never 
charged a cent for that neither. All these 
circumstances considered, I hope you won’t 
think hard of me if I do say, that arter 
what’s been done for you by night and by 
day—its ongrateful in you to throw yourself 
away by turning President. But it isn’t too 
late to repent. Tell them Mowchonk folks 
you’re not the man they take you for, if 


64 LETTERS OF 


they think to coax you into being President 
as long as the Gineral’s alive, and I hope he'll 
live for ever. ° 
Yours to sarve, ; 
Sotomon JUMPER, 


Bapedhd. of the 'T'wo Pollies of Downingville. 


| MAJOR J. DOWNING. 65 


LETTER VIII. 


The Gineral’s regard for the Yankees—Office-seekers— 
New Presidential Recreations. 
To Mr. Dwight—New-York Daily Advertiser. 
Washington, August 30, 1833. 
My coop orp F'R1ENv,—Ever since we got 
‘the Goverment’ back here from the Rip-Raps, 
we have been as busy as if we was all on us 
cocking hay jest afore a shower. 

I teli'd you some time ago that I and the 
Gineral was fittin and jointin the beams and 
rafters of the message; but almost every day 
some plaguy new notion comes in from Mr. 
Van Buren, and some other of our folks, and 
we have to chizzle new mortices, and run new 
braces and string pieces; so that I begin to 
think it will look curious enuff when it’s done, 
The Gineral says he don’t care how it fronts, 
only ke is detarmined to show a sharp corner 

to the Nullifiers. We shall have a good deal 

to say about the Grand Tower ; there is no- 

thin since the 8th of January at New-Orleans 

tickles the Gineral half so much. Every time 
F2 


“ 


66 LETTERS OF 


we talk about it, the Gineral gits right up, and 
says he, ‘ Major, I only wish I was 50 years 
younger, and then, says he, ‘give me the 
Yankees east of Horse Neck, and I’d like no 
better sport than to have nullification all over 
the rest of creation.’ 

When things don’t go right, and the Gine- 
ral gits a little wrathy, if I only tell him the 
Yankees are ready to back him, he is as firm 
as granit. It would make you crawl all over 
to read that letter we writ to France, when we’ 
come to hear that the King there kinder shuf- 
fled round that bill we drawed on him. ‘He 
won’t pay it, won’t he? says he—‘ Major, 
what do you think of that? ‘Why,’ says I, 
‘Gineral, I think it’s a nasty mean action—and. 
a darnation rascally one too,’ says J. ‘ Well,’ 
says he, ‘ that’s enuff,—and then we writ the 
letter,—its just like Zekel Bigelow’s speech— 
it cuts, shaves, and makes the hair fly—and if 
it don’t bring the money, I’m mistaken,’ _ 

If Mr. Livingston had stay’d one week 
longer in York, the Gineral was for sendin 
me right out, and Captain Jumper was jest 
gettin the ‘Two Pollies’ ready to take me. 

The most curious part of ‘the Gover- 
ment’ here is to manage the office-seekers. 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 67 


You see, things ain’t now as they was afore 
‘Mr. Van Buren’s time; then it was kinder 
divided round among the Departments. 

_ The Post Master Gineral appinted all the 
Post Masters, and their folks. The Secretary 
of the Treasury appinted all the folks in the 
(Custom Houses, and all the folks who collected 
money. These two had an everlastin batch 
of fellers to appint, and made them feel pretty 
considerable big, and then the War Secretary 
had a good slice in appinting the cadets, and 
Ingen agents, and all the contracts was kinder 
sifted round among the Departments ; and so 
by the time a new President was to be made, 
some of these Secretaries was a leetle bigger 
than the President himself. Now this is the 
way they kinder jockied Mr. Adams, who got 
to be the smallest man at Washington, by let- 
ting other folks plant his corn, and do his 
huskin ; and afore he know’d it, his own field 
was all in weeds—and theirs, well-howed, 
rich and clean as a whistle. 

But things ain’t so now ; we’ve got only one 
crib, and that’s a whappin one too, and ony 
one door to it; and when we shell out our 
corn, we take good care and know well who 


68 LETTERS OF 


gets it, and where he is goin to plant it; and 
that ain’t all—we make ’em agree about the 
Huskin Frolic,* for that’s the best on’t, arter 
all. 

The longer I am in ‘the Goverment,’ the 
more I larn. But I must allow, that of all the 
inventions I’ve hearn on of Mr. Van Buren’s, 
this is about the slickest. 

There is only one thing wantin, and that he 
is tryin for pretty hard—and that is the Bank, 
If he can only git that in the crib too, Virginny 
fences wouldn’t stop our cattle. 

Only think what an everlastin raft of fellows 
we should have—all the Presidents, and Cash- 
iers, and Clarks, and Money Counters, about 
the crib, from Downingville to New-Orleans ! 
—and that ain’t the best on’t; we would have 
a branch alongside every post office to keep 
our postages safe. 

I should like this well enuff if I was sartin 
I and the Gineral and Mr. Van Buren was to 
be here all the while, to keep a good look out 
on the cribdoor. But the Gineral talks of 
goin hum to put the Hermitage to rights; 


* The Major, we presume, means the Elections, or Hustings, 
by this metaphor. 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 69 


and I am in the notion that Congress is a 
leetle too strong for ‘the goverment,’ when 
the Gineral ain’t in it—and I shall go with 
him. Iam eny most fag’d out myself; and 
I begin to think with the Gineral I have done 
enuff for the country. » . 

We are lookin for Amos Kindle now every 
hour. He writ the Gineral t’other day, and 
 tell’d him my ‘ Bank Report’ warn’t ‘true, and 
_ that I must have got a‘loan of Squire Biddle. 
Now that is jest the way with some folks. 
What they don’t know they guess at; and 
it’s jest so with old Miss Crane, who keeps the 
tavern this side Downingville—jest as sure as 
any one goes by without stoppin, the old crittur 
says, ‘there goes so and so, and has got no 
money too; and he knows I wouldn’t trust 
him? 

Howsumever, no one can make the Gineral 
wrathy with me. He knows Iam the best 
friend about him ; whenever they get things 
in any kind of a twist, or a snarl, says he, 
‘Major, do you unravel that. Tm the big 
wheel, and you are the smasher,’ says he; 
and then we jest give Peleg Bissel’s churn a 
turn or two, and all is right. 

You don’t print my letters right—you git 


70 LETTERS OF 


some words wrong, and spell ’em most infar- 
nally. Jest so the printers sarved the Gine- 
ral’s letters too ; and folks thought he didn’t 
know nothin, till we got to Cambridge, where 
they made a doctor on him. 
Your Friend, 
J. Down1ne, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 71 


‘From the New-York Daily Advertiser of Sept. 7th, 1833. 


By a letter received yesterday, and which we publish in this 
morning’s paper, from Maj. Downing, our readers will observe that 


_ this distinguished individual may be expected here immediately. 


| We are not yet informed at what house he will put up at during 


his stay. His friend Zekel Bigelow, of Downingville, we un- 
derstand is here, and has received directions from the Major 


_ regarding his apartments, which should be fitted up in splendid 


style. We hope his apartments, wherever they may be, will be 
easy of access, as the whole city (with certain exceptions) would 


_ be pleased to pay its respects to him—but we presume he will 
_ be as busy while he is here (to use his own language) as if he 


was “cocking hay jest afore a shower.” —Ed. 


LETTER IX. 


The Major gives Notice of his Journey to Philadelphia 


and New-York, to find out where all the Money has 
gone. 


Washington, Sept. 5, 1833. 
My aoop oLD FRIEND,—Since I wrote to 


you last week, we have seen so much said: in 
the papers about money being so scarce in 


York, and other places north,—some saying 


it is all owing to ‘Squire Biddle, and some to 


Amos Kindle, and some to me and ‘the Gov- 


‘erment’—that the Gineral wants me to go 


72 LETTERS OF 


right off and look into it, and put it to rights; 

for the Gineral says if there is any ailing in 

money in one place, it will spread jest like the 

Colera Morbus, and if it gets to Washington, 

we shall be in a bad way, for nigh upon all 

on ’em here can’t stand much of a squeeze. 

The Gineral says he don’t want to have any 
thing secret about it, and that I must write to 

him through the papers, for then all our folks 

can read it at once, and won’t pester him ! 
about it. 

I start to-morrow mornin afore day light. 
[ll stop a day or so in Philadelphy, and see 
how things go on there, and then look into 
York. IfIcan only get a fair talk with some 
of them ’ere folks in Wall-street, I'll get to the 
bottom of it in a minit. ; 

I know there is money enuff somewhere— 
folks don’t eat it—and what the Gineral wants 
me to find out is, where the money is, and 
what on earth is the reason folks can’t get it 
when they want it. 

Your Friend, 
J. Downrne, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade, 


2 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 73 


LETTER X. 


“ 


- To Mr. Dwight—Editor of the York Daily Advertiser. 
Philadelphy, 11th Sept. 1833. 

My coop oLp FRIEND,—I send you a letter 
I writ to the Gineral last night—he told me 
to write to him threw the papers. Some of 
the printers here wanted me to give them the 
printin on ’em, but if I let any body but you 
print ’em first, folks can’t tell which is gen- 
wine—some fellows write so much like me, 
that I am stump’d sometimes myself, and put 
to’t as bad as Captain Jumper, of the 'T'wo 
Pollies, and President of the Downingville 
Bank, was a spell ago, when a fellow bro’t him 
a note on his Bank; some said it was ‘ gen- 
‘wine,’ and some said it warn’t. It was so 
slick a kounterfit the Captain didn’t know 
himself—‘so,’ says he, ‘it looks a leetle like a 
kounterfit, and then agin it don’t—and my no- 
tion is, it’s about midlin.”* 

The letter [now send you to print don’t 
amount to nothin. I want to git to York 
‘first, and will go there to-morrow or next 


_ * Captain Jumper is a “non committal” Van Buren man. 
G 


ah 
rn “ « - 4 “s Je Wy ~_ 
‘at ie ST le . os ” ——S emende d pan a. 


ye es mt 
Se 
74 LETTERS OF — 


day, and arter that T’ll tell the Gineral and all 
our folks all about it. If you see Zekel Bige- 
low, tell him not to go home till I come on; I 
want to see him dreadfully. | * 
Your friend, ; 
J. Downtne, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


Major Downing’s Letter to the President, describing 
his Visit to the United States Bank. 
| To Gineral Jackson. 

Philadelphy, 10th Sept., 1833. 
Dear GinerAL,—I had eny most as much | 
trouble in gittin here as I had when I come 
on with ‘the Goverment’ a spell ago; butT 
tell’d the folks I had no time now to lose, and. 
couldn’t talk politics ; and that I was on argent 
business. ‘They all wanted to know how you 
was; and I tell’d’em you was as hard as 
granit, and no rot about you. | 
As soon as I got here, I took a look into’ 
Squire Biddle’s Bank agin, and found every 
thing there pretty much as I left ’°em whe iI 
was there afore. If any thing, he’s got a. 
little more of the rale chink. Squire Biddle’ 


rs — 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 75 


erment’ continued to feel kinder wrathy 
agin the Bank; ‘but,’ says he, ‘ Major, we 


are ready for them.’ Jest then our old- Qua- 


r friend come in—the same old gentleman, 
you remember, who came to see us one mot- 
nin, and call’d you ‘friend Andrew,’ and kept 


_ his haton allthe while. He was as spunky as 
_ thunder; and when a Quaker gits his dander 
| up, it’s like a norwester. He said he was sore 


troubled, and that he was afraid that evil dis- 
posed folks were busy, and tryin to inger you. 
He said he had been in trade over 40 years, 
and knew all about it, and Banks too; and 


that jest so sure as his friend Andrew didn’t 
_ put a stop to this war agin the United States 
’ Bank, it would bring more injury on the 


country than universal: nullification. I tell’d 
him that you didn’t want to injure nobody— 


' that all you wanted was to git hold of the 


ee 


i} 


right eend of every thing, and then hold on 


like a snappin turtle. And then we sat down, 
‘and he talk’d for more than three hours, and 
till he couldn’t talk no more. He isa rale 
friend ofourn ; and the last thing he said was, 
he hoped you wouldn’t let any one deceive 


you about the Bank, for though the change 
' aight give afew persons some cream, al! the 


| - 
: 
| 


: Aw ae 


76 LETTERS OF 


rest would git nothin but skim milk and bonny 
clabber. Iam glad I met him, for he telled 
me more than I had any ide on; and the 
more I see, the more sartin I am that Banks 
and Trade and money matters are pretty con- 
siderable ticklish things ; and when you think 
a thing must be jest so, it comes out jest tother 
way. 


Squire Biddle don’t look streaked at all 


when I talk to him about our takin our money 
away from him. He says he don’t care a but- 
ton whether we take it away or not. And 
upon the whole, the Bank could do better 
without our custom than with it. He don’t 
say nothin agin nobody ; but he is gittin to be 
pretty saucy about it, I tell you. And well he 
may be; and if he warn’t a good-natur’d crit- 
tur, he would be crabbed and crooked enuff by 
this time, for we have been poundin on him 
now nigh upon three years. He says as long 
as he sees a black cloud risin, he don’t think 
it safe to make more sail; and it’s his busi- 
ness to keep as much sail on his ship as hes 
can without splitten ’em. 


¢ 
/ 


Every body I see here says, that Amos Kind 5 


dle’s journey this summer was nigh about as 
bad as the Colera Morbus last summer ; and. 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. vir f 


on the whole, they don’t know which is worst. 
You know I tell’d you as much afore he 
started; and the last thing Zekel Bigelow 
said to me, when we was in Downingville— 
says he, ‘Major, don’t you advise the Gineral 
to meddle with that Bank affair. I see trou- 
ble in it,’ says he; and Zexel is no fool, I tell 
you. And Captain Jumper said, too, he would 
jest. about as soon think of runnin the Two 
Pollies threw Nantucket Shoals at midnight, 
without alead. All these things, and my own 
notion too, made me look into it pretty sharp, 
to say nothin about them plaguy Safety Fund 
notes that got into our wallets, and stick there 
yet. The more I see here, the more sartin I 
am that ve got aright notion on’t. There 
is money enuff here; but it is pretty much as 
I hearn tell on in the old war—the folks keep 
it stow’d away so long as there is trouble 
brewin. But I won’t say more about it now, 
till I get to York, where they say they are 
worse off. I have been busy enuff ever since 
I’ve been here; and they tell me things are 
 gittin a little more easy, on account of my 
tellin ’em that you won’t do nothin afore I git 
back agin. 


I have met only a few here who think it 
G2 


Se 


78 LETTERS OF 


would be best to have a new Bank, and nock 
this one down. But when I come to corner 
’em about it, it turns out pretty much likea 
pesky squabble we had once in Downingville 
about the School House—one said it warn’t 
big enuff—and Ezra Gleason, a squint-ey’d 
fellow, said it ought to be a round one, and 
Seth Sprague ought to set right in the middle _ 
on’t. But Zekel Bigelow made a speech about — 
it—and the Deacon was moderator :—and 
says he, ‘ we’ve got a school house, and a good 
stun one too—if it ain’t big enuff, we’ll nock 
one eend out on’t, and make it bigger. What 
do you mean by nockin on’t all to bits—jest 
to git more money out of the district? Can 
you put a better ruff on’t than it’s got now ?— 
can you build better walls ?—and who wants 
a round one, with the master’s seat in the 
middle on’t? You know, Mr. Moderator, that 
Seth don’t squint ; and no one can manage a 
round house unless he does ; and so we must 
nock down our good old solid School House, 
jest to give new jobs, and build a round one 
to suit a man who can’t look another strait in 
the face.’ Zekel carried the day as slick as a 
whistle ; and the old School House stands yet 


MAJOR. J. DOWNING. 79 


—big enuff, and strong enuff, and square as a 
brick. 

Yl write to you agin as soon as I git to 
York. Isend you by the transportation line 
a tub of rale sweet butter, made on purpose 
for you, by ; the address is nailed on in- 
side the kiver. Tell Major Donaldson, when 
he writes the answer to it, not to say nothin 
agin the Bank, for every body here, and all the 
butter makers, won’t take home with them 
from market nothin but Biddle’s Bills; for 
they all say they are better than hard dollars. 

Your best friend, | 
J. Downtne, Major, _ 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


ag 


80 LETTERS OF 


LETTER XI. 


Major Downing’s Official Correspondence with 
“* The Goverment.” 
.From the Daily Advertiser of 21st September, 1833. 
To Gineral Jackson. 
New-York, Sept. 20th, 1833. 

Drar GineRAL,—When I wrote to you 
from Philadelphy on 10th, I thought I would 
go next day to York; but I got a letter from 
our old friend Zekel Bigelow, lettin me know 
he was there, and snookin about the Banks, 
and among the Brokers in Wall-street, and 
that by the time I come here, he could tell me 
pretty much all about itinaminit. He said 
the whole business was in a nut shell, and 
he’d crack it. So I didn’t hurry on, but kept 
myself busy in Philadelphy, putting things 
to rights there; for I thought if I could git 
the mud out of the spring, we should have 
clear water arterwards. I didn’t get here till 
yesterday. ‘The folks wanted me to land at 
Castle Garden, but I thought I wouldn’t, see- 
ing that them ’ere string pieces came so nigh 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 81 


puttin an eend to ‘The Goverment’ a spell 
ago. 

The first man I met in the crowd was Ze- 
kel. He was waitin for me, and he looked as 
natural as ever. The crowd was so great, I 
was eny most mashed toaslab. All on’em 
callin out, ‘there’s the Major’—and all wantin 
to shake hands with me, and to know how 
you. was, and what was goin to be done with 
the Bank. Some fellers had ony one shoe 
on, and eny most no shirt—and they too 
wanted to know about the Bank. Inever see 
sich a mess of fellers as they have here all the 
while: there is all kind of critters, jamming 
and scrouging folks, and one another; they 
don’t seem to do nothin, and half on’em think, 
when we come to nock the Bank down, they 
are to git the mony. 

Zekel and I went as soon as we could git 
through ’em, straight to the tavern where we 
all on us put up a spell ago; and then says I, 
‘Zekel, we must spring to it, and let the Gin- 
eral know, as soon as we can, all about mony 
matters here.’ 

‘Well’ says he, ‘ Major, [ll tell you pretty 
much all about it; and its jest as true now as 
the sun.’ And with that he slick’d his hair 


82 LETTERS OF 


down from his eye-brows clean to the eend of 
his kew, and went at it. 

Zekel has got a curious notion of tellin a 
thing—he begins away back to a b abb’s, and 
then he comes up along, and ev’ry once anda 
while he gives his head and hair a slicken 
down, and he is so earnest, and looks as if he 
could see right through an inch plank. I 
couldn’t tell you one half he said, if I was to 
write a week about it. I'll only tell you a 
little here and there—he says there is two 
kinds of mony; hard mony and paper mony. 
One is always good; and the other is some- 
times good, and then agin it ain’t good for 
nothin. , 

He says, there is jist about so much hard 
mony all the while—and it keeps goin round 
and round, all about creation ; and they git the 
most on’t who are the most industrious and 
cute in inventin things. He says that paper 
mony is jest as good, and a leetle better than 
hard mony, if folks don’t shell out too much 
on’t: and the natur of paper-mony makers is 
always to git off as much as they can, and if it 
warn’t for somethin to check it, it would be as 
bad as old continental times. 

He says, there is two ways to make mony 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 83 


scarce—one is by sendin hard mony away 
out of the country, to pay for notions we can’t 
pay for any other way ; and the other is, by 
sending Amos Kindle round tellin folks ‘ The 
Goverment’ is goin to do something, folks 
don’t know exactly what, nor he nuther. 

Then ev’ry body grabs all he can git, and 
holds on; and things are jest as bad as if there 
wasn’t ‘no money:’ and then the Brokers go 
at it, and lather and shave—says they, ‘can 
only give you a little’-—‘ hard times’—the fel- 
lows figer interest for an hour as easy as no- 
thin, and jest so with the pottecarys—only tell 
the folks Kolery is comin, and they go at it 
mixin Paragoric and Kamfire, and chalk it up 
like gold dust. 

Zekel says on the hull, that mony matters 
and Banks, and trade, is all as curious as one 
of Bissel’s clocks; and folks hadn’t ought to 
meddle in regelatin or alterin on’t, without 
knowin all about it. ‘And now,’ says he, 
‘Major, ’m a good mine to spile my watch, 
to show you my notion why I think trouble 
will come if the Ginera] nocks down the U.S. 
Bank.’ 

Zekel is one of them ’ere folks, and always 
was, who would spile a horn, or make a 


84 LETTERS OF 


spoon; and with that he out with his old 
watch, as big as a tea cup, wound her up, and 
then clapt her to myear. ‘She is as true, 
says he, ‘as the tides.’ He then opened it— 
‘Now,’ says he, ‘ Major, do, you see that ’ere — 
chain pullin all the while? and then do you 
see a lot of little wheels, and springs, and 
screws? And here on top isa big wheel; 
that’s all the while goin round one way, and 
back agin, and jest so fast and no faster,— 
that’s the clicker,’ says he, ‘and if it warn’t for 
that, you’d see trouble in it, and I'll show you 
—but I know it will all go to bits—and so he 
twitched out the big wheel, and the old watch 
did whiz, I tell you. Some of them leetle 
wheels went so fast, you couldn’t see nothin. 
One keel’d up, and another got sum teeth ~ 
nock’d out—she stopp’d a spell, then a spring 
snapp’d, and whiz it went agin, and the splin- 
ters flew, and by-and-by it all stop’d; and 
Zekel gin his kew another slickin—and says 
he, ‘Major, we’ve spoil’d the old watch; but 
I don’t value the loss on’t, seein you got a no- 
tion by it’—and with that he scraped it all to- 
gether, and wrapp’d it up in the Washington 
Globe—‘ there,’ says he, ‘ Major, send that to 
‘The Goverment,’ and tell the Gineral there 


MAJOR J. DOWNING, 85 


is more there than folks think on, who want 

to meddle with Banks and mony matters ; 

and to-morrow we'll go into Wall-street, and 

you'll see all I tell’d you is jest so-—and then 

we took a glass of switchel and went to bed. 

Your best friend, 

4 J. Downine, Major, 

Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


86 LETTERS OF 


[Zekel Bigelow called on us yesterday, and handed us the 
following letter from Major Downing. He says the Major has 
gone back to Washington like a streak of lightning; and had not 
time to apologize to the Honourable the Corporation, and other 
public bodies, who by their respective Committees had waited 
on him, and were desirous of showing him the usual civili- 
ties extended to distinguished individuals. Zekel says, he 
‘never see any one so completely in a rumple as the Major 
was;’ he read the Gineral’s letter over two or three times, 
backwards, and forwards, and crosswise, before he said a word ; 
and then he began to mumble the names of some of the Gov- 
ernment, and turned as blue as an indigo bag, till he let it 
out.—Eds.] ; 


LETTER XII. 


Major Downing leaves New-York like a streak—Zekel 
Bigelow turning Broker. 


American Hotel, New-York, 2d Sept., 1833. 

My Goop Otp Frirnp,—I’m stumped. I 
jest got a letter from the Gineral, and until I 
got that letter I thought all the stories about 
the Bank was jest got up by the opposition 
folks, to hurt the Gineral and Mr. Van Buren, 
and Zekel Bigelow thought so too. But the 
Gineral’s letter tells me pretty much all about 
it, and a leetle more too. As soon as I read 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 87 


it to Zelkel, ‘ Well, says he, ‘ Major, my notion 
is, there is some plaguy foul birds in Washing- 
ton, and if some ’on em hain’t siled their own 
neests, I’m mistaken.’ 

The Gineral says he wants me to come 
right on, for tho’ the folks about him say, all 
works well, he’s afraid they’ll git him in a 
tangle—consarn ’em, I don’t know what on 
earth has got in ’em, and the Gineral too, jest 
so sure as I quit him he gits in trouble. I 
must go right back to Washington and try 
and put things strait if I can, but I’m afraid 
they’ll git the Goverment in a plaguy snarl 
afore 1 git there. I was a leetle afraid on’t 
when I left, and I telled the Gineral as much, 


but he said he’d do nothin till I got back, and 


I telled all the folks so in Philadelphy, and 
here too, and things was lookin bright agin, 
and now here’s trouble—nigh upon half of the 
message has got to be pulled all to bits. I 
shall git my dander up if they don’t look out 
sharp, and if I do, some on ’em better streak 
it, [tell you, and that too afore Congress meets. 

Zekel Bigelow says, ‘it’s an ill wind that 


_ blows nowhere,’ and seein that the Gover- 


ment is goin to try to break the Bank, he’s 
goin to turn broker in Wall-street ; he says 


88 LETTERS OF 


there will be no better business stirrin, for 
then folks will have to pay a trifle for eny 
most every draft that’s drawn, and not git their 
business done for nothin as they do now. 
If he does turn broker, you'll hear more on 
him; for he’s a peeler, I tell you. 

If I hadn’t promised the Gineral to stick to 
him threw thick and thin, ’'d go'right home 
to Downingville, and have nothin more to do 
with the Goverment; but if I quit him now, 
the Goverment will go all to smash, jest as 
sure as I am in haste and wrath, 

Your Friend, | | 
J. Downtne, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


Se ee 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 89 


[We are much gratified in having it in our power to give our 
readers another letter from our faithful friend, Major Downing, 
It is peculiarly interesting to hear from him at the present time, 


_when the Globe maintains such a silence respecting recent 


events at Washington. Indeed, if it were not for the Major, the 
public would know nothing of what is going on inside the cabi- 
net. His communications are invaluable, because they may be 
implicitly relied upon. Every body will believe the man who 


_ sleeps in the same bed with ‘ the Gineral.’] 


LETTER XIII. 


Major Downing’s Call on ‘ Squire Biddle’-—The wm- 
portance of Congress—The Major arrives at Wash- 
imgton—Wakes the President to talk with him of 
Raccoons and Skunks. 


To my good old friend, Mr. Dwight, of the Daily Advertiser. 
Washington, 23d Sept., 1833. 

I sent a letter to you by Zekel Bigelow, jest 
afore I left New-York; and I was off as soon 
as they got the steam up. When I got to 
Philadelphy, I only had time to take a run 
round, to see Squire Biddle a minit, and I 
found him pretty busy, but as good-natured 
as ever. ‘ Well,’ says he, ‘ Major, the Gineral 


has opened his battery, but I’m afraid he'll 
H 2 


=a 


90 LETTERS OF 


kill as many friends as enemies.’ ‘ Well} 
says I, ‘that’s no matter, he’s got enuff on 
’em.’ ‘But,’ says he, ‘Major, I thought you 
told us he’d do nothin till you got back agin.’ 
This kinder corner’d me,'and made me a 
little wrathy——and so, says I, ‘Squire, I would 
like to know what you mean to do about it ? 
And so I thought this would kinder corner 
him—‘ Oh,’ says he, ‘ Major, I'll tell you,’ and 
with that he turned round and picked up a 
bundle of letters he was jest goin to send off 
to the Branches, and he read some on ’em; 
and they was all pretty much alike, tellin his 
folks to do all they could in relieving the 
money-market, and not let people suffer, and 
jest to. carry as much sail as they could with-. 
out splittin ’em, for now as the storm had 
come on, they could tell more about it than 
when it was only rumblin and lightenin. 
‘Well, says I, ‘this is a curious piece of 
business. 'The Gineral won’t like this,’ says 
I; ‘and I would like to know your notion.’ 
‘Why,’ says he, ‘Major, we hope the people. 
will decide against him, when Congress 
meets.’ ‘ What, says I, ‘do you call Congress 
‘the people? How you talk,’ says J, ‘and 
if that is your notion of the Goverment, 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 91 


then) says I, ‘Squire, you are a bigger fool 
than I took you for. Why, says I, ‘I and 
the Gineral don’t care no more for Congress, 
than we do for the Ingins’” ‘Well then, says 
he, ‘there is the Cabinet—perhaps they will 
have somethin to say about it.’ ‘ Well, says 
I, ‘that’s worse yet: what has the Cabinet got 
to do with it?—do you think we are goin to 
appoint folks to tell us what todo? No, no,’ 
says I, ‘Squire, you know a good deal, but 
you don’t know nothin about the Goverment 
yet.. The Gineral didn’t fight that New-Or- 
leans battle for nothin, says I; ‘and when 
the people made him President, they knew 
he was the most knowin man goin; and ever 
‘since I’ve been with him, they are more and 
more sartain nothing more is wantin, unless 
it is Mr. Van Buren to cut in when we give 
out, and go to the Hermitage.’ And with that 
I streaked it to Washington. 
_ It was nigh upon midnight when I got to 
the White House, and the Gineral was abed ; 
and as I knew he wanted to see me dreadfully, 
I went right into his room and woke him up. 
‘Why, says he, ‘Major, is that raly you ?— 
for I’ve been dreamin about you. I’m glad 
you are back agin, for things are gittin pretty. 


92 LETTERS OF 


stormy here; so do you come to bed, and 
we'll talk about it.’ As soon as I got along- 
side the Gineral—‘There now,’ says he, 
‘Major, I don’t care for all the rest of the 
Goverment, except Mr. Van Buren; and if 
we three ain’t a match for all creation, fm 
mistaken.’ Says he, ‘Major, hain’t you seen 
my Proclamation agin Biddle? ‘Yes,’ says 
I, ‘I saw it at Baltimore.’ ‘ Well,’ says he, 
‘what do you think of it? ‘Why,’ says I, 
‘Gineral, ’'ve been thinkin a good deal about 
it; and I’m thinkin about it all the while’ 
‘Major,’ says he, ‘that Proclamation agin 
Biddle will kill him and the Bank as dead as 
that one agin the Nullifiers killed Calhoun 
and his party. There is nothin,’ says he, 
‘like a Proclamation. And I have been 
thinkin,’ says he, ‘Major, to git you to write 
one too, for there is a good many things yet 
I didn’t say nothin about. I want you to 
read over Mr. Van Buren’s late letters, and 
you'll find a good many things wants attendin 
to. We have killed Calhoun and Biddle ; but 
there is a raft of fellows to put down yet, 
such as Webster, and McDuffy, and Clay, and 
Binny, and Everett, and Sargent, and Burgess,” 
and a hundred others; and as the most on 


a 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 93 


’em are in Congress, I’m thinkin the best way 
would be for you and I to git up a Proclama- 
tion agin Congress; and that’s what I was 
dreaming about jest now. The most on ’em, 
I reckon, have been borrowin money of Bid- 
dle, or wanted to, and if they hain’t, it’s no 
matter. And Mr. Van Buren thinks it would 
be well to call a convention to nominate a 
President, and you and I can manage to slip 
that in the Proclamation too, and if things 
don’t go right for him, I’ll hold on till it does.’ 
‘Well, says I, ‘Gineral, you know I tell’d 
you I’d stick to you thro’ thick and thin, and 
I’m to be depended on.’ ‘I know it, Major,’ 
says he, ‘and I was only sorry you warnt 
here a few days ago; but Mr>Van Buren said 
there was no time to lose, and the first shot is 
worth a dozen afterward... And so I come 
out agin Biddle at once. And it was jest so 
at New-Orleans ; if I hadn’t gone down and 
gin the English a thump on 23d December, 
they might have licked me on 8th January. 
' And jest so it might be now, if we waited till 
Congress met ; them fellows might recharter 
the Bank in spite of us. But I reckon my 
Proclamation has done up that business—and 
if it hain’t yours will. Do you know,’ says 


94 LETTERS OF 


he, ‘ Major, that some of these fellows about 
me here, had the impudence to tell me tother 
day, I was runnin the risk of bein turned out 
of the White House? ‘Why,’ says I, ‘you 
don’t say so? ‘Yes, says he, ‘it’s a fact; 
but,’ says he, ‘ Major, they don’t know nothin 
about raccoon huntin.’ ‘No,’ says I, ‘nor 
skunkin neither” And then he andJ turned 
to, and told stories one arter another about 
raccoonin and skunkin, till almost daylight; 
and then we went to sleep. I expect my next 
will be a Proclamation, but I don’t know. 
We are pretty busy about everything. 

Your Friend, P 

J. Downine, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 95 


LETTER XIV. a 


Major Downing’s Proclamation, in aid of the Prest- 
dent’s, against the Banks. 


Major Downing’s Clincher,—Published by Authority. 
Washington, 26th Sept. 1833. 

I, pure J. Downine, of the 2d Brigade 
- of Downingville Militia, and second best man 
in the Goverment (I and the Gineral bein 
pretty much the hull on’t), thinkin that the 
last Proclamation agin Biddle and the Bank 
han’t got reasons enuff in it—give out this, 
my Proclamation, by way of a Clincher. 

The times are now gittin pretty squally, 
and if we don’t look out sharp, things will go 
all to smash, and now is the time for all on 
_ you to back me and the Gineral. We have 
been now nigh upon five years at work, 
~ nockin down abuses, and:still things don’t go 
exactly to our notion. We have taken away 
all the offices from the opposition folks; stil 
. some on ’em manage to git money to live on 
somewhere else. We have taken away the 
printin from them, and gin it all to our folks; 


96 LETTERS OF 


still they keep up printin other papers, and | 
we can’t manage to choak them off no how, 
but they will keep jawin, and twittin on us; 
they won’t print none of our notices, but keep 
all the while writin and printin their own, 
and try to make folks think that Webster, and 
McDuffy, and Adams, and Sargent, and Clay, 
and Binny, and Everett, and Gallatin, and a 
raft more of such kinder fellows, know more 
than Mr. Van Buren, Mr. Kendle, Mr. Cam- 
brelling, and Major Barry, and such good 
friends of our’n, and all as true as steel too. 
But I and the Gineral have found out all 
about it. 

Biddle and the Bank are the varmenis,— 
and if they are not put down there is no tellin” 
the harm they'll do us. Biddle’s Bank ain’t 
like other Banks—evry thing it does goes 
pretty much agin us; and most of the other 
Banks do all they can to help us. There is 
one at Albany called the Regency Bank; now — 
that is the right kind of Bank ; it loans money 
only to our friends, and gits its thumb on all 
the Banks it can, and makes them do so too; 
and if they don’t they put the screws on ’em 
—and that’s the reason why our folks are so 
strong in Albany; and if the United States 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 97 


Bank was managed jest like the Regency 
Bank, we should all on us be much better off. 
‘And what was the United States Bank made 
for? Didn’t Mr. Madison, and Mr. Monroe, 
and Mr. Adams, when they were Presidents, | 
jest go into it whenever. they pleased, and — 
shovel out the money to their friends, and the 
opposition folks didn’t git one cent; and now 
that Gineral Jaekson is President, and who 
yas done more for the country than all the 
Presidents, and Ginerals, and Commodores, 
ind the whole bunch on ’em ever did, when 
1e wants to do a trifle for his friends in the 
same way, they won’t let him—‘ Well then,’ 
says he, ‘I’m the Goverment, and I want 
ny money ;’ and then they turn and print 
»00ks and speeches, saying the Gineral ain’t 
he Goverment ; and try to make folks think 
che Secretary of the Treasury and Congress, 
ind not the Gineral, has the right to take 
away the money. Now the Gineral don’t 
vare no more for Congress than he does for 
she Secretary of the Treasury, and he'll sarve | 
them jest as he has him. We don’t want 
hem ; they only make trouble, unless they do 
jest as we tell °em. We want money, and 


nust have it. Some of our folks who have 
I 


98 LETTERS OF 


been working hard for us hain’t got any, and 
we have got no more offices to give ’em. 

The rich folks have pretty much all the 
money, but as we can out vote’em, they ought 
to shell out—and that’s pretty much Mr. Van 
Buren’s notion too. And his notion is, too, 
that there ought to be a convention, to nom- 
inate a President, jest like that one a spell ago 
in Baltimore. One man is enuff for each 
State, only get the right one, and then vote 
by majority, jest as George Creamer did when 
he gave six and thirty votes for old Pennsyl- 
vany. It won’t do to wait-too long—its only 
three years more afore we shall want another 
President, and we ought. to spring to it now 
jest as the Gineral says about the Bank—that’s 
got only three years more to run, and he is 
afraid it can’t wind up as safely by that time 
as it can now, and so he’s goin to give ita 
twist on Ist October—and we mean to follow 
it up till we nock it all to bits, unless Biddle 
resigns, and if he does, the Gineral says he'll 
make me.President of the Bank, and give it a 
new charter, and then we'll git ail our folks 
in and make things go better there. 

There is no use in Congress, or anybody 
else to try and corner the Gineral—he has 


MAJOR J. DOWNING, 99 


thrashed double their number afore this, and 
if they do try to drive him in a corner, it will 
turn out just like a skunkin frolic—the fore- 
most dog will get the worst on’t. 
By order of the Goverment. 
J. Downine, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


100 LETTERS OF 


e 


-LETTER XV. 


Favourable news of the -Broker’s business from Zekel 
—Squire Biddle a Jackson man—A real jaw in the 
Long Room—An editor put in advance of the news. 


To my old friend Mr. Dwight, of the N. Y. Daily Advertiser. 
Washington, 9th October, 1833. 


We have just got the election news from 
Philadelphy, and I and the Gineral aint over 
and above tickled by it after all, seein that our 
folks promised us to get the hull on’t, and 
Girard’s money too. But I tell him we'll git 
that next year; and as we have now got the 
deposits out of the bank, it’s glory enuff for 
one spell. 

I got a letter from Zekel Bigelow t’other 
day, who I see is pretty busy now in Wall-. 
street, and will soon take the shine off the 
most of the Brokers there. He says he and 
the rest of the Brokers got nocked all-aback by 
Squire Biddle agreein to take the branch notes 
from the deposit banks, instead of lettin them 
banks send them away west and south them- 
selves, and which would cost them or the Gov- 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 101 


erment about 3 per cent., unless ihey let the 
Brokers do it for a trifle less. This move of 
Squire Biddle seems to puzzle the Brokers 
considerable: and Zekel says this aint the first 
time the Squire has trod on the toes of the 
Brokers. And as Zekel is now turned Broker 
himself, he don’t seem to like the Squire as 
well as he used to.; but he thinks the Squire 
can’t stand it long, and that he only does it now 
because we have a little money left in his 
bank, and as soon as we take that away, and 
which we are doin now as fast as we can, that 
then the Squire will say he has nothin more 
to do with the Goverment, and let ev’ry bank 
take care of its own bills—or, as Zekel says, 
let evry man ‘skin his own skunks.’ And 
then it’s Zekel’s notion the Brokers will have 
their day. He says, as it is, he is makin a 
good livin in shavin drafts from 4 to 14 per 
cent, which the U. S. Bank used to take and 
- collectfornothin. Heis however plaguy wrathy 
with the deposit banks in New-York makin 
- money so plenty there; for Mr. Taney, our new 
Secretary of the Treasury, has tell’d’em to 
use up in New York pretty much all the Gov- 
erment money they collect there (and they 
collect. pretty much ne hull on’t)—and so. 
i 


102 LETTERS OF 


Zekel thinks there will be trouble away west, 
where they hain’t got as many banks and as 
much mony as they have in Wall-street, and 
so he thinks of takin a turn down there soon, 
for he says there is no chance for Brokers 
where money is as plenty as blackberries. 
The keenest folks we’ve got to look out for 
us about the country is the District Attorneys. 
They hain’t got much to do now in the way 
of their office, and we make ’em attend to 
other matters. We've got a rale sharp little 
fellow to keep an eye out on Squire Biddle, 
and got him in the Bank too. So that the 
Squire can’t get round him no way. That 
report he made to the Gineral t’other day, was 
nigh upon as good as my Bank report.. In 
some things it is much better ; for my ‘report’ 
only tell’d folks what I saw, and what I knew, 
—but his goes a trifle further—it tells the 
Gineral pretty much all about what he didn’t 
see, and what he don’t know, and that’s more 
than. most folks can do; and gives things a 
plaguy curious lawyer’s twist, that helps us 
along considerable. I suppose now the Squire 
will answer this, and tell all about it; and we 
was plaguy fraid he’d do it before the election 
in Philadelphy. But it wo’nt do him no good _ 


& 


MAJOR J. DOWNING 103 


now; we have had the first lick at him, and 
that, the Gineral says, is the best part of the 
battle. I and the Gineral was lookin over the 
accounts that I had taken when I was exam- 
inin the Bank—and comparin them with this 
cute little fellow’s: report, and once and a while 
the Gineral would snort out, I tell you. And, 
says he, ‘ Major, if by any chance we lose Amos 
Kindle,,we must git that little District Attor- 
ney here with us—he’s a puzzler, aint he? 
‘That he is? says I, ‘Gineral ; but I’m afraid,’ 
says I, ‘that the Squire will puzzle him, and us 
too, when he comes out with his reply.’ 

‘But there is one thing, Major,’ says the 
Gineral, ‘that I don’t see how Biddle can git 
round ; and that is, how he dares to take upon 
himself to do what only could be done by the 
Directors. Look at the Charter; there it is as 
plain as A. B.C. He has no right to do a 
single thing, unless ‘the Directors are all pres- 
ent, and agree to it.’ ‘ Well,’ says I, ‘ Gineral, 
that is a puzzler; and yet all the Bank folks 
say he does right; and its more their business 
than ourn. .And,’ says I, ‘ Gineral, come to 
think on’t, and the notion never struck me be- 
fore, but I begin now to believe that Squire 
Biddle is a rale Jackson man.’ ‘ Why,’ says he, 


104 LETTERS OF 


‘Major, you are as crazy as a mad rooster— 
how can you make that out? ‘Why,)says I, ‘1 
do raly believe when the Squire did any thing 
without the Directors, he said, I take the 
responsibility” 'The Gineral got up, stamp’d 
round a spell ; and, says he, ‘ Major, you beat 
all natur.’ But this tickled the Gineral con- 
siderable. ‘Well,’ says he, ‘Major, if I only 
knew he said so, I'd put all the deposits back 
again in the Bank to-morrow ; for I do like 
a man who aint afraid of responsibility.’ 

We come nigh havin a pretty considerable 
riot here last night. JI and-the Gineral had 
been to bed about two hours, and had jest got 
threw talkin over matters, and got into a kinder 
doze, when we was startled by the tarnalest 
racket you ever hear tell on. The Gineral 
jump’d right on eend, and run and got his 
hickory, and I arter him, with the only thing I 
could get hold on handily—‘ Never mind your 
Regimentals and Corderoys, Major,’ says he, 
and down stairs we went, side by side, and Ia 
leetle ahead om him ;—for I always like to 
lead into scrapes, and out of scrapes. There 
is a long room where the most of our folks git 
together, to talk over matters every night, and 
eat: supper; and sometimes they git into a 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 105 


kinder squabble, but keep quiet. But this 
time some how they was in a terrible takin 
and smashin things. They was all at it, Edit- 
ors, and Auditors, and Secretaries’ Clerks, and 
under Post Masters, and. Contractors, jawin 
and poundin one another, and Amos among 
the thickestonem. ‘The Gineral look’d on for 
about a minit, and, says he, ‘ Major, shall I go 
in, or will you? I don’t like to do it, says he, 
‘for they have all done us much sarvice, but 
- wecant let this riot goon.’ ‘Well, says I, ‘Gin- 
eral, do you give me your Hickory,’ and, says 
I, ‘Vil go at ’em, and make short work.’ ‘'l'ake 
_ eare, Major,’ says he, ‘howyou hit,and who you 
hit.’ ‘Never mind,’ says I, ‘Gineral, lll take the 
responsibility.’ ‘Will you,’ says he; ‘well, here’s 
_ my Hickory ;—for,’ says he, ‘ Major, tho’ I dare 
_ do eny most any thing, I must confess J dare 
not take that responsibility.’ And with that he 
went to bed, and I went at ’em, and such a 
| time Inever had. The first clip I made was 
; at Amos,—but he dodged it, and I hit one of 
| the Editors of the Globe, and nocked him 
» about into the middle of next week.—One fel- 
low got a fryin pan and made fight, but it was 
no use, for in less than a minit I cleared ’em 
| 
: 


106 LETTERS OF 


al]. As soon as they come to know who it was, 
they kinder tried to curry favor ; and one said 
one thing, and one another; and every one 
tried to shuffle off upon the others; it was a 
considerable spell before I could get the cause 
on’t; and then it turn’d out that the dispute 
began about the public deposits, and the next 
President, and a new Bank, and Mr. Duane 
and Squire Biddle, and Mr. Van Buren,—and 
all mixed up so, I couldn’t make head nor tail 
on’t. ‘ Now,’ says I, ‘my boys, make an eend 
on’t:’ and with that I slap’d the old Hickory 
down on the table, and I made their teeth 
chatter. ‘My dander is up,’ says I; ‘and one 
word more and I’m down upon: you. What,’ 
says I, ‘a riot here at midnight—aint it glory 
enuff for you, says I, ‘to sarve under the Gin- 
eral? If it ain’t, says I, ‘then ’m mistaken, 
and Mr. Van Buren too,—for he thinks it is, 
—and I think so too. And now,’ says I, ‘no 
more jawin’—and I jeft them ; and when I got 
back to the Gineral, I found him in a terrible 
takin; and it was nigh upon day light afore 
we could git to sleep. He was all the while 
talkin about Amos Kindle, and the rest on ’em; 
and I do raly believe the Gineral would never 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 107 


_ have gone to sleep, unless I tell’d him I would 
stick by him; and whenever the folks about 
- us got into a snarl, if he would only lend me 
: his Hickory, ‘ I’d take the responsibility.’ 
- Yours to Sarve, 
J. Downtne, Major, © 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade, 


108 LETTERS OF 


LETTER XVI. 


Trouble in the Cabinet—The use of Vacancies—Amos 
_ ina Panic—Mr. Van Buren’s Nature and Prospects 
—A Rat among the Barrels. 


To my old friend Mr. Dwight, of the N. Y. Daily Advertiser. 

Washington, 22d October, 1833. 
My last letter to you tell’d you about that 
‘ere scuffle I had among some of our folks 
down stairs ; and do you know it has been nigh 
bringing war among us. Mr. Van Buren 
came down here all in a lather about it. He 
was plaguy fraid there would be more volun- 
tary dismissals; and he says it won’t do to 
have too many of them all at once, or the folks 
about the country will begin to think that we 
ain’t units. Some on’em did try, I suspect, 
to make muddy water between me and the 
Gineral ; for one day when I was busy doin up 
some writin for the Gineral, he was called out, 
and had a long talk with Mr. Van Buren and 
Amos Kindle, and some more on ’em; and 
whef he came back, says he, ‘ Major, I wish 
you and I was at the Hermitage.’ ‘ Why,’ 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 109 


saysI, ‘how so, Gineral? ‘Well, I don’t 
know exactly why,’ says he,.‘ but I don’t see,’ 
says he, ‘what use there is in my bein here, 
for things are gittin now so mixed up, that I 
can’t tell exactly what is best to do to get Mr. 
Van Buren.in. Do you know, Major,’ says 
he, ‘that Mr. Van Buren says he don’t think 
it was right to move the deposits.’ -‘ Why how 
you talk! says I. ‘Didn’t he advise it? 
‘Well, so I thought,’ says the Gineral ; ‘but 
he says it would be best. only to hold it up ‘by 
the tail, as you doa fox, and keep all the dogs 
barking for it; for as soon as you throw the 
fox in the crowd, a few old Jowlers grab hold, 
and the rest don’t git a mouthfull; and then 
comes trouble.’ | 

‘Well,’ says. I, ‘Gineral, that’s true enuff, 
and that’s jest the way we are doin now with 
the minister to England, and some other ap- 
pointments.; we must keep the folks smellin 
round, and one vacancy ¢o fill, says I, ‘is 
worth a dozen filled up.’ ‘But, Major, that 
ain’t the worst trouble now,’ says the Gineral ; 
and he got up, and stomped about, and then 
came back and filled his pipe, and stomped 
about agin, without lightinit. I see there was 
troubie brewin. Says he, ‘ Major, I don’t care 

K 


110 LETTERS OF 


so much about it myself; but they say you 
must make Amos Kindle an apology for that 
blow you aimed at him tother night.’ And 
with that I riz right up, and walked straight 
up chamber, and put on my rigementals, and 
my cocked hat, and hooked on my sword, and 
went strait down stairs to Amos. ‘ Here,’ 
says I, ‘ Mister, the Gineral says you want to 
say somethin to me.’ -‘O no, Major,’ says he, 
‘there must be some mistake.’ ‘ Well then, 
says I, ‘it is that you want me to say some- 
thin to you.’ ‘Ono,’ says he, ‘ that’s a greater 
mistake’ I looked at him for about a minit ; 
and he shook like a North Carolina ague. 
Says he, ‘ Major, I suspect the Gineral meant 
you to look over with mea statement I am 
gittin up, showing how much mony Mr. Clay 
has received of the Bank; it is almost done,’ 
says he, ‘and [ll bring it up for you and the 
Gineral, and Mr. Van Buren to see’ ‘Very 
well,’ says I, ‘that’s enuff.’ And back I went 
to the Gineral; and as-soon as I got in front 
of him, I stopped. ‘Now,’ says I, ‘ Gineral, 
what was that you was sayin a while ago that 
you wanted me to do” ‘The Gineral was 
stumped; he looked at me a spell, and says 
he, ‘ Major, I reckon I’ve forgot it; and sup- 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 111 


pose we say no more about it.’ And jest then 
in came Mr. Van Buren, and shortly after Amos 
came in, and we all sot down, and began to 
fizer up the ’counts that our little District 
Attorney had been sendin to Amos Kindle, 
about the money the Bank had paid to Mr. 


_ Clay for his sarvices from the time Mr. Cheves 


employed him to sue the folks away West 
there, when the Bank closed up one of its 
branches. And it figers up pretty considera- 
ble. And Amos has got it so fixed, that it 
looks for all the world like ‘bribery and cor- 


_ ruption ;’ and we are comin out with it, and 


a good deal more too; and if it dont’t kill 


| Clay, I’m mistaken. 


The Gineral is as wrathy as thunder about 


| Clay’s journey north, and Mr. Van Buren 
don’t like i, abitnother. But the Gineral tells 


Mr. Van Buren, if so be that the folks north 
and south, and all about creation, take a no 


| tion to Mr. Clay, and think he would make a 


better President than Mr. Van Buren,—then 
he, the Gineral, will hold on for a 3d heat ; 


_ and that’s about my notion too. Mr. Van Bu- 


ren would stand a good chance in a race, 


when a good many are runnin, and if the 
_ground is muddy and slippery; for he isa 


112 LETTERS OF 


master hand at trippin folks. But I’m afraid 
he’d stand a slim chance over a clear field, 
And it ain’t fair to make him runso. Any 
man can catch a vat ina strait race, because 
he ain’t used to 14; but give him a few old 
barrels and logs to dodge round, then, I tell 
you, it’s pretty tuff work. 

I hain’t had a letter from Zekel Bigelow for 
some time. I raly begin to think that crittur 
has left Wall-street, and gone Hast with Mr, 
Clay—can you find out, and let me know ? 

Your friend, 
J. Downing, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 1S. 


[Mason Downine.—We were just preparing an article, going 
_ to show that we doubted the authenticity of the remarks of our 
friend of the Portland Courier, who claims to be the only pub- 
lisher of Major Downing’s Letters, by stating what we before 
asserted, that we believed ourselves his only publishers, when 
by due course of the mail we received the following letter from 
the Major himself. We find that we, like our friend in Port- 
land, were equally hoodwinked by this astute politician, who 
Jed us, by inuendo at least, to believe we individually were his 
_ exclusive publishers ; and now it turns out that he, like other 
politicians of the day, dealt out his notions to suit latitudes— 
‘hogs’ fat to one, and fresh butter to another.’ We but do the 
Major common justice in believing that his letters originally 
published ,in this paper (now to the number of about twenty, 
and some pretty considerable long ones), embracing his invalu- 
able Bank Report, contributed mainly, and we had almost said 
exclusively, to his present celebrity. Wehave no other interest, 
however, than to see in the event of a publication, that our 
hero may not have occasion to say he has been shorn of his 
i fame by his friends, in publishing his ‘hogs’ lard’ and not his 
‘fresh butter’ letters.—Eds ] 


LETTER XVII. 


Major Downing acknowledges all his juvenile Produc- 
tions—His Apology for writing better now sis 
formerly. 
To my Old Friend of the Portland Courier. 
Washington, October 27, 1833. 

I sEE by the public papers you are about to 
print my letters to you—and you say I have 
written no other letters except those I writ to 


you. Why, my good old friend, if I had 
2 


114 LETTERS OF 


never quit Downingville, and never looked | 
beyend your little Courier, I should never | 
have been so great a manas I now be. Sup- | 
pose Mr. Van Buren had never done any 
thing out of Kinderhook, do you think he | 
would be as greata man as he isnow? And 
the Gineral too—suppose he had stuck to the | 
Hermitage, do you suppose he would be Presi- 
dent? No, no—this is a.pretty considerable | 
of a country ; and what suits:one part of it | 
don’t another—and as soon as I saw whata | 
shocking big place New-York was, says I, | 
‘Now I'll do more than write for Portland;’ and | 
as I knowed my old friend Dwight had about | 
as big and round a head as most folks in the © 
printin line, and once a friend is always so, I . 
took to write to him too; and you and he are ~ 
the only ones I ever writ a word to. I didn’t 
trouble you about many things I thought best 
to write to him about; because you don’t — 
know as much your way about some things, — 
as you do about others. And I got so mixed — 
up with great public affairs, that you wouldn’t 
know no more about what I was at, than 
if I had got the Gineral to write you in 
Latin. 

Now, if you want to print my letters ina 
book. vou had better git my old friend Dwight 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 115 


: 


to give you all the letters I writ to him too; . 
for, to tell you the truth, when I writ to him, 
Tlaid out a good deal of pains; and it was 
jest like goin to market—you know what 
‘suits Portland won’t suit York; hogs’ lard 
will do for one, but the other won’t take nothin 
but fresh butter to fry their fish with. 

Little and Holden, of Philadelphy wanted 
to print my letters to Mr. Dwight, and they 
say they will give pictures with them, on eny 

“most every page, and have my Lee tteans and 
the Gineral’s, and Mr. Van Buren’s, and 
Squire Biddle’s, and all the Downingville 
folks too. If you can manage with them and 
Mr. Dwight, and git them altogether, it would 
be better, and then all the kounterfits would 
stand no chance. 

But you can do as you sie about that ; 
only I now tell you, that my letters to Mr. 
‘Dwight are, if any thing, a leetle better than 
my letters to you; and folks think more on 
’em than they do of any others I ever writ ; 
and if it warn’t for them I might have been 
‘Major Jack Downing to be sure, but I would 
‘nothavebeen 

J. Downina, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade, 


116 LETTERS OF 


LETTER XVIII 


Flattering prospects of the President’s Message—. 
Indian Rights and Wrongs. 


To my old frend, Mr. Dwight, of the New-York Daily 
Advertiser. 


Washington, 2d Nov. 1833. 

Tue Congressmen are jest beginnin to ar- 
rive here, and I suppose in a short time we 
shall have them here as thick as huckleberries ; 
and the Gineral is brushin round now, and 
says the Message must be finished and painted” 
off hand, and we are all as busy as bees in 
gittin it dove-tailed together; and after next. 
week, the Gineral says, there can’t be any. 
more alterations. It is the first Message I. 
ever had any hand in; and tho’ I say it, I 
guess you will say it is about as complete a: 
thing as ever was sent express anywhere. 

I have been to work on it ever since we 
was at the Rip-Raps; and tho’ it has been. 
all pulled to bits, to git in some notions, we: 
didn’t think on, yet it will look pretty slick, , 
I tell you, when it’s done; and we will lay 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 117 


on paint enuff to kiver up all the cracks and 
seams, 

We shall give a pretty good lick at the 
Bank, and won’t leave as much on’t standin 
as would make a good sized oven. It is 
_curius now to see how easy it is to build up, 
or nock all to bits, any thing on paper. Now 
jest see about the Bank—there it stands im 
_Chesnut-street, with its hundred cord of specie, 
and its cart-load of books; and its branches 
here and there, and all busy, and full of clarks 
‘and directors, and folks in Europe, and all 
about creation dealin with it ; and the Brokers 
in Wall-street all busy about it: and Biddle’s 
‘bills goin about, and most folks thinkin they 
are better than hard dollars; and all the old 
men and women holdin the stock, supposin it 
will go up agin as high as they paid for it; 
and J, and the Gineral, and Amos Kindle, and 
Mr. Van Buren talkin over it—and one line 
‘in, the Message nocks it all into kindlin-wood. 

‘For, you see, when ‘the Goverment’ says a 
thing must be jest so, there is no help for it 
—we can’t stand to chat about trifles.. The 
'Gineral has broken three pipes the last time 
we talked about it. ‘Biddle and the Bank 


118 LETTERS OF 


must be smashed,’ says he, ‘ Major,—and so 
smash they go, Congress or no Congress. 
The next thing was the Ingins. Here the 
Gineral to hum-—and I don’t pretend to say 
nothin, for I never did like an Ingin, and 
never can. ‘The Cherokees give us a good 
deal of trouble in Georgia last year; but the 
Gineral took sides with Georgia, because he 
had a good many friends there, and Mr. Van 
Buren had too; for that state was the only 
one that nominated him Vice-President a spell 
ago; and if he had got in there, and Mr, 
Crawford President, who was ailin all over 
with some plaguy appleplery—I and the 
Gineral would never have been hearn on 
arterward. But no matter—the Gineral says 
he didn’t make that treaty with the Chero- 
kees—and it was made so long ago, he has 
eny most forgot it—and treaties oughtn’t to 
last forever. But this treaty with the Creeks 
in Alabama, he did make, and he knows all 
about it; and he means to stand by it, and 
turn all the squatters off the land in Alabama, 
jest as they wanted him to do in Georgia— 
but he wouldn’t—there is trouble enuff about 
it, I tell you—and you don’t know nothin 
about it in York; but the Gineral is tikled to — 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 119 


death about it; and as soon as he saw the 
Proclamation of the Governor of Alabama, 
you never see a crittur so spruced up as the 
- Gineral was. ‘Major,’ says he, ‘by the 
 etarnal, we shall have another Nullification 
this Congress, arter all. You needn’t say 
much about it,’ says he, ‘in the Message,— 
_ we'll keep that for a Proclamation.’ ‘ Well,’ 
says I, ‘Gineral, you are a master-hand at 
 gittin into trouble.’ ‘But, says he, ‘ Major, 
~ain’t Ia master one in gittin out of one?’ says 
he. 

We've got an old trunk up-chamber, full 
of troubles—old laws, and treaties, and con- 
tracts, and state claims—and whenever we 
want any powder, all we’ve got to do is to 
open that, and snook among old papers, and 
get up a row in no time. ‘The Gineral likes 
this a leetle better than I do, for the most of 
the labour falls on me; and the only way I 
can git rid of it is to make our folks down 
stairs do it, if I see it gives any on ’em a boost 
with his party—for I don’t care nothin about 
any thing here but the Gineral ; and if I can 
git him threw this Congress, its pretty much 
all I care about, and he too; for arter that, 
I’m goin with him to the Hermitage, for I 


120 LETTERS OF 


expect by that time there wont be much 
more left of us than our beards and shoe- 
strings. 
Your friend, 
J. Downtna, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade, 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 121 


* 


LETTER XIX. 


The President’s Plan for managing the Bank and the 

Country—Hunt for lost Spectacles—How and where 
» they were found. 

To my old friend Mr. Dwight, of the N _Y. Daily Advertiser. 
Washington, 12th November, 1833. 

I nave always been tellin the Gineral, as 
you know, that. of all troubles there was none 
so tuff to git round as money troubles, and 
when such matters git in a snarl it was worse 
than tryin to straiten a melitia line arter din- 
ner. I was always afraid that we was gittin 
‘too many folks to handle the money, and to 
‘be figerin at the ’counts. Ever since I was a 
boy I always had a notion that the fewer 
hands in countin the better, and the less you 
handle money the better, for the more you 
handle it, somehow, the less it grows. And 
then agin I tell’d the Gineral, over and over 
agin, ‘ Don’t meddle with the Bank, says I; 
‘the money is safe enuff there, and one pocket,’ 
says I, ‘Gineral, is better than twenty” But 
you know when I:was in New-York'with Ze- 


kel Bigelow tryin to find out the cause of 
ae 


122 ' LETTERS OF 


money bein scarce, and when Zekel bre 
his watch showin me how the United States 
Bank worked among other banks, the folks: 
somehow got round the Gineral, and the de- 
posits was removed. —_ 

I have been lookin out for trouble ever 
since, though I was bound to stick to the Gi 
eral, right or wrong, as.I telled him I woulda . 

other day, whem we came to that part of. 
the message where we have to speak of mony, 
matters, we sent for Mr, T'aney, our new Se 
retary of the Treasury, to bring in his ace 
counts. He warn’t quite ready, for he ain't 
as quick at siferin yet as he will be to rights} 
so we waited for him a spell, and left a place. 
here and there in the message, jest big enuff 
to put in figers: and so last night the Gineral 
sent agin, and said he must have the ’counts, 
‘ready or not ready, and up they came, sure. 
enuff, and not more than half-cooked ; but the 
Gineral won’t wait for nothin when he’s ina. 
hurry. ‘Now,’ says he, ‘ Major, turn to and 
see how they stand with last year.”, And so 
at it I went, comparin all the amounts of out 
lays, the Gineral all the while smokin and. 
thinkin pretty hard, with his feet up on the’ 
mantle. I figered up the sums pretty quick, | 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 123 


— there was a good many on ’em 
called estimates ; and when I got to the eend 
‘on’t, ‘Now,’ s says I ‘Gineral, you know I tell’d 
‘you that. we could git up and put down nulli- 
fication in no time—we could turn out a cab- 
‘net and appint other folks—we could send 
‘ninisters abroad, and let ’em come home as 
soon as they BReabed™ ‘and send other folks in 
‘heir places, and give all full pay too—we 
sould nock the United States Bank and Squire 
Biddle all into splinters—we could let our 
‘olks go on the Ingin lands in one place and 
‘rive toon off in other places, and git up an 
cen War—and appint new officers here 


‘nd there—and have new auditers to settle 


counts—and let things go on in the Post 
fice and Land Office pretty much to suit the 
‘olks there—and instead of havin one Bank 
‘or our mony, scatter it about among the 
ranks of our friends. All this we could do, 
nd have done, and have taken the responsi- 
lity too, and the folks like us the better for 
‘ts but, says I, ‘when they come to see what 
tall costs there'll be trouble, now I tell you,’ 
‘ays I. 

' ‘Why, Major, says the Gineral, ‘what's the 
aatter ’ ? ain’t ‘the Goverment’ economical ? 


| 


wd 


124 LETTERS OF 


says he: ‘do you expect to make reforms 
without costin somethin? Can you clear up 
swamps, and cut ditches, and remove old! 
stumps without expense? ‘Yes’ says I, 
‘Gineral, that’s all true. But, plague on’t) 
says I, ‘it’s ben goin on so now nigh upon 5) 
years ; and,’ says I, ‘it keeps costin more and | 
more, and we are nearer bein swamp’d and | 
stump’d than ever—here,’ says I, ‘now jest 
look and see what ‘the Government’ costs 
now, and what it cost when Mr. Adams was 
President ; and that ain’t the worst on’t, says. 
I, ‘our money is here, there, and everywhere; 
and I don’t see how we shall find it when we) 
want it.’ 

As soon as I mention’d the amount of the 
sums I had figered up, the Gineral jumps up, 
and he did stomp about a spell, I tell you— 
he smash’d down his pipe, and. it flew into 
more than forty pieces—says he, ‘ Major, ain’t 
you mistaken? ‘ No,’ says I, ‘ thare’s no mis- 
take about me, Gineral.’ ‘Let me see them 
accounts,’ says he; and he begun to feel for 
his spectacles, first in one pocket, and then in 
another—for he had no less than 7 pockets 
besides his watch fob—and he couldn’t find 
his spectacles—says he, ‘ Major, have you seen 


ee 


RSQQN 
“~~ SSAsc_eo 


SN WS SRA ~ 


muh) | 
Wi Sh 
‘} \ 
. d We 
BUH IM As 
Mic i 


| 
V \} 
\ { 
\ \ 
hi ‘ ‘i < 
i) Ny ~ \\\ yr 
Wr iy Mal ‘ 
i! ) i it} 
NHI i { 
iP Ht \: } 
( WWAN\\ TT i 
| ) i [ees 
) ; | 
i in) Ye wisi, 
f= 
We 
= vif 
| 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 125 


my spectacles?’ ‘ No,’ says I, ‘ Gineral, I hain’t 
—where do you keep ’em? says I—‘ Why,’ 
says he, ‘I used always to keep ’em in this 
side breast-pocket, but I have been so pester’d 
lately, I must have chang’d pockets’-—‘ That’s 
bad, says I, ‘Gineral, especially, says -J, 
‘when one wants any thing in a hurry. 
Now,’ says I, ‘I only keep one pocket; and I 
‘got that notion,’ says I, ‘from Squire Biddle, 
for he keeps eny most every thing in one 
pocket, and he can tell in a minit pretty much 
all about eny thing.’ 
The Gineral kept all the while feelin and 
' turnin his pockets inside out, but no specta- 
cles. Says he, ‘Major, I reckon them ’ere 
spectacles are somewhere in one of these 
_ pockets, and I'll find’em,’ says he, ‘if I have to 
take my shirt off;? and at it he went, and he 
off coat and jacket, and I don’t know what all, 
and I all the while shakin ’em to find the 
_ spectacles—by-and-by I see a hole in his pan- 
taloons-pocket; ‘I’m on track now,’ says I, 
‘Gineral; here’s a hole’ and, sure enuff, when 
he came to take off his boots, there was his 
best gold-rim specs, and all broke to flinders— 
and if we hadn’t been lookin for ’em, and if I 
_hadn’t seen that ’ere Ro you never would say 
L 


8 


126 LETTERS OF 


they ever had. been specs, for they were all 
jam’d to nothin. 

There was a curious notion then jest come 
into my head, and I stood stock still, holdin 
the Gineral’s pantaloons in one hand and his 
right boot upside down in tother, and there — 
lay the specs on the floor (or what there was 
left on ’em); and the Gineral stood lookin at 
me with eny most nothin on him, and the- 
Message and the Treasury ’counts and my 
slate lay on the table—there warn’t a word 
said. for more than 10 minits—an awful time 
to stand so. By 

So to rights the Gineral he spoke, and says 
he, ‘ Major, what are you thinkin on ? ‘ Why,’ 
says I, ‘ Gineral, I was thinkin,’ says I, ‘if you 
had kept your spectacles in your side breast- 
pocket, they would be on your nose now ; but, 
says I, ‘that ain’t the worst on’t, ’m afeard, 
says I, ‘ Gineral, we’ve got too many pockets 
for our money, and when we want it we shall 
all have to eome to our shirts and boots before — 
we find it.’ 

The Gineral got as hornety as all nature at 
this; and says he, ‘Major, I wish now you 
was only Calhoun, or Biddle, or Clay, or 
M‘Duffy, or Don Pedro, or Black Hawk, or 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 127 


any one but Major Downing—for I feel as if I 
should like to give some one a thrashing’ 
‘Why, says I, ‘Gineral, you ain’t mad nor 
nothin, be you? for I am too, says I; ‘and 
ev'ry time I look at the ’counts,’ says I, ‘I feel 
as if I would like to git hold of some one, and 
thrash ’em too,—and so we stomped about a 
spell, cussin and discussin most things, till we 
got cool agin—but it was a considerable of a 
storm, I tell you. 
, Your friend, 
J. Downine, Major, 

: Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade, 
. i 


128 LETTERS OF 


LETTER XX. 


Account of the important difference between common 
‘Specs’ and Magical Glasses; showing by plam 
matters of fact, how much more difficult it 1s to see 
through the latter than it is the former. 


To my old friend Mr. Dwight, of the New-York Daily Adver- 
tiser, who prints none but my own genwine letters— 


Washington, 30th, Nov. 1833. 

Tue last letter [ writ you tell’d you about 
the hunt we had arter the Gineral’s specs, 
and when we found ’em they was all stomp’d 
to bits in his boot. The Gineral and all onus 
have been in trouble ever since about it, for 
they was given to him by Mr. Van Buren 
the very day Mr. Van Buren came to jine him 
at Washington as Secretary of State, and he 
tell’d the Gineral never to Jet nobody handle 
them are specs but himself, and that when 
they got out of order, never to let nobody 
mend ’em but himself. And, do you know, so 
particular was the Gineral, that when Mr. 
“Yan Buren was absent, I have known him to 
send them specs clean to England for Mr. 
Van Buren to fix ’em for hm; for they hada 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 129 


dozen little screws and springs to ’em, that 
sometimes would get out of order, and when 
that was the case, you couldn’t see no more 
threw ‘em than you could threw Mr. Van 
Buren himself. As soon then as we found 
‘em all broke to bits, as I tell’d you in my last 
letter, the Gineral was in the greatest trouble 
I ever see; and he wrote right off to Mr. Van 
Buren about it, and sent the letter by express 
clear to Albany, where Mr. Van Buren was; 
and until that express got back agin, the Gin- 
eral could do nothing with business. He was 
as bad off as an owl in the sunshine. So 
to rights the express got back, and brought 
a letter from Mr. Van Buren, and a new pair 
of specs—jest like the old ones (afore they 
was broken)—there wan’t a might of differ. 
ence. : 

He put ’em on, and he looked as natural 
agin in’em asever. ‘Aha! says he, ‘ Major, 
these are the specs, after all. Tis strange, says 
he, ‘I can’t see things with Governor Cass’s 


'specs, nor Governor Woodberry’s, nor any- 


body’s, as well as I can with these, for they 
are jest like the pair I broke ;——and then he 
read Mr. Van Buren’s letter. ‘See here now, 
Major,’ says the Gineral, ‘how kind it is in 


I30 LETTERS OF 


Mr. Van Buren to caution me, agin and agin, 
not to touch the screws; and do you know,’ 
says the Gineral, ‘ that ever since I have had 
Mr. Van Buren with me, that whenever we 
come to read over any long statement about 
politics, and who to appint, or what to do with 
the Bank, or any thing that required sharp 
looking into, he would always first examine 
my specs, and take ’em off to the window, or 
to a corner with a light, and see that all was 
right, and try ’em himself, and then bring ’em 
back to me; for, as he says (and he is a knowin 
crittur) that unless I can see well into every 
thing, I best see nothin.’ 

A kinder notion than jest began to git in 
my head that I couldn’t scratch out all I could 
do. And says J, ‘Gineral, I would like now 
peskily to examine them specs; for if Mr. 
Van Buren has not got a patent for ’em (and 
seein he is Vice-President, and don’t need one); 
I think of gitting one myself.’ ‘Well, says 
the Gineral, ‘I never like to refuse you nothin ; 
but Mr. Van Buren made me promise never 
to let nobody examine into ’em, and especially 
you ; for, says he, ‘Major, do you know that 
Mr. Van Buren has a notion you know a good 
deal about contrivances, and that it is the 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 131 


natur of your people Down East : and it might - 
be he intends to git a patent himself for these 
very specs ; and if so, he ought to have it, for 
he says they are jest as much his invention as 
your letters are yourn.’ ‘ Well,’ says I, ‘its 
no matter” But I got a kink in me to exam- 
in them are specs; and I couldn’t sleep, nor 
eat, nor drink, till I got hold on ’em. ‘So one 
night, when I and the Gineral had ben readin 
over the Message, and it was all finished and 
complete, he put his name to it; ‘And now, 
says he, ‘ Major, do*you attend to the printin 
on’t, and git about 100 copies on’t to send to 
our folks who are distant, so they can gitit as 
soon and a little afore the opposition folks can 
send it express, after it is delivered to Con- 
gress ;’ and so he went to bed, for he was eny 
most beat out. ‘ Now,’ thinks J, ‘for a try at 
them specs’—for I was all the while thinkin on 
’em ; and the public work couldn’t go on with- 
out’em. And so I snook’d’ em out, and clapp’d 
them on—the Gineral all the while snorin like 
anorth-wester. 

As soon as I took up the Message, and look’d 
at it, ITcouldn’t make head nor tail on’t. !t 
seem’d to me jest, for all the world like one of 
them show-boxes—all the letters and figers was 


132 LETTERS OF 


goin round and round, and look’d all the while 
like some of them crouds we see last summer 
on the grand tower, throwin up hats, and cryin 
huzza for the Gineral and Major Downing, and 
Mr. Van Buren; and then, agin, there was a 
great glare, and it seem’d jest as if the Gineral 
was in the middle on’t, and Mr. Van Buren, 
and Major Barry, and Amos Kindle, and a raft 
more of our folks, all seem’d to be standing 
round, firing off rockets; they would squirt 
up over the Gineral, and burst, and then. 
shower down stars (jest’S! folks tell on tother 
night when the stars all did git a caperin)— 
and jest as they would come nigh the Gineral 
those stars would git together and burst agin ; 
and then you could see nothin but ‘ glory, and 
not a mite of the Gineral. 

‘ Well,’ thinks I, ‘if the Gineral can read the 
Message with these specs, it’s more than I can.’ 
But I stuck to it, I kept turnin over the leaves - 
till I got to the ‘Treasury Accounts and the 
Bank business, and the deposits, and matters 
of such nature,—I had read all that over so 
often..before, with the Gineral, I had it all by 
heart. But when I came to look at it through: 
them specs, it was no more like it than I am 
like Mr. Van-Buren. The accounts: was all 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 133 


jumbled up, and then came another spell of 
‘glory’ agin; the letters and figers all turnin 
into a crowd of folks and throwin up hats: 
and there was Squire Biddle standin at the 
door of his Bank, and Clay, and Webster, and 
Calhoun, and a crowd more of such chaps 
about him, with clubs in their hands, keepin 
off our folks, who all seem’d to be tryin to git 
into the windows ; and some had got in and 
was jest comin out with bags on their backs, 
and among ’em I could see the cashiers of the 
new Deposit Banks, with as much as they 
could stagger under, and all carryin a label 
with ‘ glory’ and ‘ huzza for Gineral Jackson,’ . 
and then agin up went another batch of rock- 
ets! and there was the Gineral in another 
blaze of ‘glory; and jest as fast as I turn’d 
over the leaves, and look’d aspell, every thing 
would git to caperin agin, and end in a blow 
up; and I could jest git a glimps of the Gin- 
eral, all kivered up in ‘ glory.’ 

Well, thinks I, if things look so to the Gin- 
eral, as they do to me threw these specs, I 
don’t wonder so much that he don’t always see 
’em as other folks do; and then I went to 
work, lookin into the contrivance ; I give one 
screw a twist one way, and the glasses flew — 

M 


134 LETTERS OF 


round like a flash ; and I took up the Message 
agin, and had another look, the letters and. 
figures would all jump about a spell, and 
change sides; and when you come to read 
’em, they warnt nothin like what I had writ- 
ten ’em; so I kept on turnin the screws, and 
slippin the springs, and every time I'd try an- 
other look, things kept all the while lookin dif- 
ferent—and by-and-by I got ’em so that things 
look’d jest as they are; and as they look threw 
most specs. ‘ Well,’ thinks I, ‘if this don’t beat 
all natur.’-—And the more I look’d into the con- 
trivance of them are specs, the more I began to 
think that they knew a thing or two in Albany. 
‘And now,’ thinks J, ‘I'll leave these specs as 
they now are, and let the Gineral take a look 
at things as he used to, before Mr. Van Buren 
gave him a pair of spectacles. And so the 
next morning, when the Gineral come into 
the Cabinet-room up-chamber, the first thing 
he said, says he, ‘ Major, V’ll take ‘good care 
how I put these specs in my pantaloons- 
pocket agin.’ And he took ’em out-of his side- 
pocket, and begun rubbin’em ; ‘ Now,’ says he, 
‘Major, jest let me take another look at that 
Message. I want to see,’ says he, ‘how the 
Treasury ’counts and the Bank matters look i 


. 


MAJOR J. DOWNING, 135 


once more, for, do you know,’ say she, ‘ Major, 
I don’t know much about figers, and every time 
I read that over, I’d get puzzled. But I sup- 
pose it’s all right ; and as soon as J git puzzled 
with such matters, or any ether matters, I 
seem to think the people understand it if I 
don’t; for 1 can almost swear J can see ’em 
jest as glad, let me do or say what I will, as 
they all was on the grand tower ; and that’s 
enuf’ So I turned over the- Message to that 


part the Gineral wanted to see; and he put 


on his specs, and went on to readin it. 

I kept my eye on him; he look’d a spell, and 
blink’d, and twisted his mouth, and took off 
his specs and rubb’d ’em, and look’d agin and 
blink’d, and twisted his eyebrows, laid the 
Message on his knees, and begun to reckon 
on his fingers—for he is a master-hand at that, 
and can do a sum so, nigh upon as quick as I 
can with a slate—so to rights, says he, ‘ Major, 
I don’t like the looks of thisa bit.’ ‘ How so,’ 
says 1? ‘ Well, says he, ‘I don’t know, but it 


don’t look as it used to.’ And with that he 
lookd up over the mantel-tree piece—and 


started back, and look’d agin, and twisted his 
eyebrows and lips plagily ; and to rights says 
he, ‘ Major, whose likeness is that in plaster ? 


136 LETTERS OF 


‘Why,’ says I, ‘that’s Mr. Van Buren, anda 
good likeness too’ ‘Well, whose is that? 
‘Why that’s yourn,’ says I, ‘and it looks for 
all the world like. you’-—and with that he 
jump’d up and took his Hickory, and with one 
lick he smashed’ both on ’em into powder. 
Jist then in come Amos Kindle with some 
newspapers, and the Gineral walk’d right up 
to him with his Hickory in one hand, and the 
other hand holdin on his spectacles—the Gin- 


eral blinked at him a spell, Amos bowed—_ 


‘Who are you? says the Gineral; ‘ what do you 
want ? and jest as he was going to speak, the 
Gineral fetched him a clip, and if he hadn’t 
been a master-hand at dodging, you’d a heard 
no more on him: he streaked it for the door, 
and got out in time. ‘Major, says the Gin- 
eral (taking off his specs to give ’em another 
wipe), ‘warn’t that Calhoun, or was it Duff — 
Green? ’twas one or tother of them slim 
streaked-looking fellers, I’m sartin” I see 
there was no time to lose, and at this rate the 
Gineral would smash all the lookingg-lasses, 
and the Message too, and every thing else 
about him, if I couldn’t git them are specs 
back agin, to fix the screws jest as Mr. Van 


| 


Buren had ’em, so that he could see ‘glory’ agin 


MAJOR J. DOWNING, 137 


and nothin else ; and so [ tell’d the Gineral to 
let me wipe his specs: and as soon as I got 
em, I screw’d ’em back to the old place, and 
ever since that, things go on smooth agin. I 
don’t like to show the Gineral the nature of 
this contrivance yet of Mr. Van Buren’s, but 
when Congress gets agoin, we shall have high 
times, and when the good time comes to let 
‘the Gineral see things as they are, without 
any ‘glory, Tl jest git his spectacles, and 
‘give them a twist back to a plain sight, and 
if you don’t see trouble among some of our 
folks I’m mistaken. ‘The Message now being 
done, and Congress jest getting together, I 
shall have more time to write to you. 

I wish you’d git a ‘black pony’ goin this 
season, like the folks did last year, who print a 
paper down-cellar under yourn, and if you 
‘don’t let him run so nigh Sunday as they did, 
Tl send all my letters by him. 

) Yours, &c., 
J. Downtne, Major. 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 
! M 2 


138 LETTERS OF 


LETTER XXI. 


Plan of the President’s Message to Congress—and of 
a Cabinet Supper—Song for the Important Occasion 
—Piease not to call the Major Jack Downing. 


To my old friend Mr. Dwight, of the N. Y. Daily Advertiser. 
Washington, 9th December, 1833. 
My last letter tell’?d you about that diskov- 
ery I made in the natur of the Gineral’s specs 
—and that the Message I had been to work 
on for some time was jest finished—but the 
very next day we had to take it all to bits, 


and spring to and writeeny most the hull ofa - 


new one, for we found we had gone too much, 
into: particulars, especially about the ’counts; 
and letters from Mr. Van Buren advised us to 
say as little about such matters as possible, 
for Congress would only make us tell pretty 
much the hull on’t over agin—and the best 
way was to say little at first, and trust to luck 
and chance afterward. As soon as the Gine- 
ral came to know of this, says he, ‘ Major, 
you must look out and keep in that Latin 
about the Bank anyhow.’ So we kept that 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 139 


in, but it was plaguy troublesome to make it 
work well with the rest on’t, for when you 
come to make English on’t, it reads that the 
Gineral would have taken the Bank by the 
throat right off, if he thought he could make 
that Latin pill operate afore the charters ex: 
-pire—and then agin he says the Bank does 
wrong in bringing its business to a close so 
fapidly as it is now doing. There is one thing 
however that’s true enuff, for seein that Judge 
‘Marshall is a stubborn know-nothin kind of 
crittur,-and would have a finger in givin the 
Bank that pill the Gineral speaks of in Latin, 
I don’t believe it would have operated afore 
the charter expired, if it had 40 years more to 
‘Trun—so there is more wit and cunnin in what 
the Gineral says than folks think for. 
There was another thing puzzled us tua 
trifle about the Bank. Last year, when we 
thought it had no rale chink in it, the Gineral 
thought best to take the deposits away from 
it; but since I tell’d the Gineral in my Bank 
Report there was more than 100 cords of the 
rale grit, we had to my in the Message they 
had too much. 
The Post Office accounts was the next 
bother; and that puzzled all on us peskily. 


“a 


140 LETTERS OF 


But we got round that by a very lucky diskov- | 
ery; and you see by the Message there has ; 
ben an error in keepin the ’counts in the post | 
office ever since Gineral Washington’s time; 
and every Postmaster Gineral, up to Major — 
Barry’s time, never found it out; and it was 
so curious that he took nigh upon 5 years to git — 
atit. Butit’s all clear now, for he is anamazin 
_sharp feller at siferin. We struck out all about 
the Grand Tower, for Clay has been over the | 
same ground, and Mr. Van Buren thought it 
was best to say nothin about it. And it warn’t 
thought best too to say nothin about the Nul- 
lifiers, for some of Mr. Van Buren’s friends in 
Georgia, headed by Crawford, are gittin up 
Nullification there, worse than Calhoun’s last 
winter, and it makes all the difference in the 
world when you come to see that one’s own 
friends are doin what our enemies did afore. 
As soon as we sent the Message to Con- 
gress, we set about gittin up a supper for all 
our folks who had ben to work on’t, and we | 
had a grand time; all our Majors was there. | 
The Gineral was so beat out, he didn’t stay | 
long ; but some on’em kept it up till nigh — 
daylight. | 
We had some rale good songs too; andone — 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 141 


of our Majors is a plaguy sharp singer. I got 
acopy of one on ’em; but | hain’t got time 
now to send you the hull on’t: so I’ll jest give 
you 3 varses only. 


Ne ee eee 


Come, comrades, one and all, 
Here assembled in the hall, 
_ Lest us sing of times past, present, and to come ; 
We have every thing at stake, 
And our fortunes yet to make, 
, And the public good is now-a-days “a hum. 


Times past have all gone by, 
And old laws are “ all my eye,” 
The present and the future we are sure in, 
When the Gineral’s time is up, 
We'll fill again the cup, 
And drink to Amos Kindle and Van Buren. 


Qe ee ee ee es ee Se ee 


We have no one now to thank 
For a discount at the Bank, 
Since we’ve got the public money frat Nick Biddle, 
And as we alone have ernt it, 
We'll use it-as we want it, 
Security is now-all fiddle diddle. 


[wish you would tell folks to stop callin 
ime Jack Downing—twas well enuff when I 
/warn’t quite as much up in the world as I now 
be; and it was jest so with Mr. Van Buren— 
i folks would keep callin him ‘ Mat: but it 
 warn’t right, and it ain’t good manners nuther. 

And there is another thing I don’t like; but I. 


| 
| 
! 


142 . LETTERS oF 


don’t care so muchrabout it (for I ain’t asham’d | 


of any letter I ever did write), and that is 
printin in a book all the Letters I firs¢ rit, and 


mixin up other Letters and Sam Patch, and 


callin some of my Letters to you counterfits. 


As soon as I git the Gineral threw this Con- © 


gress, I'll turn to and git my Letters all to- 
gether that I writ to you, beginnin with the 
Grand Tower. Major Earl is drawin my 
likeness, and the Gineral’s, and Mr. Van Bu- 
ren’s, and the most of our folks forme. He 
is a master hand at it; and Zekel Bigelow 
tells me if T’ll give him the copyright, he'll 
new shingle our old barn for nothin. How 
comes on your book about the Hartford Con- 
vention? The Gineral wants you to send 
him a copy on’t as soon as it is done—he 
wants to see how nigh Yankee Nullification 
comes to Nullification now-a-days. 
Yours, &c. 
J. Downrtne, Major, ° 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade, 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 148 


LETTER XXII. 


| Character of Mr. Clay—Art of War—A pitched and 
drawn Batile on the U. S. Bank— Amnesty and Over- 

| turés—Truce—Statu quo ante bellum—A Walk 

_ —A Bution off—Tailor’s Shop—The Button Scene 
—The Majors Success at a new Trade—The Bank 
‘worth a Button. : 


To my old friend Mr. Dwight, of the N. Y. Daily Advertiser. 

Washington, Dec. 14th, 1833. 
We have got business enuf:now on our 
hands, I tell you; and nigh upon every day 
: we have a squall that brings all hands to the 
helm. We have had fair wind so long, that 
few on us know exactly how to steer now-a- 
days, when every wind comes right in our 
teeth. I hain’t had my coat off since Con- 
‘gress met; and the Gineral says we must 
watch them fellows closely. ‘Keep a sharp 
look out, Major, says he, ‘on Clay—he isa 
bold, independent fellow, and will speak out 
his notions if the devil stands at the door; 
and if he had the people with him,’ says the 
Gineral, ‘as [have, there is no tellin what trou- 
ble he would giveus. He would make as good 


re 


144 | LETTERS OF 


a Gineral as ever was. But it will never do ¢o 
trust that man with power’ ‘Very well, 
says I, ‘Gineral—but, plague on’t,’ says I, ‘the 
crittur somehow keeps law on his side all the 
while. ‘'That’s true enuf, says the Gineral, 
‘and therefore we must keep a sharper eye 
on him, and the time is come now, Major, 
when we must all on us try our popularity— 
for when the law is agin us, we shan’t have 
nothin else to stand on.—There is nothin,’ 


says the Gineral, ‘like war-times, Major—for 


then, when these troublesome fellows talk 
about law I’d give ’em martial law, and es 
makes short work.’ 

Jest after breakfast yesterday, I and the 


Gineral had a high time together. I had ben | 


expecting every day to see the Bank come out 
with a reply ; and I tell’d the Gineral, says I, 
‘Gineral, ’m afraid we'll git a stumper from 


_ Philadelphy one of these days, that will nock | 
us all into kindlin-wood.’ But he kept sayin | 
there was no fear of that. ‘ Why,’ says he, ; 
‘Major,’ you forgit that we first give the | 


Bank a most mortal weltin 3 years ago and 


left ’°em no other defence than to print re- | 
ports and speeches; and that show’d they | 
hadn’t much spunk ; and we have been criplin 


i 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 145 


« 

on ’em ever since. And when I see they began 
to stagger, I give ’em our hull battery, and 
opened upon ’em in flank, front, and rear, our 
‘sharp shooters, headed by that amazin cute 
little District Attorney, open’d first on ’em. 
‘Then come my Proclamation—and then my 
Message—and then Mr. Tany’s report—and 
‘the Globe all the while throwin shells and 
rockets. ‘ Why,’ says the Gineral, gittin up 
and takin his Hickory, and givin ita whack on 
‘the floor— if the Bank stands all that racket, 
‘Major, it’s tuffer than a pepperage log. No, 
no, Major, says the Gineral, ‘don’t you fear 
that the Bank will ever say a word in reply— 
it’s as dead now,’ says the Gineral, ‘as askin’d 
acoon. And the words warn’t out. of his 
‘mouth afore in came a hull bundle of letters 
and newspapers, and the first thing I see 
among ’em was the ‘Bank reply.’ ‘Now, 
says J, ‘Gineral, here’s trouble !—here’s the 
very thing,’ says I, ‘I’ve been afraid on all the © 
while.’ The Gineral laft a spell; and says 
ihe, ‘ Major, suppose you and I now jest take a 
bout, and you'll see how easy I can nock that 
reply into nothin.’ ‘ Well, says I,‘ Gineral, 
its a bargain.—Now,’ says I, ‘let us sit down, 
‘and you may take,’ says J, ‘the Globe, or our 
N 


146 LETTERS OF 


District Attorney’s report, or your Proclama- 
tion, or your Message, or Mr. 'l'any’s report—ary 
one on ’em,—or,’ says I, ‘come to think on’t, you 
may take’em all together,—for they are pretty 
much ali one—and I'll take this ‘Bank reply, 
and then let’s see what kind of a fight it will 
turn out.’ ‘ Well, says the Gineral, ‘ you are | 
a man of spunk, Major, and I like you for it: , 
and if I make a prisoner on you, I’ll treat you | 
like a brave soldier.’ » ‘And so will I you, ; 
Gineral, says J, ‘and if you fall in the fight, , 
says I, ‘Gineral, I’ll bury you,’ says I, ‘ with, 
the honors of war ;’ and then we shook hands, | 
‘Now, Major,’ says the Gineral, ‘as I am to! 
begin the fight, don’t you fire till I fire, and- 
then we'll go threw, shot by shot.’ ‘Well, 
says I, ‘I want to know first, if I have a, 
right to fire back your shot, if they miss me, , 
and Ican pick’em up?” ‘O yes,’ says the! 
Gineral, ‘that’s fair in war’ ‘Use the ene-| 
mies shot and shells, and guns too, if you can, 
Major,—that’s the true art of war’ The. 
Gineral all the while kept fixing his papers all: 
in a string on one side the table. He put his 
own Messages and Proclamation in the mid-. 
dle, and flank’d off with our District Attorney 
and Mr. Tany’s reports; and then he sifted, 
{ 


a 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 147 


) the Globe about, and call’d them scouts and 
_ foragers— There,’ says he, ‘ Major, Iam now 
nearly ready; and he took off his specs, 
and gin ’em a good rubbin and put ’em on 
)agin. ‘ Now, Major,’ says he, ‘take your sta- 
tion” And I went round tother side, and sat 
down. ‘Are you ready ? says the Gineral.— 
: ‘All ready,’ says I—and at it we went. The 
- Gineral, he open’d his fire first, as agreed ; and 
he fir’d away from his first Message—And 
then his second—then he took the Globe, and 
' then the reports,—and he blaz’d away like all 
wrath, for an hour; and as soon as he stop’d to 
take fered Now,’ says I, ‘its my time,'-—and 
' Tread the reply a spell,and answered all he said 
‘in three minits. And I gin hima look! The 
'Gineral twisted his face most shockin, and 
scratched his head too. But he went at it 
agin as spunky as ever; for he isan amazin tuff 
 crittur in a fight, and hangs on like a snappin 
turtle when he gits hold. He banged away 
ja spell agin like all natur ; and jest as he took 
his specs off to give ’em a rub, I gin him the 
‘reply agin. ‘The Gineral gin his face another 
plagy hard ruimple ; and I sot waitin for him 
to fire agin. Says he, ‘ Major, that’s a sharp 
' piece you are firin with there.’ ‘It’s a peeler,’ 


148 LETTERS OF 


says I, ‘Gineral, I tell you—but you hain’t 
got the best on’t yet—it’s jest gettin warm, 
says I. . 

‘Major, says the Gineral, ‘suppose ‘we 
change batteries—let me take that reply, and 
you take all these documents. I like to fight? 
says the Gineral, ‘when there is ten to one 
agin me.’ ‘So do I, says I, ‘Gineral, and so 
we'd better fight it out as we sit.’ ; 

The Gineral looked a spell at his paper 
agin ; and, says he, ‘ Major, I reckon we had 
better have a truce.’ ‘ Not now,’ says I, ‘I’ve 
got my hand in now, and want to see the 
fight out.’ ‘ Well, says the Gineral, ‘ you see, 
Major, what comes when any one attempts to 
drive the executive; and with that he got 
up, and took off his specs, and put ’em in his 
pocket, and put on his hat and took his Hic- 
kory, and fetched a whack on the table— 
‘VETO,’ says he— 'That’s enuff,’ says I, ‘ Gin- 
eral’ | 

‘ Andnow,’says the Gineral, ‘let’s go and take” 
a walk’—and so we went. The Gineral didn’t 
say nothin for more than a mile, and I nother, 
So, to rights, says he, ‘ Major, everybody | 
Says money is very scarce.’ ‘ That’s true enuf? 
says I, ‘and it’s not got as scarce as it will be 


BING ten 
“hs Wah ake 


ay 


Major Downing sewing on the General’s Button.—p. 149. 


« 


% 


gy eee. 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 149 


afore winter is over ;’ and then I tell’d the 
Gineral the cause on’t. ‘ Well,’ says the Gin- 
eral, ‘I believe you are right; and if the 
worst comes to the worst,’ says he, ‘we'll 
have a new Bank, and that will make money 
plenty agin, wont it? ‘Yes, says I, ‘1 sup- 
pose so; but we can’t git anew Bank, Gin- 
eral, afore this one’s time is out, and that’s nigh 
three years yet; and long dfore that time, 
says I, ‘there will be trouble enuf, as this one 
must all the while be collectin in its own 
money; and folks will fail, and be bankrupt ; 
and then twenty new Banks will do them no 
good.’ ‘I don’t see that,’ says the Gineral. ‘If 
we could make.anew Bank now,’ says I, ‘right 
off, and let it take up the business of the old 


one, it wouldn’t make much odds. But the 


law won’t allow that, you know, Gineral.’ 
And jest then the Gineral gotin a way he has 
of twitchin with his suspender buttons behind; 
and to rights he broke one off. ‘There,’ 
says he, ‘ Major, here is this confounded but- 
ton off agin.’ ‘Well,’ says I, ‘ that’s a small 
matter—here is a tailor’s shop,—let’s go in 
and make him put it on—and so in we went. 
The tailor happened to be one of our party, 


and was tickled to death to see the President, 
N 2 


150 LETTERS OF 


and thought he was goin to git an office right 
off, and was plagily cut down when he come 


to find it was ony a button off; and so he © 


jumped back on his board, and sat down on 
his heels agin, and said if the Gineral would 
take off his pantaloons, he’d put it on ina 
few minutes.—I looked at the Gineral and he 
looked at me—and we both looked at the 
tailor. ‘Why,’ says the Gineral, ‘this is the 
worst thing, Major, I ever met—I’m stump’d 
completely! It will never do.to risk walking 
home with this button off; for if ’tother 


one comes off, it’s all over with me; andif Isit 


here without my pantaloons till that fellow 
puts on a button, I'll kitch my death of cold! 
Look here, Major,’ says the Gineral, ‘ that other 


button is taken all the strain, and it will come > 


off in less than five minutes—what is to be 
done? It seems to me, Major,’ said the Gin- 
eral, ‘that no man is placed so often in such 


real trouble as I am.’-—‘ Yes,’ says I, ‘ Gineral, _ 


but it’s fortunate for you, you always have me 
with you’ ‘I know it, Major, says he, ‘and I 
hope you will be as true a friend now as ever 
you have been.’—And with that, says I to the 
tailor, ‘ Can’t you fix things now, so as to git 
over all this trouble” ‘There is only one 


—— 


| 


i i a 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 151 


way, says the tailor, ‘and that I’ve stated, 
and another thing, says he, ‘the Gineral 
wants a new pair.” ‘You rascal,’ says the 
Gineral, ‘you can’t make a better pair, and 
one that fits me better, if you try a month— 
these pantaloons,’ said the Gineral, ‘are better 
than a new pair; and if they only had new 
buttons here they would last me to my dying 
day.—It takes me weeks and months to git a 
pair to sit easy. I won’t have a new pair,’ 
says the Gineral, ‘that I’m determinedon. I 
see, says the Gineral, ‘what you are after— 
you want a new job.’ 

‘Well,’ says I, ‘Gineral, let me try’—and 
with that I wax’d a thread, and got a new 
button ; and whilst the Gineral stood up, I sot 
down behind him, and stitched on the button 
in three minits—the Gineral all the while sha- 
kin his hickory at the tailor, and tellin him 
that he had no more brains in his head than 
he had in his thimble.—‘ You are a pritty fel- 
low to belong to my party,’ says he ; ‘I should 


have been soon in a pritty condition, if I had 


taken your advice,’ says the Gineral, ‘Let me 
ever ketch you at the White House agin.’ So 
to rights, the tailor got mad too, and said he 
didn’t belong to the Gineral’s party—he was 


152 LETTERS OF 


a 'Tany-Kindle-Van-Buren-Jackson-man ; he 
knew which side his bread was butter’d; and — 
he looked plagey knowin too—it was jest as 
much as I could do to keep the Gineral from 
smashin him—so says J, ‘ Come, Gineral, let’s 
be movin ;? and we went home—the Gineral 
all the while talkin about his escape from an 
awful state that tailor was about getting him 
in.— Well,’ says I, ‘Gineral, little things — 
sometimes give us a kink anda notion of big- — 
ger ones; and now,’ says I, ‘do you know, 
Gineral, we are in ascrape now, pretty much - 
like that one we jest got out on.’ ‘How so? 
says the Gineral. ‘Why,’ says I, ‘the Bank, 
there it is,” says I, ‘jest like your pantaloons, 
better than new ; and only wants a new button; 
and some of these ere political tailors about us — 
here want us to sit shiverin and shakin, and 
runnin the risk of gettin a rheumatiz that will 
last us our lives, jest for them to get the job 
of makin a new one.’ 

‘And now,’ says I, ‘I guess you and I had ~ 
better disappoint ’em, as we did the tailor jest 
now—stitch on a new button, and things will 
go smooth agin.’ The Gineral didn’t saya 
word; but he got thinkin plagey hard, till we 
got home agin, and he got his pipe, and I got 


MAJOR Je DOWNING. 153 


mine, and jest as we were lighten ’em, says 
he, ‘ Major, there are some fellows about us 
here that pester me most desperately—we 
must all go as a ‘ Unit, or I must blow ’em 
all up, and git a new set. Wei’ll think of it’ 
said the Gineral, and with that we cock’d our 
feet on the mantle-tree, and in less than five 
minutes you couldn’t see no more on us than 
our toes. 
Your Friend, 
J. Down1nea, Major, 
‘Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


tre 


154 “LETTERS OF 


LETTER XXIII. 


Reason for some People’s feeling easy—The Major pre- 
paring to “ do something” for the Country—A half- 
kitchen Cabinet Council-—-The Major whitiles, to 
save Time and listen—A still busier Man—Sylla and 
Charybdis—Business planned. 


To my old friend Mr. Dwight, of the N. Y. Daily Advertiser. 
Washington, 27th December, 1833. 

My last letter to you tell’d you of that trouble 
the Gineral got in about the buttons, and if it 
hadn’t bin for me he’d bin in a pretty scrape 
with that tailor. The Gineral hain’t forgot 
that yet, and won’t so long as he wears but- 
tons. 

You know I’ve bin tellin you along about 
my fears of mony troubles—well it’s bad enuff, 
and is goin to be worse yet, or I know nothin. 
And the Gineral is beginnin to think so too. All 
our folks aboutus here don’t feel it, for they have 
all got fat offices—but I know the people feel 
it who hain’t got fat offices—and until they 
speak up, things will go worse and worse. 
Every letter I git now is full of trouble and 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 155 


distress—and I tell’d the Gineral tother day, 
says I, ‘ Gineral, we must look into this mat- 
ter, now I tell you.’ ‘Why,’ says he, ‘ Major, 
‘the Goverment’ ain’t to blame—every man 
about me says it ain’t his fault.’ ‘ Well,’ says 
I, ‘some one did it, ’m certin—things went 
smooth enuff, says I, ‘till we got dablin and 
medlin in mony matters and the Bank; and 
now it’s all heds and pints, and when we say 
it ain’t our fault,’ says I, ‘it’s pretty much like 
aman puttin a long pole over a fence on a 
swivel—and after pullin one eend round with 
a jerk, if he nocks over a dozen folks with the 
other eend, says it ain’t his fault—now it’s 
pretty much jest so with the Bank, says I, 
‘and if you can’t see it, all I can say is, I can.’ 

‘Well, Major,’ says the Gineral, ‘somethin 
must be done, anyhow, for I begin to think 
that politics and mony matters don’t always 
work together. Ill call all our folks together,’ 
says the Gineral, ‘and we'll have a full Cabi- 
net, and look into this matter; and do you, 
Major, prepare yourself, for I’m goin to turn 
over a new leaf, that I’m determined on’—and 
with that he issued orders for every man to 
be at the Cabinet Chamber the next day jest 
after breakfast—and I went to work puttin 


156 LETTERS OF 


down all my notions in writin, for I expected 
a ruff time, and a pretty sharp set of fellers to 
beat off-—and thinks I, as it is the fashion 
now-a-days to read papers to the Cabinet, I'll 
give ’em one that will be worth readin, and I ~ 
guess it will be the last one that the Senate 
will ask an official copy of in one while. It 
took nigh upon all night to write it out—and — 
I sprung to it, for I think the time is come to 
let some folks see they hain’t got a green-horn 
to outwit when they try me. 

And so the Gineral had ’em all up in the 
Cabinet Chamber yesterday’; and such an 
overhawlin I never see. Isat all the while 
with one foot on the table, whitlin a piece of 
shingle—and the Gineral was walking round 
among ’em, tellin about the troubles in mony 
all about the country, and askin how we are 
to git out of the scrape. I kept an eye on 
most all on ’em, and both ears on pretty much 


the hull on ’em; and such a winzin and tan- — - 


gle I never see since the day all Downingville 
cum over to the Jackson side, and that was 
jest arter his election. They thought I was 
detarmin’d the first go off to say nothin: and 
to rights I heard one chap jest behind me tell 
the Gineral, ‘ there was one Major in the Cabi- 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 157 


net who made pretty much all the trouble, and 
that he was writin letters that went all the while 
agin the rest on ’em—and if it warn’t for him 
they could make the people believe jest what 
they wanted—that it was his fault that the Cab 
inet was obliged to shift their ground about the 
Bank, and cross tracks every day. If it hadn’t 
bin for him the deposits would have been re- 
moved because there warn’t no ‘Safety Fund’ 
in the Bank, and the people bin contented— 
and if it warn’t for him the Goverment could 
now make the people believe that Biddle was 
the sole cause of there bein no money now-a- 
days,’ andsoon. Ijest stop’d whitlin a minit, 
and cut my eye over my left shoulder, and the 
feller dodg’d behind the Gineral in a flash, and 
when I look’d round the ring I found pretty 
much the hull on ’em lookin at me, and there 
warn’t a word said. And to rights the Gine 
‘ral he walk’d up to me, and stop’d right in 
front, and look’d me strait in the face: says 
he, ‘ Major, you have hearn what is said— 
and I should like to know what you have to 
say in reply—no man shall leave this room,’ 
says the Gineral, ‘ till this trouble is cleared up 
—Major, says the Gineral (and his lips began 
to quiver, I tell you), ‘Major, says he, ‘it 
_ 0 


158 LETTERS OF 


would take a good many men to convince me 
that you ain’t what I have always found you 
—an honest: man, and a true patriot—some 
folks about us have been whisperin in my ear 
for a long while that you ain’t what I think 
you are—but, Major,’ says the Gineral, ‘1 am 
a soldier, and so are you—and we are now all 
face to face—no more whisperin,’ says the 
Gineral, and he fetched his Hickory a whack on 
the floor, and look’d round the hull ring.-— 
‘The country is in trouble,’ says he, ‘and the 
time is come for every honest man to speak 
out—if there is error, let it be corrected—if 
there is trick, we must expose it--and now, 
Major,’ says the Gineral, ‘do you set still—and 
if any man has any thing to say agin you, let 
him speak out. When they are all dun, you 
can answer them ;’ and with that the Gineral 
pull’d his own chair up to the other side of the 
table, and laid his Hickory and hat down afore 


him, and all our folks began to nock noses in » 


little groops here and there ; and one on ’em, 
no matter who, was as busy as a lost dog on a 
trainin-day, smellin round from one to another 
to find the right man to speak first ; but none 
on ’em seem’d to like it. ‘The Gineral all the 
while sat blinkin and lookin round at ’em all, 


| 


MAJOR J. DOWNING, 159 


and rumplin his face once and a while most 
plaguily. | 

So, to rights, this one. on ’em came forward 
and bow’d, and says he, ‘ Gineral, that ‘ our 
sufferins is intolerable’ there is little doubt ; 


and the question is, not how we got into our 


present condition, but how we can best gtt out 
of wt. I believe,’ says he (turnin with a bow 


to everybody, for he is an amazin polite crit- 
' ter), ‘that is the true and only pint now for 


_discussin.’ ‘Not exactly, says I; ‘but no 


matter.’ ‘Well,’ says he, ‘as regards the 
Major, far be it from me to make any charge 
agin him; he is decidedly the favourite of the 
people, and should be the favourite of every 
man in office who wishes to keep his office ; 


but I would say, that I wish the Major hada 


higher office. Iwish he was an auditor of 
accounts—or a receiver of public mony—or a 
minister abroad—or an Ingin agent, or any 
other office in the Goverment; but as he is 
now, there is no gittin hold of either eend of 
him ; we can’t elevate him, which I sincerely 
desire—we can’t put him down, which no man 
desires. ‘There are things in all Goverments, 
and in this in particular, that require cookin 
up before the people should be sarved with it; 


160 LETTERS OF 


- 


but the Major hands the dishes over to the 
people, raw and uncook’d, and lets every man 
dress his own dinner: this is not right. And 
then, agin, he is an enemy to party, and thinks 
that politicians shouldn’t meddle in mony: 
matters, when we all know that none of us 
would now be here without party, and that 
party can’t hold together without office, and 
that office ain’t worth a fig without mony; 
and so it comes to this—we’ve got a party; 
and a good strong one; and that party must 
keep all the offices and the control of all the 
mony; for, without mony, the offices won’t 
be good for nothin—and without offices the 
party will be all scattered: look at my own 
state—see how things work there; and jest 
so they should here. We must have the Bank; 
we can’t do any thing without it. This one is 
good enuff if we could git Biddle and his 
friends out of it—but seein we have tried that 
and can’t succeed, this must go down, and 
then we'll have a new one after our own 
fashion—unfortunately, some will suffer—be- 
cause this one must, I suppose, collect its debts 
and wind up: but what is the sufferins of a 
few in trade, compared to the breaking up of 
a political party, now all hitched together ? 


MAJOR J. DOWNING, 161 


Think of all of us goin back agin to practise 
law—and you, Mr. Auditor, to keepin a school 
—and you, Mr. Secretary, to keepin a shop— 
‘and you to ploughin—and you to plantin corn 
—and you to diggin potatoes—and you to 
‘printin newspapers. And you, Major,’ says 
he, ‘what would become of you? TI begun 
‘to crawl all over, and was jest goin to say 
‘somethin, but I thought I wouldn’t till he got 
through ; and he reeled it off for more than 
an hour pretty much in the same way about 
‘things in gineral, and Major Downing in par- 
‘ticular. And as soon as he stopt, I got up, 
and says I, ‘Has anybody got nothin more to 
say? No one saidaword. Says I, ‘Is all 
‘that is said put in writin ? for then there will 
| be no mistake—no turnin corners—no dodgin 
arterward.’ ‘QO, no,’ says he, ‘there is no ne- 
| cessity to put any thing in writin of this na- 
ture; that ain’t my way,’ says he. ‘I have 
‘always said, I don’t like to git into the news- 
papers” ‘Well,’ says I, ‘that’s jest where 
\ we differ—what I’m goin to say now,’ says I, 
tig all in my pocket in black and white—and 
_with the Gineral’s permission,’ says I, ‘VI 
/read it to the members of the Cabinet, and 


| then [’ll git it printed, and then all on you can 
02 


162 LETTERS OF 


read it, and every man shall have a copy on’t, 
except Clay and the rest of the Senate—for! 
though the law says they are part of the Gov-- 
erment, they ain’t got no business with any: 
paper read to the Cabinet—ain’t that law,’. 
says I,‘Gineral? 'The Gineral nodded his: 
head, and that was enuff; and says he, ‘ Ma- 
jor, do you read that paper; I know you well; 
enuff to know it will be an honest view of; 
things, and I don’t care whose toes you tread, 
on. I have no interest in these matters fur- 
ther than to do my duty—if any fellers have 
misled me, I advise ’em to keep an eye on my. 
hickory.’ 

And then I took out my papers from my. 
pocket, and went at it; and I didn’t mince 
matters, I tell you. The Gineral sot restin his 
elbows on the table, with his chin in both 
hands, and lookin strait in my face the hull 
time, ony once in a while he would take his 
hickory and whack it on the table when any. 
one muttered and whispered ; and as soon as’ 
I got to the eend on’t, then come a buz and a 
mixin, and the Gineral got up and fetched 
another whack on the table with his hickoiagy 
enuff to loosen one’s eye-teeth. 

‘Now,’ says the Gineral, ‘I’ve hearn both 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 163 


sides, and the people will shortly hear it too. 
If they say the Major is right, I won’t oppose 
them any longer; if they say the Major is 
pone: then we'll go on as we now go: and 
\now,’ says he, ‘ Major, git that paper printed ; 
and the only favour I ask of you is, not to 
send an official copy on’t to the Senate, if they 
vask one: and with that I and the Gineral 
‘bowed off the Cabinet, and the Majors, and 
‘the rest of the Goverment; and we turned to 
readin letters from all quarters, all full of 
‘mony troubles and distress, enuff to give one 
‘the colera morbus; for, as I said afore, one is 
jest about as bad as t’other. 

[ll send you, to-morrow or next day, the 
|paper I read to the Cabinet, and the rest of the 
Goverment, for you to print. It’s too long for 
this letter, and you can ask Zekel Bigelow, if 
he hain’t stop’d payment, to pay you for the ex- 
pense of printin on’t, and tell him for me if 
his head is above water, it’s more than can be 

said of most folks—and he’d better hold on all 
he’s got, and ride out the storm if he can. 
. His last letters to me say things are shockin 
bad in Wall-street, but the worst there ain’t as 
bad as things are away West and South ; and 
they will be worse yet, if the people don't de- 


164 LETTERS OF 


cide pretty soon, as the Gireral says, whether 


I am right or wrong. For it’s the people’s_ 


business now, and the Gineral is waitin for 
omeTn. 

Your Friend, 

J. Downine, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


/ 


MAIOR J. DOWNING. 165 


LETTER XXIV. 


The Major’s View of the State of the Country and 
Money Concerns—Everybody’s Concerns—History 
of the U. S. Bank—A Conestoga Wagon—Iis Dri- 
ver and Horses—Other Wagons—Their Men and 
Beasts—Steamboats and Banks not different— 
Skunks and Politicians—Patriotic Appeal, especially 
addressed to Men with Wives and Children. 


[Major Downing, in his letter of December 27th, after men- 
tioning the fact of his having read his views on the subject of the 
Bank, and the Deposites, to the Cabinet, engaged to send a copy 
of the document to this paper for publication. A delay of some 
| days occurred before we received it. This, we understand, was 
_ caused by a wish that the Cabinet might have an opportunity to 
re-examine the case, and a hope that they might unite in opinion 
on this thorny matter. Having waited some time for the ac- 
complishment of this important object, the Major became con- 
vinced that the present Cabinet was far from being a ‘ Unit,’ 
and considered it useless to wait any longer; and he therefore 
fulfilled his undertaking by sending us the document alluded to.] 


OFFICIAL PAPER. 

Read to the Cabinet, and Majors, Auditors, and Under-Secreta- 
ries, and Sub-postmasters, and the rest of the Goverment, 
on 26th day of December, A D. 1833—and printed for the 
use of all the citizens from Downingville to New-Orleans, 
along the seacoast, and up the Mississippi, and Missouri, ard 
so down the Lakes, and across by the Erie Canal to Albany, 
and along by the middle rout over New-Jersey, Pensylvany, 
and Maryland, to Washiugton—and away agin to all parts 
of creation, and to everybody. 


GINERAL, and Gentlemen of the Cabinet, 
and the rest on you here present, composin 


166 LETTERS OF 


the Goverment—I speak to you as a man 
standin right between you and the people— 
what I am goin to say ain’t calculated to make 
any on you change your opinion, so much as’ 
to make you know mine—you have pretty 
much all on you had your turn, and now 
comes my turn—if any thing I say has sharp 
corners and scrapes the skin a little, it is be- 
cause I hain’t had time to file the edges: 
smooth. Il give you my notions pretty 
much as you get bread from the bakers, and’ 
leave you to slice it or chunk it as best suits 
you; and every man can butter his own slice. 
jest to please his fancy—that ain’t my busi- 
ness so much as it is hisn. | 
_ We are met here, not only to fix on some 
plan to get the country out of trouble, but to 
see how it got into trouble—and I am goin to 
say a little on both pints. When a chimbly 
smokes at the rong eend, with the wind at 
north-east, some folks may content themselves 
with openin windows and doors to let the 
smoke out; but my notion is that the safest 
plan is to see into the cause on’t, and correct 
it, so that the chimbly will only smoke at’ the 
right eend, let the wind blow any way. 

“Now there is a few things we must look 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 167 


into a leetle, and then we will know more 
about ’em, and I am goin to examin— 

What kind of a crittur the apis of. the 
United States raly is ; 

Whether its natur is to do good or evil to 
the country ; and then wind up with 

Matters and things in general. 

Twenty years ago the country was in 
trouble, and fill’d up with all kinds of Bank 


_ paper—nigh upon as bad as old Continental— 


and a good deal was a leetle worse. If any 
body ain’t old enuff to remember that time, 
and wants to see what kind of mony I mean, 


let him go to the Treasury, and Mr. Taney 


ean show him nigh a million anda half of 
dollars, not worth the cost of the paper and 
ink used every year in makin a report on’t: 


but this is only a drop compar’d to what 


would be now there of the same kind of stuff 


if it hadn’t ben for the Bank of the United 
. States. All our wise folks of that day said 
we must have a Bank’ of the United States, 


— — 


_ anda good big one—one strong enuff to do 


the work well, and to clear out all this trash, 
and so this Bank was made, and the first 
thing was, as there was a very little rale 


_Mony in the country, the Bank went and 


ta * rt ; 


168 LETTERS OF 


bo’t a good jag on’t in Europe, and went to 
work here clearin away jest as we do our 
fields in the spring. 

It was a pretty dirty job to do so, I tell you, 
and the Bank didn’t get through with it with- 
out scratchin, and smuttin its fingers pretty 
considerable ; and that warn’t the worst on’t 
for the Bank. The Goverment made the 
Bank agree to pay fifteen hundred thousand | 
dollars for the privilege of doing this work, ' 
and made it agree to take care of the people’s - 
mony in all parts of the country, and to pay 
it here and: there wherever the Goverment | 
told ’em to, and to: pay all the pensions, and 
to do evry thing in the money way, without | 
chargin any thing for it to the Goverment. | 
This was a pretty tuff bargin for the Bank— ' 
for all it got in return was, to have the keepin | 
of the mony, and when the Goverment. 
didn’t want it, the Bank might lend it out. 
It took a good many years afore the Bank got 
things to work smooth. It was like a whop- | 
pin big wagon that wanted a good many! 
horses to drag it, and as it had a valable 
freight in it, it wanted none but the best kind 
of horses—rale Conestogas—and it warn’t 
every one who knew how to drive such a’ 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 169 


team. The owners of this wagon found 
that out—for some of the first that they got 
came plaguy nigh oversetting it. So to rights 
they got Squire Biddle. I suppose they 
thought that seein that the folks in Pensyl- 
vany have the best and strongest horses, and 
the biggest wagons, they ought to know best 
how to guide ’em. Well, they made a pretty 
good guess that time—for ever since they told 
the Squire to take the lines, they hain’t lost a 
linch-pin or broke a strap—and there warn’t 
ho complaints made agin him by the folks on 
the road: on the contrary, all the other wag- 
oners liked the Squire amazinly; he was 
always ready to give ’em a lift when he found 
them in the mud, and whenever they got 
short of provender, the Squire never refused 
to turn out some of his to keep their horses 
from sufferin. Every thing was goin on 
better and better, and everybody said at home 
and abroad there warn’t such ateam in all 
creation. Well, about four years ago we 
‘begun to pick a quarrel with the Squire, and 
it’s been goin on every year pretty much after 
this fashion. The first go off; some of our 
folks wanted the Squire to change some of his 
‘teadin horses—they said the breed warn’t 
P 


170 LETTERS OF 


right—he ought to put on the lead some 
Albany trotters—that. they were the best 
horses on the lead he could have. The 
Squire didn’t like to change-——-he said the > 
horses he had knew the road as well as he — 
did, and they wouldn’t bolt nor kick up, and 
when they came to up-hill work he could de-— 
pend on ’em. 

Then agin our folks wanted the Squire to 
change harness—they said they had new | 
patent collars—and a horse could pull as 
much agin with ’em as with the old-fashion’d 
collars. Well, the Squire‘didn’t like that no-— 
tion nother. So to rights they told the Squire | 
he must give up the lines—well, that he 
wouldn’t do, he said, without orders from the > 
owners of the team——they had appointed him, | 
and so long as they kept him there, he would 
go’along and do his duty, jest as he had done— 
and it warn’t right to keep stoppin him every > 
day on the rand; and tryin to make him try 
new plans. a 

And with that, all‘our folks made a Tae | 
battle on the Squire—some took away out of 
his wagon a part of the bags and boxes, and 
divided it round among the drivers of other 
wagons, who was mixin in the scuffle too, 


re 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 171 


and away they crack’d off with’ it. Some 
undertook to eut the Squire’s traces ; they 
thought they was only leather and rope traces; 
but the Squire was too deep for ’em, for his 
traces was all chains kivered with leather, 
and so they spil’t their jack-nives. Some 
went on ahead and rolled stones in the road, 
and dug deep holes, and tried all they could 
to make the Squire upset, and threw stones 
and mud at him and his horses; but the 
Squire kept on, his horses didn’t flinch, and 
as they had dragged the big wagon over 
worse roads in their day, they went along 
without accident. Well, now it turns out 
that all the wagons that drove off so, with a 
part of the Squire’s load, are in trouble, for 
the first piece of muddy road they all stuck 
fast, and there they are now—one wants the 
other to give him a pull and a lift; but they 
say they all want liftin—the Squire has jest 
come up with ’em—-and now they want 
him to hitch on to ’em and drag ’em all out 
together; but he says that’s impossible, the 
most he can do is to take back the load they 
took from his wagon, and then perhaps they 
can git out of the mud; but it is more than 
his team can do, and he won’t run the risk 


172 , LETTERS | OF 


of breakin his harness or injurin his horses to 
drag ’em all out together. Well, now that’s 
jest about the condition of things, and the 
longer they remain so the worse it will be— 
the longer horses and wagons stand knee 


and hub deep in mud, the tees able they'll be | 


to git out on’t. 

And now I'l leave ’em there a spell, and 
we'll take a look into the natur of the Bank, 
and what it raly is; for to hear some folks 


talk about it, one would think it was a most 


shockin monster, and that it was pretty much 
nothin else but Squire Biddle, when it is na 
more the Squire than that big wagon is, not 
agrainmore. Look at this long list of names ; 
well, these are the owners of the Bank; here 
we see, in the first place, the nation owns one- 
fifth, and the rest is scattered round, as you 
see here, among an everlastin batch of folks 
all about this country, and some in forin 


countries; and Iam glad to see on the list | 


here, old widows, and old men, and trustees 


of children, who hain’t got no parents livin, | 


and all our own people, they put their money 
in the stock of this Bank for safe-keepin—not 
to speculate—and jest so with the innocent 


foreigners, and the best on’t is, they have paid _ 


| 


! 


| 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 173 


jour folks a pretty high premium. for every 

, dollar on’t. Well, these are the folks, then, 
that compose the Bank. Now what way do 
they want this Bank managed? ‘The busi- 
ness of the Bank is to loan mony, and is jest, 
for all the world, like any rich man whose 
business is to loan out his mony—is it his 
interest to dabble in politics, or to let politicians 
dabble with him? Not an attom on’t. I 
never knew one of your rale politicians who 
ever could pay his debts; and they ain’t the 
kind of folks people like to deal with, any way, 
who have got money to loan—they know 
that talkin politics, and gittin things into 
snarls jest to answer party purposes, ain’t the 
way to pay interest nor principal nother, and 
politicians in a Bank are the worst folks in 
the world for the owners of the Bank, for the 
most on ’em hain’t got money of their own to 
lend, but they are plaguy ready to toan other 
folks’ mony to brother politicians of the same 
party. 

No, no, a man who has got his mony loan’d 
out (and it’s jest so with a Bank) wants to see 
everybody busy and industrious, and mind 
their business, and increase their prop- 
perty, for then they will be able to pay interest 

P2 


va 


174 ~ LETTERS OF- 


and principal too; they don’t like to see 
things all mixed up with politics, and people 


quarrellin and disputin,and when they do, they | 
git their mony back in their pockets agin as | 


soon as they can, for they know that ee 
ain’t profitable peeves 


Then it comes to this, that if the Bank ig 


what I have said it is (and its nothin else), it 
ain’t such a monster as’some folks try to make 


us think it is; and instead of bein a dan- _ 
gerous monster, I see, and I know everybody | 


else must see, who don’t squint at it, but looks 
it strait in the face—that its natur is jest like 
the natur of any man who has got property 
in the country, and that is. to have every 
thing go on in harmony, and with industry, and 
with honesty, and accordin to law—no jan- 
gles and tangles and talkin politics in porter- 


houses and bar-rooms, hurrain for this man, — 


and pullin down that man—that kind of 
work don’t clear'up new lands nor plough up 


old ones, it don’t keep the hammer goin, and © 


the wheels turnin; and don’t pay interest nor 
principal nother. 

But some on you say the Bank has too 
much power, and that Squire Biddle might do 
a good deal of mischief if he would. Well 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 175 


there is my.old friend Capt. Elihu S. Bunker, 
of the steamboat President, runnin twixt New- 
York and Providence—he’s got about sich an- 
other monster—there is no. tellin what a ‘dan- 
gerous monopoly’ of power that crittur’s got in 
that are boat. I was lookin into.it when I came 
on with hima spell ago, and he was showin me 
how he managed it. If he was to fasten down 
the kivers of them two mortal big copper kit- 
tles he has got in his boat, and blow his bel- 
lesses a spell, he would smash every thing for 
more than 50 acres round—Does any body 
want to know why he don’t do it?—he has ten 
in a steamboat as long now as the Bank’s 
ben goin, and hain’t scalded nobody—but he 
can do it in a minit if he chuses—Well, [’ll 
tell you why he don’t—it ain’t his interest, 
and he don’t own no more of the boat. than 
Squire Biddle does of the Bank—the owners of 
the boat employ him to manage it, because they 
know he understands his business.— He knows 
if hedidn’t watch over their interest, they’d turn 
him out—and jest so the owners of the Bank 
would sarve Squire Biddle. And that ain’t 
all, Capt. Bunker knows, if he hurts anybody 
with his boat, he’d run a chance of hurtin 
himself too—he knows, too, that it is the in- 


eZ 


176 LETTERS OF — 


terest of his owners not to have any accidents | 


aboard any boat—for if people get scalded in 


one steamboat, they keep clear of all on ’em | 
—and tho’ some folks think Banks ain’t like — 
steamboats, I can tell ’em that in the main 
thing they are exactly alike—for unless folks | 
have got confidence in ’em, and feel safe in | 


’em, they ain’t worth ownin—but when they | 


all go on and meet no accidents, they are pritty 
good property—and the largest, and strongest, 
and cleanest, and quietest, and best-managed, 


git the most business—~-Now I think that’s | 
enuf about dangerous monopolies for a spell, | 
Let us now see wuat the Bank is about, | 


and what we’ve been about. 
Deacon Goodenou has been in that Bank, 


as one of its directors, off and on, ever since | 


it was a Bank, and I have heard him say fifty 
times (and he’s a man to be depended on) he 
never hearda word about politics in it, till about 
four years ago—and it all came from our 
sending every year since that time some rale 
politicians to help the other twenty directors 


to manage the Bank—the first go off, the 


Deacon says, they thought best to keep quiet, 
and make no stir about it; for it was pretty 
much like findin skunks in the cellar—the 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 177 


best way was to let ’em alone, if they’d keep 
there, and run the chance of their goin out, 
when they found there warn’t no eges to suck 
—but when they undertook to cum up-cham- 
ber, and smell about in all the cubbords, it was 
time to snub ’em—and then came trouble: 
and that’s jest about the way now; and the 
Deacon says, and he’s about right, that poli- 
ticians in a Bank are jest as bad as skunks in 
the cellar—there ain’t one grain of difference. 
- Some on you say we don’t want a Bank 
now: well, that may be so—but when I got up 
this mornin, it was plagy chilly till I got my 
coat on—now I am warm, and it may be I 
don’t need a coat—but I think if I take my 


coat off, I'll feel chilly agin—and I am so cer- 


tin of this, I won’t make a trial on’t. 

Some on you say, the owners of this Bank 
hain’t got no right to a recharter—they have 
had it long enuf—and its time now to have 
a new shuffle and cut: well, that ain’t my no- 
tion, and I'll tell you why—tho’ this Bank 


' was chartered for twenty years, it had a good 
_ right to believe we would renew its charter, 


if it behaved well and did its duty—jest as a 
Congressman has a right to expect his con- 
stituents will send him to Congress agin if 


- 


178 LETTERS OF 


he behaves well--and its a good way to 
keep folks strait, and make ’em do their duty 
—but if we are to nock this Bank down, and 
have a new shuffle and a new cut, then I say 
that them folks who make money out of arise 
of stock in the new Bank ought to pay the loss 
that all these old folks and young children will 
suffer by nocking down the old Bank—-to say 
nothin about the innocent foreigners who put 


their money in this Bank, thinkin it was safe. © 
And let me tell you another thing—the longer 
a Bank stands, and the older it gits, the better | 
folks abroad and at home like it—-people who | 
have got money to lend don’t like changes— | 


and particularly government changes. _Would 


| 
| 


any on you like to lend folks money in South — 
America? and do you think any of them — 
Goverments could make a Bank that folks | 
would have any confidence in? I don’t think. 
they could—jest because they keep choppin | 


and changin every year. 


Will any on you say that it ain’t a good thing» 


for a country to make folks all about think it 


is a safe one to lend money to? ain’t cone | 


credit worth nothin ? 
Well, how does any man in trade git ovedhil 
and make folks think him safe to trust 2) Will. | 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 179 


he break up his stand every year, and change 
his business, and try new plans? I say that 
ain’t the way ; and no man ever prospered 
after that fashion; but when he finds. things 
go well with him, he hangs on; or else he 
hain’t got no wit in him, 

Now, my notion is that none on us alone 
can make folks all about creation think we are 
safe folks to trust. But all on us together can 
do so; and that is the reason a good big Bank 
can manage this for us. Folks abroad know 
the Bank, and the Bank know us; and so 
we can manage things through the Bank bet- 
ter than we can alone. 

Some on you say it ain’t right to pay inter- 
est to foreigners—_that when we git money 
from foreigners, they keep drainin us of inter- 
est. Well, that is all chalk and water. Now 
I know we have got an everlastin new country 
to. clear up yet, and if an honest industrious 
man can git a few hundred dollars lent 
to him, he can go and buy a good many 
acres, and clear it up, and sell it to these very 
foreigners, who are all the while coming out 
here to settle among us, and they pay fifty 
times more for it than the land first cost: and 
so our folks go on borrowin, and can well 


180 — - LETTERS OF. 


afford to pay interest, and find themselves 
in a few years with money to lend too. And 
as long as this business goes on, I, for one, am 
willing to say to foreigners, as the Cape Cod 
fisherman says to the fish, when he gits on the 
hook, and is pullin him in—‘ So long as you 
hold on one eend, I will ’tother.” But folks 
abroad who have money to lend don’t know 
our folks who go on new land; and a good 
many on old land nother. But they know our 
Bank, and our Canals, and Railroads, and we 
sell ’em the stock, and make ’em pay good 
premiums too: and our folks can lend their 


| 
| 
| 


money to our farmers. But if we go on, and | 


nock down this Bank when its charter is out, 
and bring trouble on the country, foreigners 
will say, ‘Aha! there’s trouble there !—back 


they come with their stock, and git their mo _ 


ney, and keep it; and all our prosperity is 
nock’d in the head! We charter’d this Bank 
for twenty years, and so we do Canal Compa- 
nies, and Railroad Companies; but did we 
- mean when the time was up, to nock ’em all 


up too, and say we don’t want no Bank, nora | 
Canal, nor a Railroad? It ain’t common — 


honesty to say so; and I won’t shuffle and 
cut with you after that fashion; for make 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 181 — 


what I might bya new shuffle, I would be 
asham’d to look one of these innocent for- 
eigners in the face—to say nothin of this long 
list of widows, and orphans, and trustees 
of estates, and old folks : many on ’em, when 
they bought the stock at a high premium, I 
suppose never thought about the charter, or 
how long it had to run, but trusted to the 
Goverment. And now if you can chizzle 
them out of their property, as you will by 
puttin down this Bank, jest to git a new shuffle 
and cut at a new one—without turnin as red 
as a beet when you meet ’em, I for one say I 
can’t, and I won’t. 

And now I’m most done—if I have trod on 
any one’s toes, it ain’t so much my fault as 
hisen ; for I tread the strait line, and tread 
ony on toes that stick out beyend the line, and 
that’s too often the case with folks now-a-days 
in office. | 

I’ve tell’?d you now pretty much my no- 


tions; and I tell you for the last time you 


- 


have made a mistake, and that’s no disgrace 
to any man unless he tries to stick to it after 


_he knows he has made it. If you don’t know 


how to git the country out of the scrape 
you've got it in, the people will tell you pretty 
Q. 


182 “LETTERS OF 


quick, or I ain’t no hand at guessin. I have 


now done my duty—lIf the people don’t do | 
theirn it ain’t my fault. If they say my no- | 
tions are right, they’ll act on ’em; if they say — 
they are wrong, then things will go on as | 
they now- go, and I hope they won’t git worse _ 
—but that I won’t promise. If things come | 
to the worst, I shall suffer as little as any on | 


’em, for I hain’t got no wife and children to 
support (and I am sorry for those who have, 


if things are to go as they now go), I can cut | 


my fodder pretty. much anywhere. 

But I love my country, ev ry acre on’t, and 
it goes agin my grain to see any part on’t 
suffer. And I know all this sufferin comes 


from party politics—this same party politics — 


that has driv all our wisest and best men out | 


of office ; and now to keep together, wants to 


git hold af the big wagon and all the rales | 


in it. 


My dander is up, and I had best stop now— __ 
for the more I think on’t, and the more I write _ 


about it, the more wrathy I git. So no more 
at present, 
From your fellow-citizen, 
J. Downtne, Major, 


_Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. — 


| 
| 
| 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 183 


* [We have received a letter, which we publish with much sat- 


isfaction, from the north part of this State; and accompanying 
it, a fine specimen of domestic manufacture in the form of an 
axe, as a present to our highly esteemed and invaluable friend 
Major Downing. We take this mode of informing our distant 
correspondents of the safe arrival of their tribute to the Major’s 
public worth, and conveying to them the assurance that it will 
be faithfully delivered to the person for whom it is designed. 
There is no such thing as calculating the extent of good which 
one patriotic and intelligent individual can accomplish, when he 
honestly devotes his time and talents to the advancement of the 
public welfare. The important truths and the sound political 
principles which Major Downing has given to his country 
through the medium of this paper have been more extensively 
circulated, and more generally read, than any other productions 
of modern times, not even excepting the Waverley novels. We 
presume the gentlemen who have acknowledged the great grat- 
ification they have: received from the Major’s letters adopted 
this particular mode of expressing their feelings, in consequence 
of the circumstance to which they allude, viz—the presenta- 
tion. through this office of a dozen of the same kind of article 
last year to the President of the United States —Eds.] 


To Theodore Dwight, Esq., Editor of the N. Y. Daily Advertiser. 

Dear S1r,—In the thriving village of Car- 
thage (not the Carthage of Queen Dido on the 
coast of Africa)——but on the north bank of the 
Black River, in the county of Jefferson, and 


State of New-York, we have an Axe Factory, 


manufactured from ore on the spot. Though 
we cannot boast, like Messrs. Collins, Harri- 
son & Co.,that every minute of the day adds one 
to the number of our well-finished axes, still we 


7 


184 LETTERS OF 


really make every day our cool dozen, which, as 
General Rial said of the grand scenery of the 
Highlands, we think is ‘ pretty well for a new 
country.’ And we also think that our axes, 
though not as numerous, will in point of qual- 
ity bear a comparison with theirs. 

Now while these rich and skilful mechanics 
present a full dozen of their axes strongly 
packed in a highly-polished hickory box to the 
‘Greatest and Best’--while Pomeroy puffs his 
razor-strops, by presenting a sample to the 


great rejected, and Peleg Bissell approaches 
our ineffably venerable President with his of- | 


fering of a churn, so simple, so plain, so desti- 


tute of gearing, and so like his own beau-ideal | 
of a perfect government, that the ‘Hero of two | 


wars’ ‘snickers right out,’ as he turns the 
crank; we too draw near with our offering. 
It is a single axe, and is intended as a small 


token of our regard for one who, as a states- 


man, a patriot, a soldier, yields to no one. 
You will of course perceive that we can 

mean no other than Major Downing, of Down- 

ingville—the bed-fellow and privy counsellor 


of ‘him that was born to command’ the | 


Kitchen Cabinet. And we can assure the 


Major that this axe has more than one of the 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 185 


requisite qualifications for a President. Its 
helve is of: hickory—in Kentucky parlance, 
‘is as Savage as a meat-axe, and of course 
‘ean look on blood and carnage with com- 
posure.’ 

We confidently hope that the gallant Major 
will accept of this trifle as a token of the high 
estimation in which he is holden ; and, encour- 
aged by applause, go on as he has begun, sub- 
tracting every superfluous wheel from the 
government till it is reduced to a machine 
simple as a top, and direct and energetic as a 
guillotine. 

We intrust this present to you, Mr. Editor, 
certain that through no other channel it would 
reach the companion of the ‘ Hero’ so stun. 

We are, respectfully, 
Your obedient Servants, 
Srarks & Co. 
Carthage, December 27, 1833. 


Q2 


186 ° LETTERS oF 


[We publish to-day Major Downing’s letter acknowledging 
the receipt of the Axe from Messrs. Starks & Co., which was | 
noticed some time since in our paper, The effect produced | 
‘upon the company in the President’s Chamber, when the Major 
made his appearance at the door with that implement of hus- | 
bandry upon his shoulder, shows that either his prowess is | 
well established at head-quarters, or that conscious guilt makes | 
men cowards without any real cause of fear. On any other 
ground it is difficult to account for the sudden retreat from the - 
‘“‘presence-chamber” of their master, upon the mere appear- | 
ance of the Downingville hero, with such a peaceable and | 
harmless instrument in his hand as an axe. ; 

The mistake which the President fell into faghectind the 
identity of the worthy principal of the Carthage manufactory in 
the first place, and the Government Bank Director in the second, | 
is not to be wondered at. Old Gen. Starks generally made a} 
good deal of scampering whenever he appeared with a weapon | 
in his hand; and the Government Bank Director, like his re- | 
nowned name-sake of London (the Philadelphia of England) 
has rode a strange tilt lately, and appears to have “lost both 
hat and wig” in his career. Probably the Hero would have | 
been led into another more classical mistake than those just 
mentioned, if Messrs. Starks & Co. had not fortunately given 
in their letter a geographical caution against such an error, by 
an express declaration that the Carthage where they make 
axes is not the city built upon the coast of Africa by Dido, but 
a modern village upon the Black River, in this State. . The ex- | 
act position of it may probably be found in Spafford’s Gazetteer. 
If any doubt shall remain, after the foregoing explanation, 
upon Dr. Jackson’s mind, respecting the identity of the manu- 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 187 


) facturer of axes; and the hero of Bennington, we take the liberty 

to refer him for further information, on this or any other subject, 

_ to the honourable Mr. Senator Hill, from New-Hampshire—the 
State that claims the honour of having given birth to General 
Starks.— Eds ] 


LETTER XXV. 


Exhibition of Messrs. Starks and Co.’s Axe at.the 
Cabinet Chamber—Sudden, Dissolution of the As- 
sembly—Conscience has something to do with t— 
Gratitude of an Old Roman towards a New-Carthe- 
ginian. 

To my old friend Mr. Dwight, of the N. Y. Daily Advertiser. 

Washington, 10th January, 1834. 
Tue pill-I give the Cabinet, and the rest 
of the Goverment here, on the 26th of last 
month, is jest beginnin to operate, and'I don’t 
think some on ’eém will want any more fisik 
for a good spell to come. Some of our folks 
make plaguy ugly faces at me, but I tell ’em 
that’s a sure sign they wanted fisik ; and they'll 
all feel better to-rights. It was well I stop’d 
jest where I did in that Cabinet paper, for 

“my dander was jest liftin, and if I had gone 

on only ten minits longer, ’d hit some on’em 
so hard they wouldn’t swell. 

But that. ain’t what I want to write to you 
aboutnow. I want to thank them folks up in 


188 ' LETTERS OF 


Carthage, in York State, for the axe they 
made for me, and which they sent to you to 
send to me. J have jest got it, and it nag 
tickled me eny most to death. I never got 
suchapresent afore inmyborn days. I started 
right up-chamber with it to the Gineral, and 
bolted strait into the Cabinet-room with 
my axe on my shoulder—the Gineral was. 
there with pretty much all our ‘folks, over- 
haulin the Post-Office accounts, ‘and: tryin to. 
git them strait, which is a plaguy tuff job— 
but no matter—in I smash’d, but afore I could 
git out one word, I never see such a scamperin. 
I turned to head some on ’em, jest to tell ’em 
what I was arter; but it seemed the more] 
tried, the more they tried to streak it, and in 
less than one minit there warn’t-a livin crittur 
left but I and. the Gineral ; and the Gineral 
somehow had got a notion in his head, and 
woulda gone too, if there warn’t rale pluck in 
him. He was standin up with his back agin 
the mantel-tree, and his hickory in his hand, 
and look’d, for all the world, as tho’ he was 
jest expectin a fight.. ‘Why,’ says I, ‘Gine- 
ral, what on earth is all this scamperin for? 
‘Well, says he, ‘Major, I reckon you can tell 
better than I can.’ And with that, he blink’d 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 189 


at me most plagily—-and says he, ‘ Major, 
what is the news now? ‘Why,’ says 1, 
‘there ain’t nothin new but this ’ere ax, and 
IT brought it to show you; it’s a present to 
me,’ says I, ‘from Starks & Co., away up in 
York State, on the Black River.” The Gine- 
ral changed face in‘a minit, and it was jest 
like the sun risin; He step’d up to me and 
took the ax, and walk’d to his chair and sat 
down, and throw’d his head back, and haw- 
haw’d right out. (It does me good in these 
times to see the Gineral tickled at any thing.) 
As soon as the Gineral could say any thing, 
says he, ‘Major, call back 'Tany, and Barry, 
and Amos, and haw haw haw,’ says the Gin- 
eral; and jest then I got the notion why they 
all scampered off so; and I sot down right in 
front of the Gineral, and we haw-haw’d, J tell 
you, for more than half an hour. And so to- 
rights we got talkin agin, and the Gineral he 
wiped his eyes, and blew his nose, jest, for all 
the world, as tho’ he had been cryin ; and says 
he, ‘ Major, it ain’t strange they was a leetle 
afeard of you; for, do you know, jest as you 
come in, some on ’em was sayin about the 
plagy Post-Office accounts—if they didn’t git 
’em strait pretty soon, you would git at ’em 


‘ 
190 LETTERS OF 
and.chop ’em all up into mince-meat ; and jest 
then, sure enuff, in you come,’ and ha ‘haw 
haw haw, says the Gineral, agin. ‘Well, 
says he, ‘ Major, ’m_ glad that people. about 
are beginnin to look at you pretty much as I 
do. I knew,’ says he, ‘the time would come 
when they would say I knew what was what 
when I got you to be with me; and now,’ 
says he, ‘ Major, let’s look at this ax,,—and the 
Gineral he rubbed his specs,—‘ Well,’ says he, 
‘this is a splitter, ain’t it—why, says he, ‘if.a 
man only got lathered he could shave him- 
self without a barber ; for this ax is as_ bright 
as a lookin-glass, and sharp as a razor; and 
here is the maker’s name too— Starks & Co., 
Carthage, New-York.’ I do wonder now,’ 
says the Gineral, ‘if that ain’t the same Stark 
who lick’d. the British at Bennington a spell 
ago? ‘J ain’t certin, says I. * Well, nor ig 
nother,’ says the tvs ‘for do you know, 
Major, I have. been in so many wars myself, | 
that I sometimes mix ’em up, and I have now ; 
got so. much to attend to here, that Iam 
peecd about names, and places, and times 
most plagily. Now there is our little District | 
Attorney ; our folks tell’d me, when I appointed — 
him a Bank Director that he was jest the 


> 
MAJOR J. DOWNING. i9} 


kind of man we wanted ‘to ride Biddle, and 
upset him ; and when they tell’d of ‘ridin, 
upsetin, and mentioned his name, I got a 
notion in my head that I can’t git out yet, 
that he may be the’ same man I’ve heard tell 
on, who took a ride once, and then wrote a 
ong account on’t in poetry.’ ‘ Well, says I, 
‘I’m not certin of that nother ; but I’ve got a 
notion the man you mean was John Gilpin.’ 
‘That’s the same man, ain’t it?’ says the Gine- 
ral. ‘No,’says.I, ‘I guess it ain’t, for he lived 
i London.” ‘O, that makes no odds,’ says 
the Gineral, ‘for they used to call Philadel- 
phy the London of America.’ ‘ Well, says I, 
‘then it must be the same—and if he’s got on 
the Squire to ride him, I guess it will turn out 
pretty much such another ride; for, says J, 
‘the Squire is a pretty good horse for a tight 
pull; but I don’t think he’ll stand easy under 
a saddle—it ain’t the natur of that ’ere breed.’ 
‘Well, Major, says the Gineral, ‘we. must 
thank them folks for the ax anyhow, and as 
soon as the Senate pass upon that Message we 
sent ’em tother day, about the Lion and other 
presents, youcan have the ax.’ ‘Very well,’ says 
], ‘Gineral; and if Congress don’t pass upon 
_ something else,’ says J, ‘so as to git things a 


- . % 
$32 . LETTERS OF 


leetle better in the money way, I'll want that 
ax, for we shall all come to pag stig agin for 
a livin.’ 

I want you to send a printed eopy of -this 
letter to the makers of that ax, and when you 
git all my letters’ to you printed in a book, 
send ’em one of the books with my thanks for 


the ax. 
_ Your Friend, 
. J. Downtne, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


4 | 


~ 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 193 


[We publish this morning, as was promised in our paper yes+ 
terday, another letter from Major Downing. The principal sub- 
ject of it is one of great interest to the country at large. The 
concerns of the General Post-Office appear before the public in 
amost unfavourable light; and it is perfectly natural that the 
President, ‘ whose duty it is to see the laws faithfully executed,’ 
should feel a good deal of anxiety to shield one of his deficient 
servants. The Major’s suggestions respecting the advantages 
of the course pursued by the Postmaster General in keeping 
back the knowledge of his official transactions from Congress 
are ingenious, and probably furnish the most satisfactory vindi- 
cation of that officer that can be—certainly that has been given, 
And the mode of pleading what the lawyers call a set-off, in ad- 
justing the accounts between the losses of the Post-Office, and 
the credits of the executive, though they may not be allowed 
by the Committee of Claims, will be freely admitted by every 
person who holds to the present or the next administration for 
the rewards due to pure, disinterested, uncorrupted patriotism.] 


LETTER XXVI. 


Defaicaiions in the Post-Office—The Major's method 
of letting off his own Steam—The magic Specks 
screwed toa plain sight—The General takes a look at 
things as they really are—His Steam up in conse- 
quence—The Major's notion of the real object of re- 
moving the Deposites from the U. S. Bank—The ad- 
justment of accounts by charging deficiencies to 
account of “ glory and reform.” 


To my old friend Mr. Dwight, of the N. Y. Daily Advertiser. 
Washington, Jan, 16th, 1834. 
You remember I tell’d you a spell ago, that 
after we got the Message done, we was 
R 


194 LETTERS OF 


obliged to take it all to bits, and nock out a 
good many things about the ’counts, and run 
the chance of lettin Congress skip ’em over ; 
and I tell’d you too, that I would to>rights git 
the Gineral’s specs, and giv ’em a twist round 
toa plain sight, and let him take a look at 
things jest as they be, without a bit of ‘glory 
about ’em. Well, among them accounts we 
had got in the Message was the Post-Office 
accounts. I didn’t like the looks on ’em a bit 
at the time, but as everybody said money was 
plagy scarce everywhere, the Gineral thought 
it was natural enuf to find it pretty scarce in 
the Post-Office too. ‘ Now,’ says I, ‘Gineral, 
my notion is that we best let Major Barry tell 
his own story about it; for as he has done so | 
much in reformin things, and as we have got. 
now a pretty good majority in Congress, he 
may git outof the scrape.’ Well, the Gineral 
thought that was about the best way; and 
Major Barry made his report, and tell’d a) 
pretty considerable of a cute story about his) 
havin found an error in the Post-Office ac-| 
counts, that had been overlooked ever since) 
Gineral Washington’s time. I begun to think) 
for a spell that would stump Congress, about 
as much as tho’ there had been a fire in the 
Post-Office, pretty much like that one in the 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 195 


Treasury last spring. But, somehow or 
other, some of the plagy Senators have been 
smellin round, and got on a track that led ’em 
right up to the fact, that the Post-Office is 
head and ears all over in debt; and that it 
has been borrowin money for over two years 
now, and never said a word on’t to Congress. 
And I am peskily afeard, that seein the Law 
says none of our folks shall borrow money 
without consent of Congress (and which, 
upon the huil,is a pretty safe law, for Con- 
gress couldn’t tell otherwise how the money 
was goin)—I am, I say, peskily afeard we 
can’t git the Post-Office folks out of this scrape 
without reformin some on ’em out of office. 
But as they are all our best friends, and have 
done more for glory and reform than most 
folks, we shall let some on ’em resign, and then 
apint ’em to some office abroad, or git ’em into 
some place where they can git a liven without | 
workin for it; for the Gineral won’t let any 
'on ’em suffer no way. 

When the Gineral come to hear what the 
| Senate was arter, says he, ‘Major, will them 
accounts of the Post-Office stand the racket, 
‘or not? ‘ Why,’ says I, ‘Gineral, its hard tel- 
‘jin: but, as nigh as I can kalklate, says I, 
‘TI guess they won’t in the wa_ Con ress set- 


Be. 


196 LETTERS OF 


tles accounts—things look plaguy crooked,’ 
says I; ‘and the worst on’t is, them accounts 
have been so twisted, first one way, and then 
agin another way, that I am afeard now they 
won’t stand twistin any more. The only way,’ 
says I, ‘is to straiten ’em, and that’s all I can 
do about ’em. But, says I, ‘if they break 
to bits in straitenin on ’em, I cant help it’ 
‘Well,’ says he, ‘Major, I wish you’d try it; 
for,’ says the Gineral, ‘if we can’t keep Barry 
up, there is no tellin what will become of us; 
for it seems to me, ever since Mr. Van Buren got 
the Post-Office Department into the Cabinet, we | 
have been able to do more in ‘ rewardin our 
friends, and punishin our enemies,’ than in all 
the rest of the departments put together.’ | 
‘Well,’ says I, ‘ Gineral, ll try it” saysI; and 
so the Gineral went to bed ; and I got my slate, 
and I got all the Post-Office accounts from the 
time Judge M‘Lean left the office and Major 
Barry came intoit. It took mea good spell to | 
git’em all strung out in regular order; and jest 
as I was beginnin to sifer up, the Gineral he 
riz up in bed, and says he, ‘ Major, I reckon I. 
can help you along. ‘ Well,’ says I, ‘ Gineral, 
I want all the help you can give me” ‘I’m. 
thinkin,’ says he, ‘ you best say that it’s all owin — 
to Biddle ; that he is crampin all the people he 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 197 


can, and that he makes mony so scarce, folks 
can’t pay postage; and that if we had not 
taken the deposits away from him, things 
would be twice as bad now.’ ‘ Well,’ says I, 
‘Gineral, that is a good notion, and I'll see to- 
rights how it will work among figers.” ‘I 
thought I’d jest tell you, Major,’ says the Gin- 
eral, ‘afore I forgot it, for the notion jest struck 
me as I was goin to sleep ;’ and so the Gin- 
eral laid down, and I went to siferin agin. 

It was most daylight afore I got through ; 
and I finished off with the sums Major Barry 
says he has been borrowin, and left a blank 
to put in the amount he says the Pust-Office 
has overdrawn the Banks where the postages 
are kept ; for as he don’t know yet what that 
amount is, I can’t tell myself; tho’ I suppose 
I could, upon a pinch, make nigh upon as good 
a guess at it as he could, or any one else. 
But I thought I wouldn’t guess at nothin. I 
never guess when I get hold of my slate—I 
sifer on one side, and then chalk down the 
sum on tother—so there can’t be no mistake. 
When I come to figer up the hull amount the 
Post-Office has gone astarn~ since Judge 
M‘Lean left it, I begun to bile up like one of . 
old Capt. Bunker’s steam kittles; and I was 
_ glad the Gineral was snorin, for I don’t like to 


- ool 
a 


198 LETTERS OF 


let people see me when my steam is up; but if | 
I don’t do somethin, I suppose I shouid blow 
up jest like a steamboat on the Massissippy— 
and so I got my ax, and down stairs I went 
with a light to the wood-house, and split up 
more than three cord and a half of hickory 
afore I got in a good temper, and afore I 
thought it was safe to go to bed; and then I went 
to bed, and slept like a top till breakfast time. 
The next mornin, when the Gineral come 
into the Cabinet-room—‘ Well,’ says he, ‘ Ma- 
jor, did you finish them plaguy accounts ? 
‘Yes,’ says I, ‘Gineral, I did, and split up 
wood enuf to last us a month in the bargain.’ 
And I jest tell’d the Gineral a little about it 
to prepare him. ‘ Now,’ says I, ‘ Gineral, let 
me have your specs,’ says I, ‘a minit7—and I 
took ’em to the window, and give the screws 
a twist, and tried ’em ; and seein every thing 
look’d natural, I handed ’em to the Gineral, 
and then he and I took the slate, and went 
over the figers—both on us standin up by the 
table side by side. ‘First,’ says I, ‘there is the 
piintin account and stationary of the Post- 
Office, when Mr. Adams was President; and 
here is the account since we’ve been in—here 
is the amount of contracts for one spell, and 


MAJOR J. DOWNING, 199 


there is the amount for another—here is the 
number of offices and clarks for one spell, and 
there is the number for another—and here is 
the cost of wages and sallarys of the Post- 
Office when Mr. Adams was President ; and 
here is the cost since our time—plaguy deal 
of difference, Gineral,’ says J, ‘ain’t it? 'The 
Gineral he didn’t say nothin—he kept his eyes 
on the slate, and his mouth nigh upon wide 
open ; ony once in a while he’d calklate on his 
fingers a spell. ‘And now,’ says I, ‘there is 
the sum Judge M‘Lean left in the Post-Office 
when he went out on’t; and. there, says I, 
‘is the sum that is now wanting: in the Post- 
Office, to make things square there, to say 
nothin of the sum Major Barry says the Post- 
Office has overdrawn from the Banks—and as 
he don’t know what the amount is, I don’t 
nother ; and I don’t care about guessin at it; 
for it’s bad enuf without guessin” The Gin- 
eral put his eye on the last line of figers (it 
was hard upon a million of dollars agin the 
office), and» look’d and blink’d, and began to 
close his mouth up slowly, jest for all the 
world like shutting up a safety valve; and he 
began to swell, and breathe plagy hard. I see 
the steam was gittin up. The Gineral he 


200 LETTERS OF 


_look’d at me ; and I look’d at him; and then 


we both look’d at the slateagin. Bime-by the 
Gineral he opened the valve, and let off the 
steam, and sich a whizzin you never heard in 
your born days. He took my slate, and was 
jest a goin to smash it into a thousand atoms ; 
but I got it afore it struck the floor. He then 
got his hickory, and thrash’d round ‘a spell 
with that. But that didn’t do no good. So 
says he, to-rights, ‘ Major, what is to be done 
about it? ‘Why,’ says I, ‘Gineral, I don’t 
see nothin else,’ says I, ‘but to take my ax, 
and do as I did last night—there is a good deal 
of hickory wants splittin in the wood-house 
yet” And with that I handed the Gineral my 
ax, and he slatted about the chamber with it 
for a spell; and if any of our folks had come 
in then, I guess they’d found more to fear 

than when I frighted ’em so a few days ago. 
I never know’d the Gineral blow off steam 


so long as he did this time ; and I was peskily — 


afear’d the boiler would burst arter all. And 
so I went to work puttin out the fire; and the 
only way was to get the specs and screw ’em 


‘back to ‘glory’ agin; and as soon as I did _ 
that, we got our pipes, and sot down and talk’d 


_over the matter, r 


‘ 
+ 


ed 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 201 


‘Now,’ says I, ‘Gineral, though this isa 
bad business, it ain’t so bad as it first looks. 
In the first place, says I, ‘if Major Barry had 
borrow’d the mony of Squire Biddle, Con- 
gress would have known it 2 years ago, and 
the Post-Office reports wouldn’t a ben as 
slick as they have been ; and we’d a had more 
trouble to git so many of our folks in, last 
election. And then, agin, by borrowin the 
mony of other Banks, on-interest, it made 
them Banks the keener to get hold of the de- 
posits; for if Congress wouldn’t pass a law to 
pay the mony borrow’d by our folks, to make 
their accounts look square, why the deposit 
Banks could pay themselves; and now by 
gettin our mony away from Squire Biddle, 
who was bound by law to make a regular re- 


port to Congress of ev’ry thing, and puttin it 


in other Banks, our folks can square off a good 
many accounts, and Congress won’t know 


nothin on’t; for it will take a pretty spry si- 


ferer to figer out all the accounts. with so many 
new deposit Banks; for we’ve got em now 


pretty well mix’d-up sai what the es i 
calls ¢ contingent drafts,’ and. ‘transfer checks, 


and ‘ Treasury warrants ; and Zekel Bige- 


low says P sails in three ores with. the 


¥ 


: 


ws 5 


el 


202 LETTERS OF 


power the Goverment has got now, warrant, 
and transfer, and contingent away, between 
so many pockets, nigh upon the bull of the 
deposits, and nobody could never find nothin 
about it. 

‘And then, agin,’ says I, ‘here is another 
thing—the people wanted ‘ Glory, and they 
wanted ‘ Reform, and they have had both 
how over 5 years; and if they expected it 
warn’t a goin to cost nothin, they was mis- 
taken. And that ain’t all—there was that 
plagy ‘surplus mony’ business: evrybody 
said a spell ago if somethin warn’t done about 
it, the country would all go to smash. Well, 
now,’ says I, ‘we are gettin out of that scrape 
as slick as a whistle.’ 

The Gineral he began to brighten up— Why,’ 
says he, ‘ Major, we’ve been in a pashin then 
about nothin. I remember now I tell’d the 
folks in my Message a spell ago, that the 
safest place for the surplus money was in the 
pockets of the people; and I believe that sayin 
alone brought over more than one State to 
_ our side ; and if our people git the mony, it’s 
all right, ain’t it, Major? ‘ Yes,’ says I; 
‘only some folks, I suppose, will set. up a 
_ squeelin, jest like the pigs when they come in 


ie 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 208 


 @ leetle too late for their corn; and say, altho’ 


they don’t belong to our party, they’ve got 
jest as good a right to a share as we have. 
‘Well,’ says the Gineral, ‘there they are mis- 
taken; for Governor Massy said (and that 
made him Governor too), that the corn all be- 
longed to the pigs that got into the pen afore 
the gate was shut. But, Major, says the 
Gineral, ‘I ama leetle puzzled yet to know 
what account to charge that Post-Office debt 
to. If we can only git that right, and save 
Barry, I shall sleep sound to-night” ‘Well, 
says I, ‘Gineral, there is only one account 
that will stand that charge, and a good many 
more too; for as we go along, and Congress 
gits to siftin things, I suppose they’ll find 
out somethin more. In the first place,’ says 
I, ‘that fire in the Treasury Jast spring did a 
good deal towards settlin off a good many 
land accounts, and other accounts. If we 
don’t have no more fires, or other accounts, 
and Congress presses us, we'll give them a 
lead through the new deposit Banks a spell, 
as [have jest bin tellin; and if they follow 
us up through that track, for some of these 
fellows have got good noses, then we'll fetch 
up on the only account I know of, and that 


204 LETTERS OF MAJOR J. DOWNING. oy 
account, as I said afore, will stand a sod 
many charges yet.’ ‘ Well, what is that ac- 
count, Major ? says the Gineral—and he got 
up and looked at me.—‘ Last week,’ says I, 
‘Gineral, was the 8th January. Now,’ says I, 
‘ain’t that day worth a little more than the 
Ath July? ‘The Gineral gin anod. ‘ Well 
then,’ says I, ‘there is ‘Glory;’ ain’t that worth 
somethin? ‘The Gineral gin another nod. 
‘And there is ‘Reform;’ ain’t that worth 
somethin? 'The Gineral noded agin. ‘ Well 
now,’ says I, ‘put all that together, and if that 
don’t make a sum of debt due you,’ says I, 
‘that will balance a good many accounts, I’m 
mistaken. New-Orleans, Glory, and Re- 
form, says J, ‘debtor to the Gineral” ‘That’s 
enuff,’ says the Gineral. And so that was the 
eend of the Post-Office accounts. 
From your Friend, 
J. Downinea, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


—_ 
” MAJOR J. DOWNING. 205 
it 
[By the following letter, which we received yesterday, it ap 
pears that we pia correct in the opinion we expressed, re. 
specting the rumor that our friend Major Downing had been 
under the necessity of leaving the ‘‘ White House” at Wash 
ington. The truth of our suggestion is now placed beyond a 
doubt, as this letter abundantly proves. The Major not only re- 
mains in his former station, but obviously maintains the full 
degree of influence which he has heretofore exercised over the 
proceedings and policy of ‘‘ The Government.” That attempts 
should be made by the Kitchen Cabinet, to thwart him in his 
disinterested efforts to promote the public welfare, and to frus- 
trate the machinations of artful, designing, and unprincipled 
men, is not to be wondered at. But it is very fortunate that our 
friend sees through their plots, and has independence to oppose 
them face to face, even in the “ presence chamber.”—Eds.]} 


LETTER XXVII. 


The Gineral tickled by the New-York and New-Jersey 
Legislatures—The Charge of Bank Bribery hits 
the wrong Side—An Indian Fashion recommended 
—An Experiment at heating one Boiler at a time— 
State of the Country—The Nub of the Business— 
Heterodoxy is not my Dory—A Game, Necromancy 
or Financy; or Van Buren Cups and Balls—Trans- 
fer Checks, Contingent Drafts, and Hocus Pocus— 
The Gineral at bay—The Pack driven off by the 
Major’s Whip—Scene closes with the Sufety Valve 
open. | 
To my old friend Mr. Dwight, of the N. Y. Daily Advertiser. 

Washington, 25th January, 1834. 
_ Ever since I and the Gineral settled the 
Post-Office accounts, as I tell’d you in my last. 
8 


4 


7 


206 LETTERS OF 


by chargin the amount that Major Barry is 
astarn to ‘Glory’ and ‘Reform,’ the Gineral 
has been more easy about it than I am afeard 
other folks be, especially some of the opposi- 
tion folks in Congress: they keep smellin 
round—and unless we can git up another 
nullification, there will be trouble, not only 
about the Post-Office business, but some other 
branches of the Departments. 

Congress keeps hammerin away yet about 
the Deposits, and the Gineral was jest agoin to 
give up, when we got the news from Albany 
of the vote of the Legislatur there in favor of 
the Gineral in taking away the Deposits from 
the U. S. Bank, and the vote of the New- 
Jarsey Legislatur, and strong news too that 
some other Legislaturs wo’d do the same. 
The Gineral was amazinly tickled, and says 
he, ‘Major, I reckon your notion that the 
people warn’t with us on that pint, is a mis- 
take; and now,’ says the Gineral, ‘I'll hang 
on and keep the Deposits, and Biddle may 
whistle for ’em.’ ‘ Well,’ says I, ‘Gineral, 
we'll see, and as [ said afore, if the people 
don’t tell their Legislaturs another story, and 
Congress too, afore we are a month older, 
then,’ says I, ‘I know nothin on ’em.’ ‘ Very 
wel] Major,” says the Gineral, ‘we'll see.’ 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 207 


And jest then in come Amos and the Globe 
man, and some more of our folks, and lookin 
pretty streaked too, and I gota notion right 
off there was somethin stirrin; and so they 
began to tell the Gineral that Biddle was to 
work bribin all the people he could. to sign 
petitions to Congress, askin to put back in the 
Bank all the Deposits agin, and to re-charter the 
Bank. ‘Why,’ says the Gineral, ‘ain’t that too 
bad, Major—we must give the Bank,’ says he, 
‘that Latin pill, there is nothin will stop’em but 
that skiry factus’ (or some sich name, the Gin- 
eral calls it). ‘Now,’ says I, ‘ Gineral, stop a 
bit” says I; ‘there is one thing puzzles me 
considerable about this bribin business—I 
should like to know who they be who are takin 
-bribes—it ain’t in the natur of things,’ says 
I, ‘for Squire Biddle to bribe the friends of the 
Bank, for that would be useless—then,’ says 
I, ‘it must be that he is bribin the enemies. 
of the Bank, and that’s our party. Now,’ 
says I, ‘will you set by and hear folks say, 
that our party is sich a scabby set of fellows 
as to take bribes—if you do,’ says I, ‘I wont,’ 
and with that I riz up, but afore I could git 
round the corner of the table, I and the Gine- 
ral was alone agin. JI sot down and said 


208 LETTERS OF 


nothin—I priced my teeth a spell, but that 
didn’t do much good—I took my Knife and 
whittled the table, but that warn’t much 
better, and the only way to rights that put me 
ina good temper agin, was to whistle more 
than “0. varses of Yankee Doodle, for I didn’t 
like to say a word to the Gineral whilst I was 
‘ina pashin. The Gineral was all the while 
walkin up and down the’ room—so as soon as 
I got through whistlin; says I, ‘Gineral, I 
guess we bing say a pee more about bribin,’ 
says I. ‘ Well,’ says he, ‘ Major, I reckon you 
are right—for the notion never struck me 
afore that that kinder talk hits right upon 
the heads of our friends, for they are the only 
ones that need bribin.’ ‘ Now,’ says I ‘ Gine- 
ral, jest lets you and I sit down and talk over 
‘this business, and Il tell you, like a true 
friend, how the cat is goin to jump, and if it 
don’t turn out as I tell you, I'll give you my 
ax, and throw in my regimentals in the bar- 
gain ;’ and so the Gineral he sot down and I 
went at it. . 
‘In the first place, says I, ‘if I git in a 
pashin, you must keep cool—and if you git 
in a pashin I’ll keep cool; but if we both git 
in a pashin, then there is no tellin.’ ‘ Well,’ 


, MAJOR J. DOWNING. 209 


says the Gineral, ‘that isa good notion, Major, 
for that’s jest the way the Ingins do, and they 
larn wisdom from natur—you never see an 
Ingin and his squaw git drunk together: 
when one gits drunk, tother keeps sober, and 
so they take turn and turn about. ‘ Well,’ 
says I, ‘I never heard that afore; but I sup- 
pose, tho’, they git along better when they are 
both sober.’ ‘Oh yes,’ says the Gineral, ‘in 
war time that is best, but not in treaty time.’ 
‘Well, says I, ‘that’s no matter, that ain’t 
exactly what I am arter, but I’ve got a notion 
out on’t which I’ll begin with: Some years ago 
the Yankees got drunk, and got up a kinder 
nullification—there warn’t much in it arter 
ll, according to my old friend Dwight’s book, 
but folks South thought there was, and so 
they kept sober—and last year the South got 
drunk, and then all North kept sober, and that 
frolic is ended. Now,’ says I, ‘North, and 
South, and East, and West are all sober, and 
all shakin hands, and they say we have been 
takin a drop too much—there ain’t no nullifi- 
‘cation nowhere in particular, but its all nul- 
lification all about us, and all hands are for- 
‘min a ring and closin in upon us here, pretty 


‘much like a wolf hunt—they all say we have 
s2 


210 LETTERS OF 


taken the money that belongs to the people, 
and the people won’t be content till we give it 
up—that’s pretty much the nub of the busi- 
ness—and we shall have petitions and memo- ' 
rials from all quarters tumblin in upon us, and | 
if we don’t mind them they will be follow’d | 
by hard nocks, jest like the story in the old 
spellin books about the old man drivin the | 
boys from his apple-tree—he throw’d grass’ 
first, and that doin no good, he tried stones, 
and that brought ’em down pritty quick. 

The Gineral he begun to git in a pashin— | | 
and says he, ‘Major, I’m gittin mad.’ ‘Very 
well,’ says I, ‘Gineral, I'll keep cool accordin’ 
to agreement. And with that the Gineral 
slatted round a spell with his hickory, and 
talked about New-Orleans, and Siminoli,' 
and the Grand Tower, and I sat whittlin all' 
the while. ‘Why, Major, says the Gineral, 
‘T’ll never give up the Deposits in the world’ 
‘What,’ says I, ‘not if the people say we was! 
wrong in takin ’em? Suppose the people! 
_ say the Laws are agin us, what then? ‘Well,’ 
says the Gineral, ‘I’ve tell’d ’em that the Laws’ 
are only jest as I understand ’em, and nothin 
else” ‘Now, says I, ‘Gineral, suppose Clay, 
or Calhoun, or Webster was in your office 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 211 


and said jest so—and you was in Congress, or 
was one of the people, and didn’t agree with 
em, how then? says I. ‘Oh,’ says the Gin- 
eral, ‘that’s a very different thing—any of 
them fellows would be dangerous to trust with 
any kind of power.’ ‘Well, says I, ‘my no- 
tion is, howsever, that the law don’t mean to ” 
trust nobody—and as I am peskily afeard one 
or tother on ’em will git in here arter we go 
to the Hermitage—I don’t want to have any 
thing done now by us that they will do, and 
then tell us they only do what wedid. 'That’s 
the only thing that puzzles me—for,’ says I, 
‘¢Gineral, sass for the goose ought to be sass 
‘for the gander too.’ 

’ 6 Well,’ says the Gineral, ‘there is somethin 
in that, Major—but, says he, ‘I can’t give up 
the Deposits anyhow—Amos says we must 
hold on to’em, and all our folks say so too.’ 
Yes,’ says I, ‘Gineral, it’s true enuff, the 
‘hounds have got the stag down, and gota 
‘taste on him afore the hunters come up—and 
‘I suppose there will be leetle left but the horns 
\and trotters: but, says I, ‘it ain’t right, and 
‘the people will tell us so, you may depend— 
and all I have to say is, if what we have done 
sis to be the rule herearter, I dont know but I. 


: 
) 


212 LETTERS OF 


should like to be President myself—for folks 
might make Laws, and all I’d have to do 
would be jest to understand ’em accordin to 
my notion.’ 

‘IT don’t see, Major,’ says the Gineral, ‘how 
itis you git sich odd notions about public sen- 
timent. IknowI can’t be mistaken, for every 
letter I have time to read tells me I am right; 
and I read the Globe from one eend to tother 
every day, and that paper tells every thing, 
and I see nothin there that tells me I am rong.’ 
‘Well, says I, ‘ Gineral, you know you hain’t 
got time to read more than one letter in a hun- 
dred that comes.’ ‘'That’s true enuff, says the 
Gineral ; ‘ but then our folks do, and they tell 
me every thing’ ‘Tell you every thing ? 
says I.—‘ but no matter’—and so 1 whistled 
Yankee Doodle a spell. ‘No,no, Major,’ says 
the Gineral, ‘the opposition folks throw dust 
in your eyes ; you don’t see things as clear as 
the rest of our folks about us.’ I jest was goin 
to speak, but findin my dander was liftin, J 
had to go to whistlin agin, and it took me nigh 
upon 15 minits to git right; and I expected 
every minit I would have to git my ax and 
split hickory a spell in the bargain. ‘Now,’ 
says I, ‘Gineral, you are the ony man on earth 


| 
| 
} 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 213 


I'd look at aminit, and let him sayso tome. I 
got dust in my eyes? saysI. ‘I not know 


_ what is goin on in doors and out of doors? 


why,’ says I, ‘how you talk! ‘Now,’ says I, 
‘you jist set still a minit, and [ll show you 
somethin,’ says J, ‘worth lookin into-—and I 
went into a room where Mr. Van Buren and 
Amos and some more of our folks git together 
every once in a while, to manage and talk 
over matters, and I’ve seen so much of the 
games play’d there, and bein naturally curious 
in most matters, I can play some on ’em nigh 
upon as slick as Mr. Van Buren himself—but 
he is a master-hand at it. The game they 
had been playin most at latterly was about 
managin the public money among the new 
Deposit Banks, and showin how to use the 
‘transfer-checks’ and ‘contingent drafts, so 
as to puzzle folks in time and need. It was 
done with a parcel of cups and balls, and little 
strips of paper—and did tickle me amazinly ; 
and for a spell puzzled me too—and so I 
thought I’d jest show the Gineral, and see if 
it wouldn’t tickle him and puzzle him too. 
And I thought I’d let the Gineral see if there 
warn’t a leetle dust in his eyes too. Andso I 


brought in a hull arm full of this machinery. 


214 LETTERS OF 


And as soon as the Gineral saw me, ‘ Why/ 
says he, ‘ Major, what on earth have you got 
there? ‘ Why,’ says I, ‘it’s a trifle, and I'll 
tell you all about it to rights.” And so I 
placed the cups bottom up, all along in a row 
on the table, and then I gin the gineral a hand 
full of small balls. ‘Now, says I, ‘I’m goin 
to show you about as cute a thing as you’ve 
seen in many a day—them cups they call 
banks, and them balls is the money we took 
from Squire Biddle’s Bank ; the next thing is 
to show you how things are goin to work, . 
now that we’ve got our money from one pocket, 
where we always know’d where to find it, 
and divided it round among twenty pockets, 
where may-be you may or may-be you may 
not find nothin at all on’t—and here,’ says I, 
‘are some leetle pieces of paper that our 
folks make use on to throw dust with—now,’ 
says I, ‘Gineral, look sharp, or you’re gone, 
hook and line, says I. ‘It’s a plaguy cunnin 
game, and I don’t know sartin that I can play 
it as well as Mr. Van Buren and Amos and 
some more of them ’ere folks, and especially 
the Treasury folks, for they have been at it 
now off and on ever since P’ve been here—and 
Mr. Van Buren tell’d ’em unless they could 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 215 


play this game well, there was no use 1n takin 
away the deposits. Now, says I, ‘ Gineral, 
_ Pil begin—you are sartin,’ says I, ‘there is a 
ball under ev’ry cup’—*‘ O yes,’ says the Gin- 
_ eral, ‘ for I jest put ’em there ;’ and then I be- 
_ gan slidin the cups by each other, and mixin 
_on’em, and kept talkin about Glory and Re- 


form, and the 8th January, and the Proclama- 
tion, and Veto, and Nullification, and some 


_ folks bein like old Romans born to command, 
and others to obey, and so on: and jest as the 


Gineral took his eye off the cups and look’d at 
me, and was goin to say somethin, I slap’d 
some cups together, and call’d out, ‘ Hocus- 
pocus, alicam pain, presto, e pluribus unum, 
sine qua non, skiry factious,’ says I— there,’ 
says I, ‘ Gineral, that’s the eend on’t.’ ‘ Well,’ 
says the Gineral, ‘I don’t see much in that, 
Major’ ‘Didn’t you ” says I: ‘then so much 
the better for the game. Isuppose, then,’ 
says I, ‘you think the balls are under the 
cups jest as you put them.’ ‘To be sure I 
do,’ says the Gineral; ‘I suspected what you 
was after, Major, and I kept my eye on the 
cups, and no balls could ever git from under 
’em without my seein ’em. I’d stake my life 
on’t, says the Gineral; ‘and what’s more, 


216 LETTERS OF 


Vl stake the fastest horse in my stable, that 


wg 


every one of the cups has gota ball under — 


em.’ ‘Well,’ says I, ‘ Gineral, it wouldn’t be 
fare bettin; and so do you go to work and 
look.’ And the Gineral he lifted up one cup, 
and there warn’t nothin under it but a piece 
of paper. ‘The Gineral he was stump’d; he 
Jook’d at me, and gin his face a twist, and then 
he look’d in the cup, and shook it. ‘ Well, 
says he, ‘ Major, that is plaguy odd; what has 
become of that ball? ‘ Well, says I, ‘I guess 
the paper will tell you: and the Gineral 
took up that, and rub’d his specks, and read, 
‘Transfer draft, No. 101.’ ‘ Well then, I sup- 
pose, says the Gineral, ‘it’s all right’ (for he 
jest began to take the notion of the game)— 
‘and instead of one ball in the next cup, 
there is two balls.” ‘Pm not sartin, says I; 
‘and you’d better look.’ And so the Gineral 
lifted the next cup—and there warn’t no balls 
there nother—ony another piece: of paper. 
The Gineral look’d a spell at me, and open’d 
his mouth, and then he scratched his head, 
and took off his specks, and rub’d them agin, 


and then he read the paper. On one side 
was, ‘Contingent check $500,000’—and on 


vother side was written, ‘Marquis of Carmar- 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 217 


thon, $250,000—6 per ct’ —‘ Post: Office loans’ 
—and all kiver’d up with figers, so you could 
not see a bit of ‘ White’ on the paper. The 
Gineral he blink’d at it a spell; and says he, 
‘Major, what does this mean? ‘Well,’ says 
I, ‘Gineral, I don’t exactly know myself; but 
I suppose it’s all right, for I see here on one 
corner ‘ Amos Kindle.’ ‘QO, very well,’ says 
the Gineral, ‘if that paper has pass’d under the 
eye of ‘honest Amos, my life on’t, it’s all right. 
But, Major, where is the ball I put under that 
cup? says the Gineral: ‘ain’t it under one of’ 
these cups?” ‘Not as I knows on,’ says I— 
and with .that the Gineral he turn’d to agin, 
liftin the cups, and shakin ‘on ’em, and» lookin 
into ’em, and there warn’t a ball under nary 
one on ’em—ony pieces of paper, all full of 
figerin, and some on ’em marked, ‘ Transfer 
Checks, and ‘ Contingent Drafts, and ‘Trea- 
sury. Warrants. The Gineral hussled ’em 
about to see if he could find any of them balls 
among ’em—and examined all the cups agin; 
and he looked under the tables: so to rights, 
says he, ‘Major, I’m stump’d—I nock under 
—I’m_ clean ‘beat,’ says the Gineral; ‘and 
now, says he,‘ where are the balls? And 
with that I put my hand in my pocket, and 
T 


218 LETTERS. OF 


took’em out. ‘ Well,’ says the General, ‘that 
beats all the rest. Now,’ says the Gineral, 
‘what game is this? ain’t this nickremancy ? 
‘ Well,’ says I, ‘Gineral, my notion is pretty 
nigh that, but Mr. Van Buren says there ain’t 
a bit of nickremancy in it—it’s only financery ; 
but I suppose it’s a leetle of both on ’em, 
‘Well,’ says the Gineral, ‘its a plaguy cunnin 
game, Major, ain’tit?” ‘QO, says I, ‘it’s nothin 
as I play it here—you should see Mr. Van Bu- 
ren at one eend of a table, and honest Amos at 
tother, and some of the folks from York State 
with the ‘Safety Fund’ .cups, too, strung 
around the table, and all on ’em understandin 
the game nigh upon as well as Mr. Van Bu- 
ren—and then they bring in the ‘party cups’ 
too—and such a movin and hocus-pocus work 
I never see afore in my born days—in lookin 
sometimes I wouldn’t bet I had a head on my 
shoulders—it beats all natur,’ says I. 

‘Now, Major, says the Gineral, ‘suppose 
you try it agin:’ and so, as I got my hand in, 
played it over two cr three times a leetle slicker, 
and the Gineral couldn’t see the trick no 
way—for when I’d find him watchia plaguy 
close, I’d spread the cups as far as I could 
reach, and talk about ‘Glory’ like all rath, and 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 219 


tell about the people’s beginnin to think that 
some folks was outwittin the Gineral, and 
that Congress wouldn’t go home afore they 
git all the public ’counts sifted, and the -peo- 
ple’s money back agin under their control ; 
and as the Gineral couldn’t keep. his eye on 
all the cups at once, I’d hocus-pecus agin. 
The Gineral couldn’t see into it ; and he rub’d 
his specks more than twenty times, but that 
didn’t git the dust-out of his eyes ; and then 1 
turn’d to and explain’d all I know’d about it 
to the Gineral, and he tried it—and after a 
good many slips—pretty much as Major Barry 
did when he tried it—he got along pretty well, 
considering: ‘ Now, Major,’ says the Gineral, 
‘suppose we try it with one cup, and put all 
the balls under it, and see how the game 
works that way. I think, says the Gineral, 
‘if you can outwit me then, I may as well 
quit.’ ‘ Well,’ says I, ‘ Gineral, that was jest 
my notion too; and I tell’d our folks, and of- 
fer’d to bet any on ’em they couldn’t git a 
single ball out, or git a piece of paper in the 
place on’t, without my seein it, if they only 
used one cup ; and not one on ’em would take 
me up—and I’ve. tried it, but it won’t work 
with one cup—you must have a good string 


220 LETTERS OF 


on ’em. Some of our folks said they could 
fix a cup so as to play the game with it—but 
they couldn’t with a plain single cup—and 
seein that, I stump’d ’em about the single 
cup; they are all at work now in all parts of 
the country, inventin a cup with springs, and 
screws, and slides, and holes inside on’t’ 
‘Well, Major,” says. the Gineral, ‘I don’t like 
to have dust thrown in my eyes, and I never 
did. like this kind of hocus-pocus work; I 
never understood it; and I don’t like this 

kind of nickremancy, or financy—and it ain’t 
to my fancy at any rate, Major, and it shan’t 
bé, that P’m detarmin’d upon’—and jest then 
ut come a hull raft of our folks from Congress, 
to tell the Gineral what was goin on there ; 
and as I had this letter to write to you, I went 
into the next room; and whilst I was writin 
it, ?d hear the Gineral once ina while stormin 
away about that plagny game of ‘/financy, 
and ‘nickremancy. ‘'There won’t be a dol- 
lar left,” says the Gineral, ‘to pay the old so- 
gers their pensions, if we don’t put a stop to 
this game ;’ and then they all got to blusterin 
—and ‘we must,’ and ‘we musn’t do this and 
that’ ‘Oho,’ thinks I, ‘when folks talk of we, 
is time for me to take a hand: and jest as I 


oa 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 221 


was goin to start, I heard the Gineral roar out 
for me; and not knowin what was comin, I 
jest grab’d my ax, and was alongside of him 
ina flash: and would you think ‘it? there 
was more than fifty fellers of our folks, and 
some on ’em from Congress too, all standin 
round in a ring, brow-beatin the Gineral, and 
tellin him not to do this, and not to do that, 
and by no means not to break their cups; for, 
it seems, the Gineral had jest threatened to 
smash ’em; and sure enuff, as soon as he saw 
me, he let drive at ’em with his hickory, and 
he sent the cups and balls intomore than a 
thousand bits. ‘Stand by, Major, says the 
Gineral. ‘Never you fear me, Gineral,’ says 
I: but afore I had time to spit in my hands, 
the Gineral finished the war; there warn’t a 
critter left. And ever since, the Gineral has 
bin blowin off steam; and he hain’t said a 
word to me about havin dust in my eyes ; and 
I begin to think the Gineral finds he has had 
as much in his’n as most folks: and so that’s 
all for the present; only I'll jest tell you it’s 
no use for any one to attempt now to deceive 
the Gineral with new plans, and a new Bank 
—we'll have the one we’ve got made a leetle 
bigger, pretty much after Mr. Webster's fash- 
TR 


222 LETTERS OF 


ion; and that meets my notion, because the 
country is bigger than it was 20 years ago— 
and there mustn’t be no nickremancy about 
it. The Gineral says there must be only a 
plain cup, and all the balls in it; then there 
will be no hocus-pocus without seein the trick 
on’t. So no more at present. 
From your Friend, 
| J. Downrne, Major, 
_Downingville Militia, ‘2d Brigade. 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 223 


LETTER XXVIII. 


More Nickremancy—The General gets his Hand n— 
Difference between a Tammany Man and other Men 
—Hints at the Origin and Object. of Safety Fund 
-Banks—Character of Moneyed Aristocracies—Differ- 
ence between I and other Folks—A P.S., acknow- 
ledging the Reception of another Present. 


To my old friend Mr. Dwight, of the N. Y. Daily Advertiser. 
Washington, January 31st, 1834. 
I ann the Gineral have had a good many 
talks about nickremancy and. financy, ever 


since I show’d him that game of Mr. Van Bu- 


ren’s with the cups and balls; and every day 
arter breakfast, we talk and practise a spell: 
The Gineral will say, ‘ Come, Major, now let’s 
suppose this here cup is sich a Bank, and this 
lump of sugar is the deposit in that; and 
then sich acup is sich a Bank, and that ’ere 
sasser is sich a Bank; and so we go on, till 
we turn bottom-up all the cups and sassers on 
the table, and take nigh upon half the Jumps 
of sugar out of the sugar-dish; and then we 


224 LETTERS OF 


go to movin, and slidin, and playin hocus- 
pocus—and the Gineral gits so tickled at it 
(now he is gittin to know the game), that I 
am peskily afeard he'll forgit there is danger 
in it; and Mr. Van Buren has been tellin him 
‘the Goverment’ can’t hold together no way 
unless this game is kept up. 

The news of the great meetin at Tammany 
Hall has jest got here by express; and honest ° 
Amos, and Mr. Van Buren, and a hull raft of 
our folks come right in, enymost out of breath, 
to talk about the ‘glory’ on’t to the Gineral ; 
and they tell the Gineral that if ony 100 folks 
go to that ’ere Hall, there is more dependence 
to be put in their resolutions, than in any 
other resolutions, no matter if all the rest. of 
that big city agree to’em. ‘The Gineral can’t 
contradict this, because, as he says, Mr. Van 
Buren knows more about York State than all 
the rest of creation. I was tellin the Gineral 
what Zekel Bigelow tell’d me, in his letter 
about the vote of the Legislatur of York State, 
consarnin the removal of the deposits, and 
consarnin the Bank—that the last election in 
York State was no guide on this matter—that 
the Clay party, and the hull opposition party 
to us, didn’t do‘nothin, but kept sayin among 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 225 


themselves, ‘give ’em rope, ‘make no oppo- 
sition ;’ and in many places we had it all our 
own way; and that the ony fightin was 
among our own folks; and in some places. we 
come -plaguy nigh beatin ourselves.» But if 
the election was to go over now, the people 
wouldn’t elect a critter in that state who voted 
in ‘favour of the resolutions: The Gineral 
says he don’t believe it; and that Zekel is 
wrong; and that Mr. Wright, in the Senate, 
says as much—and ‘you can’t make Wright 
wrong, Major, says the Gineral (the Gineral 
is plaguy witty sometimes). ‘Well, says I, 
‘Gineral, what do you think of them memo- 
rials and petitions comin on here from New- 
York? There is names enuff there,’ says [, 
‘to carry any election agin us.’ ‘Yes,’ says 
the Gineral, ‘there is a good many on ’em, 
sure enuff; but Mr. Van Buren says that one 
rale Tammany man is worth a thousand on 
’em; and he has written: on to git up a peti- 
tion in old Tammany; and then you'll see, 
Major, how the cat will jump. Qur folks 
there have got somethin to lose, if they don’t 
work sharp. The opposition folks haven’t got 
no offices to lose; and they know they hain’t 
got no chance for ary vacancies when there 


226 LETTERS OF 


is any. Now our folks have; and that makes 
’em pretty keen.’ ‘ Well,’ says I, ‘there is 
somethin in that, Gineral ; but, says I, ‘sup- 
pose a meetin of mechanics and land-holders, 
merchants and traders, and all kind of folks 
who don’t git their livin out of offices, but 
work for it in trades of all kinds, and who 
have got families to support—folks who love 
the laws, and say they must be executed; 
suppose,’ says I, ‘they call a meetin in New- 
York, and instead of meetin at night in a tav- 
ern all lighted up, and with picters at the 
windows, should all come together at, noon- 
day in the Park there in front of the City Hall, 
where I and you shook hands with so many 
folks last summer, and should pass resolutions, 
tellin us they believ’d we was wrong in havin 
any thing to do with takin the public mony— 
that it belonged to Congress only to manage 
such things for them—and that it was owin 
to this that confidence and credit is destroy’d, 
and they are sufferin—how then? says I. 
‘Well, says the Gineral, ‘until the people do 
that, it ain’t my fault, Major, in believin that 
they think we are doin jest right’ ‘But, says 
I, ‘suppose they do so, and nigh upon all the 
city goes there? ‘Then, Major,’ says the 


| 


MAJOR J. DOWNING, 227 


Gineral, ‘I reckon it would stump us—but I 

suppose if we call in Mr. Van Buren, he can 

show us with the cups and balls how to play 

em.’ ‘Well, says I, ‘he may ; but I guess it 
would stump him too a trifle.’ 

The Gineral says Mr. Van Buren snl 
good deal about the fear of ‘monied aristocra- 
cy’—but I can see threw that pretty clear; 
and if the people don’t, too, it ain’t my fault. 
There is one kind of monited aristocracy Iam 
plaguy afeard of—and that is when politicians 
manage to git hold of the mony of the people, 
and keep turnin it to their own account,— 
first git hold of the mony that don’t belong to 
’em, and then buy up a party with it. If peo- 
ple don’t keep an ae to this pint, it’s all over 
with ’em. 

‘I have no-fear, Gineral, says I, ‘of ‘mo- 
nied aristocracy,’ as some folks call it,-pro- 
vided we let people manage their own mony 
—and if they want to make a Bank, and a 
good strong one too, let-’em have it—but let 
7em manage it themselves, or let ’em appint 
their own folks to manage it, for’em.  It-ain’t 
in the natur of things, for people who have 
got mony to lend, to do any thing agin the 
gineral prosperity. of the country; for if the 


228 LETTERS OF , 


country don’t prosper, or if it gits into a snarl, 
they lose their mony.- So they are the very 
kind of folks who are always tryin to keep 
things strait, and accordin to law. Whenever 
they take a hand in politics, it is to prevent 
politicians gittin things wrong eend first. 

‘People who have got mony never will con- 
sent to let politicians manage it for ’em, be- 
cause they know from natur, and all creation 
has shown it, that as soon as politicians git 
hold of other. folks’ mony, they sift it round 
plaguy ginerous, jest to git into office; and 
then, to keep themselves in office, don’t care 
what it costs, provided they pay away mony 
that don’t belong to ’em.’ 

Now this is the hull drift of the business. 
Mr. Van Buren is tryin plaguy hard to take the 
Gineral’s place, when the Gineral’s time is 
up—and as the people don’t know him as 
well as they do the Gineral, because he hain’t 
fought as many-battles, he is cunnin enuff 
to secure himself on another tack, and that is, 
by gittin the control of the mony of the 
country. ‘This he has been to work at fora 
long while. In York State his party has 
ben practisin in this way for some years—first, 
in lettin folks know that the ony way to git-a 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 229 


Bank Charter was, by promisin to divide the 
stock round in a particular way—but as this 
would, in time, all git back in the hands of the 
rich, or them folks who had no other way 
of usin their mony, and would pay the most 
for the stock—and then they wouldn’t let 
politicians manage it for’em. This puzzled 
Mr. Van Buren a spell, till the Safety Fund 
notion was shown to him: now, thinks he, 
I’ve got it; and all that is to be done is, to 
try and make this plan work in the place of 
the U. S. Bank—for Mr. Van Buren saw long 
ago that as he had no hand in makin or keepin 
up the U. 8S. Bank, but Mr. Calhoun, and Mr. 
Clay, and all the other opposite folks to him 
had, he naturally got.a notion the safest way 
was, to put down the U. S. Bank, and put his 
Safety Fund Bank right in the place on’t. 
And there ain’t no other reason in the world 
why Mr. Van Buren is opposed to the U.S. 
Bank, And he got another notion: he 
thought if he could ony bring all the Safety 
Fund Banks in opposition to the U.-S. Bank, 
he would figer out a pretty good sum in 
politics—for as there was over 300 State 
Banks, and ony one U.S. Bank, it would 


work amazin- well in his favour—and he 
U 


230 LETTERS OF 


could, on that tack, out-vote any man opposed 
tohim. But, as I have said afore to you, in 
one of my letters, when a man attempts to 
work out politics with mony matters, unless 
he is amazin cute, he is apt to fail—for folks 
sometimes, who stick ony to mony matters, 
and think they know all aboutit, find it turns 
out right tother way—and that’s Mr. Van 
Buren’s trouble now-—he is ony a politician, 
anda plaguy cunnin one too—and he is a 
master hand at managin things, and gittin 
all his folks into office, and jist them kind of 
folks, too, who don’t like to git a livin in 
any other way—and then he knows they will 
work plaguy sharp for him, and to keep them- 
selves in office—and will do pretty much any 
thing, too. And then, agin, he is a master 
-hand at trippin folks who stand in his way, 
and afore they know it they are flat on their 
backs. I and the Gineral laff sometimes 
right out for more than half an hour when- 
ever we talk over that business of Calhoun— 
never was a man so completely outwitted— 
and the best on’t. was, Mr. Calhoun never 
could put his finger on Mr. Van Buren and 
say, you did this, or you did that. Mr. Van’ 
Buren is a rale fox in sich matters—he never 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 231 


lets nobody track him if he can help it— 
he has more wit than the Gineral—for he 
manages to let the Gineral take all the re- 
sponsibility, and he don’t take a mite on’t: 
that’s natural enuf, too, for he knows the 
people will hurraw, right or rong, if they 
ony see the Gineral—but if they saw any- 
body else, they’d begin to think and talk about 
Law and Constitution; and that would git 
Mr. Van Buren in trouble right off. 

After. talkin over this matter a spell with 
the Gineral—‘ Now,’ says I, ‘Gineral, I see, 
jist as clear as I see you, that the hull country 
is goin right into trouble; and if we don’t 
ehange our course we shall all go, hook and 
line ; for as soon as the next election comes 
on, the people won’t send back to Congress 
here not a single man who says we are right 
now in what we have done—we have gone 
right agin the Law ; and as a proof on’t, look 
how things now be, compar’d with what they 
was—and if we go on so a leetle longer we 
shan’t be much better off than one of the 
South American Goverments, which nobody 
has got any confidence in, because the laws 
ain’t no guide there—every man who gits in 
office there follows the law jist as long as it 


” 


232 LETTERS OF 


suits him, and when it don’t suit him he does 
jist. what he pleases. Now,’ says I, ‘the 
people of this country won’t allow that; they 
have made laws, and they say they must be 
executed and follow’d, or else there ain’t no 
use to have any Laws. Why,’ says I, ‘Gine- 
ral, if you wan’t here yourself, the people 
would no more stand still and let things go 
on as they are now goin, than I would swallow 
your hickory,’ says I—‘for the land’s sake,’ says 
I, ‘jist look at it: and, as I said afore, suppose 
any of them opposition folks, such as Clay, 
or Webster, or Calhoun, or Adams, or any 
body in: creation, was jist to do some things 
that we have done, and you and I was in the 
Senate, or in tother House, or was among the 
people, why,’ says I, ‘we’d raise all creation 
agin ’em—I would, says J, ‘in a minit? 
‘Well,’ says the Gineral, ‘when I come to 
think on’t, Major, I don’t. know but I would 
too; but then there is.a plaguy deal of differ- 
ence betwixt them fellows and Andrew Jack- 
son.’ And with that the Gineral rub’d his 
specks, and fix’d ’em close up to his eyes, and 
took his hickory, and began to walk up and. 
down, talking about the popularity and the | 
glory of his administration—‘ Why,’ says the | 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 233 


’ Gineral, nothin can hold a candle to it—it will 


| be jist like a light-house to all the folks that 
/ come arter us, Major’ ‘Well,’ says I, ‘ Gine- 
‘ral, that’s pretty much my notion too, But 


the worst on’t is, some, I’m afear’d, will say 


that light-houses don’t always stand in safe 


_ places—but sarve to tell folks ‘there ts danger 


nigh,’ and to look out sharp or they’ll go bump 


-ashore. So no more at present, 


From your Friend, 
J. Downine, Major, 
-Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


P.S.—I got your letter, which you tied fast 
to a Patent Metallic Hone and Strap, for 


_ Razors, which was handed to you to send to 


me, by the maker and patentee, Mr. H. M. 
Pomeroy, of Wallingford, Conn. ; and who 
tells me in his letter, that he hopes I'll accept 
on’t’ as a present from him. If I warn’t so 
busy I’d write himaletterof thanks. But jist 
to save postage, if your paper goes to Wal-- 
lingford, send him one containing this Jetter. 
It’s a complete strap as you ever see; and as 
soon as it was known about here that I had 
received it, nigh upon all our folks have ben 


sendin to borrow it. Some on’em won't be 
u 2 


234 LETTERS. 


the worse for the use on’t, for there are a good 
many here who keep about ‘half-shaved’ all 
the while; and I tell ’em if they use this 
strap, Ill warrant their razors will cut with- 
out whisky. 
Yours, &e. 
J. Downine, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


- 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 235 


LETTER XXIX. 


Presentation of Committees—The. General shows his 
Skill in Reception—A Mistake—The Mechanics not 
Tammany men—The real Simon Pures Coming— 
Dennis McLoony—Further Particulars promised in 
the next Letter. 


To my old friend Mr. Dwight, of the N. Y. Daily Advertiser. 
Washington, 15th February, 1834. 

Ever since I have bin in the Goverment, I 
never have had so much on my hands as I 
have since I wrote you my last letter. Folks 
are pourin in here from all quarters, and 
bringin petitions and memorials—some on ’em 
jest as much asa man can lift; and when 
they come to stretch them out, they kiver all 
Congress. Most all the Committees that come 
on here call to see me and the Gineral, and 
the work of presentin them to the Gineral has 
kept me busy enuff, I tell you. © The first and 
biggest Committee that came here was from 
the New-York Marchants and T'raders. I 
tell’d the Gineral, says I, ‘now, Gineral, is our 
time to brush up all we know about trade and 


236 LETTERS OF 


mony business; for, says I, ‘them New- 
Yorkers evry one on ’em has got his eye-teeth 
cut, and they hain’t come down here at this 
season threw the mud for nothin,’ says I; 
‘and as they are comin to see us to-morrow 

we better spring to it now,’ says I, ‘Gineral, 
and git evry thing cut and dried for ’em ;’ and I 
and the Gineral went to work makin a kinder 
shamfight on’t. Isee pretty quick it wouldn’t. 
do, for the Gineral would fly right off the 
handle, and talk about Glory, and New- Orleans, 
and Reform,and about his rights, and his Gov- 
erment, and the GREAT EXPERIMENT, and wind, 
up by blowing Squire Biddle all to splinters. 
‘ Now,’ says I, ‘Gineral, that won’t do at all,’: 
says 1; ‘them ain’t the kind of folks to talk to. 
so; they hain’t come here to talk about ‘ Glo-: 
ry ;) they have got enuff of that, says I, ‘in 
New-York already ; and Reform, too,’ says I: 
‘ Why,’ says I, ‘ Gineral, my friend Zekel Bige-' 
low tells me there is so much of that in New=: 
York, that folks are breakin all to bits there, 
and it has crowded evry dollar out of trade.: 
Now,’ says I, ‘I guess the best way for us is 
to hear what these New-Yorkers have got to 
say, and then bow ’em off as quick as possible; 
and don’t ask ’em any questions, and they’ 


MAJOR J. DOWNING, 237 


‘won't ask us any—for if they git us on that 
‘tack,’ says I, ‘ we’ll go bump ashore, now I tell 
‘you ;’ and so the Gineral began to think that 
was the best way, and if he was to say any 
thing in reply, it would be the old story—and 
the Gineral has tell’d that over so often, I think 
‘he could say evry word on’t in his sleep. 
Weli, the next mornin, sure enuff, I see ’°em 
‘comin; and I call’d the Gineral, and he took 
his stand right in the middle of the room, and 
I stood a leetle ahead on him, ’twixt him and 
the door—and in they come, jest for all the 
‘world as folks come to meetin ; and I turn’d to 
and introduced ’em to the Gineral, and we 
shook hands all round. The Gineral is plaguy 
cunnin in such times—he was mad enuff to 
snap his hickory right in two pieces; but he 
ut on a plaguy good-natur’d look ; and as 
s00n as we got threw shakin hands, one on 
em—a rale spunky-lookin critter, jest about 
sich another lookin chap as Squire Biddle, and 
ialk’d about as glib about mony matters—he 
jtepp’d out and spoke for the rest. on ’em, and 
ae went on-now jest as cool as though he 
iadn’t lost a dollar since we begun the war. 
He was as civil, too, as you ever see ; he tell’d 
‘he Gineral pretty much how things was 


238 LETTERS OF 


workin, and how they was goin to work; and 
when he come to speak of the Gineral’s grand 
experiment, he tell’d him pretty plain it 
wouldn’t work right. The Gineral was jesta 
goin to let him have his notions, but I pull’d 
him a twich by the coat, and he stopp’d: but! 
as soon as he got threw and bow’d, the Gine- 
ral begun, and tell’d him the first go off he 
was mistaken: that there warn’t a man in 
the hull State of Tennessee know’d half so. 
much about banks, and banking, and trade, as 
he did—and so long as he was President he’d 
let folks know what was the rale meanin of 
‘ Goverment.’ ; 

Biddle was a monster, and so was the 
Bank. Calhoun was a rascal, and so was. 
Clay, and Webster, and McDuffie, and the. 
hull raft of the opposition, and what puzzled 
him most was to find out which was the big- 
gest rascal, the Bank or ary one of them other 
fellers, and he’d put ’em all down afore he was. 
done with ’em. ‘Hain’t I saved the country,’ 
says the Gineral, ‘more than fifty times? If 
it hadn’t been for me,’ says he, ‘the Ingins. 
would now be in Wall-street, scalpin all on’ 
you, and the British would be all over Ken-. 
tucky, and Tennessee, and Virginny.’ And 


| MAJOR J. DOWNING. 239 


so the Gineral went on, and I couldn’t stop 
him till he got right into ‘Glory ;? and so I 
_ thought ’twas best to begin to bow the folks 
off; and by the time the Gineral got threw, he 
_ and [had it all to ourselves, and we sot down ; 
the Gineral he was a good deal struck up and 
| beat out, but he is as tuff as all natur, and can 
go threw jest sich a tug evry day, ony give 
shim a leetle time to take wind; and so he 
. took off his specks, and went to rubbin ’em, 
_ and we begun to talk about it. Says he, ‘Ma- 
| jor, lreckon 1 gave ’em a ‘skiery factious’ 
that time, didn’t 12 You see, says the Gine- 
ral,‘I asked ’em no questions, and that kept 
things snug. Do you know, Major,’ says the 
» Gineral, ‘I tid like the looks of that feller a 
| bit who did all the talkin for his companions : 

{ did you understand, Major, all that he telled 
i about’ Y says the Gineral. ‘ Pretty considera- 
| ble, saysI. And soI telled it all over to the 
| Gineral in my own way. ‘ Well,’ says the 
{Gineral, ‘I am glad I didn’t understand him, 
{for now as you tell it it stumps me considera- 
{ble The Gineral he sat still a moment, and 
{begun to count on his fingers; and to rights 
‘says he, ‘ Major, who was that? ‘ Why,’ says 
| J, ‘Gineral, he is the son of a man I’ve heard 


ae 
or 


. of my best friends, and was jest the kind ¢ 


240 LETTERS OF 


you tell on a thousand times.’ And as 
soon as I spoke the name, the Gineral he 
started up, and says he, ‘ Major, ’tis un- 
possible—what, the son of Rufus monet 
Why, says he, ‘Major, he-was always Ones rt 


man I liked—he was as firm as granit, | d 
knowed more about Banks, and public matters 
than any one I ever met—he was a rale pat? 
riot, and an honest, man.’ ‘ Well,’ says I, 
‘Gireral, that you said, and I have a notion, 
too, that he was in favour of the National 
Bank, and jest sich a one as we got now. 
‘That is’ true enuff,’ says. the Gineral, ‘but 
that was when | thought jest so too: folks 
should change their opinions, Major, when 
‘the Goverment changes theirn, ‘Well,’ 
says I, ‘] didn’t think of that” ‘1 wish, says 
the Gineral, ‘?’d a know’d who that chap 
was; Tda mide him shake his shoes for darin 
to ‘int them rascally Marchants and Traders 
agin my experiments. ‘I guess,’ says I, 
‘Gineral, that wouldn’t a been an easy job, 
for I kept my eye on that crittur the hull time, 
and kept thinkin all the while of what Pve_ 
_hearn you say about his father, and thinks J, 
‘that’s arale chip of the old block’ But come,’ 


| 
| 


; 
| 
| 


| 
| 


LETTERS OF 241 


ih I, ‘Gineral, we’ve got more work to-mor- 
ow; there’s another committee from New-York 


7 


& 


bringin another mile of names, all Mechanics,’ 
says I, ‘rale hard-fisted fellows.’ ‘ What, 
says the Gineral, ‘Mechanics, Major! And 
he sprung up and danced round like a boy. 
‘Them are the fellows, Major, says he, ‘strait 
from Tammany Hall,’ says the Gineral, ‘now 
youll have another story, Major—none of 
your T'raders and Marchants for me—there 
ain’t a spark of patriotism in the hull on ’em 
—but the Mechanics—give me the Mechanics; 
and now, Major, turn to and get a table well 
spread, and dinner on.it at 12 o’clock—that’s 
the rale working-man’s dinner hour: and let 
us put on our old coats, and don’t shave to- 
morrow (the Gineral is plagy cunnin in sich 
matters). So the next day, sure enuff, in they 
come, and we turned to shakin hands. ‘ Aha, 
my friends,’ says the Gineral, ‘these are the 
hands I like to shake—no glove-work here— 
you are the men to tell Congress what to do: 
and,’ says the Gineral, ‘any man in office, 
from the President downard, ought to mind 
what you tell’em” And the Gineral walk’d 
round among ’em and shook hands agin, and 


slap’d ’em on the shoulders; and took a quid 
7 3 


24% MAJOR J. DOWNING. 


of tobacco from one on ’em, and gin another 


a chaw out of his own box; and was as happy , 


as you ever see, and spry as a cricket too. 
' *Now, my friends,’ says the Gineral, ‘let’s 
talk over public matters :’ and with that one on 


+ ; 
’em stepp’d out and spoke for the rest; and I 


never in my born days heard a crittur of his 
looks and trade, talk so about Banks and 
money matters—and he began back more than 


30. years, when he was printis, and come up | 


all along, and he did shave down and saw up 
party measures and party folks, and dove-tail’d 
matters so, that the Gineral was stump’d: the 
Gineral walk’d up to him and made plagy 
ugly faces at him; but the crittur went on 
and talk’d right mp to the Gineral—and there 
warn’t a lump of sugar, or a drop of ile in the 
hull on’t. As soon as he stopp’d, the Gineral 
gin him a hard look, and says he, ‘Stranger, 
what’s your trade?” ‘A master carpenter, 
sir” said he.—‘I was your friend, Gineral, 
and every man I employ’d was also, and we 
stuck to you till the measures of your admin- 
istration have driven us out of employ—and 
here is.a blacksmith, and here is a rope- 
maker.” And so he went on pretty much 
threw all trades. ‘It gives me pain, Gineral, 
to tell you that our families—’ and here he 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 243 


stopp’d—he tried to speak, but he couldn’t: he . 
turn’d and walk’d to the window, and come 
back and tried it agin; and as soon as he’d come 
to speak about unemploy’d workmen and 
their families, he’d choke right up, and his 
lips would quiver so—I was jist agoin to step 
strait up and tell the Gineral what this man 
wanted to say—but he got.goin to rights him- 
self, and wound up by bringin his fist down on 
the table so I had a notion it would go right 
threw---and the Gineral’s hat on the table 
bounced up, I tell you: and says he, ‘there 
must be a change, Gineral” The Gineral 
didn’t like the looks and talk of this crittur 
nigh as well as the Marchants and Traders’ 
man the day afore. He tried ’em a spell with 
‘glory and reform,’ but that didn’t do no good, 
and that got the Gineral’s dander up, too, and 
so says he, ‘Strangers, the next time you come 
to talk with ‘the Goverment,’ you must get 
your representatives to come with you:’ but 
they tell’d the Gineral they had none, and 
hadn’t had any for a long while; but they 
would arter next election. 

‘The Gineral took the hint in a minit ; and 
says he (for he was plagy struck up by it), 
‘Jf you dare to change any of your represent- 
atives at the next election (except one), [ll 


244 LETTERS OF 


put your city, the hull scrape on’t, over on my 
friend Swartwout’s medows, in Jarsy. I'll let 
you know that [am tryin an experiment, and 
will try it, come what will—l’ve said I would, 
and right or wrong I'll do it, if I die ten thou- 
sand Spanish Inquisitions. And now, Stran- 
gers, clear out and go home.’ And as soon 
as the Gineral put on his hat, they put on 
their’n and walk’d out. But it did make me 
feel plagy sad and heavy to see folks come so 
fur, threw the middle of winter, and go home 
empty-handed. 'The Gineral was in a pesky 
bad temper all day, andso was I; but Mr. 


Van Buren, and some of the Congressmen 


from York State come in, and made clear 
weather agin, by tellin us they expected ev’ry 
minit another committee from New-York, of 
the rale stuff, and no mistake about ’em, and 
right strait from Tammany Hall, too, and 
they read over the names. ‘ There, that one, 


says Mr. Van Buren, ‘is an old friend of mine, | 


he was Mayor once, and is now a Banker; 


he knows ev’ry thing, and can tell in a minit | 
the difference between a crooked account and — 


a fair business transaction. And here is an-— 
other, he sent you a big bald-headed eagle — 
once, Gineral, don’t you remember? and by-— 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 245 


the-by, Major,’ says he, ‘he is one of your 
countrymen ; and the rest,’ says Mr. Van Bu- 
ren, ‘are all to be depended on—the first 
people of the city, in fact the party couldn’t 
hang together without ’em.’ ‘ Well,’ says the 
Gineral, ‘this is somethin like ; and now,’ says 


he, ‘the best way would be, when they come, 


to let Congress out, and let all our folks have 
a hollow-day.’ Well, sure enuff they have 
come, and we have had some on’em here, but 
IThan’t got time to tell you about it in this 
Jetter, but will in my next. And I’ve got 
somethin to tell you, too, about a new man, 


_ jest come here all the way from Ireland ; his 


name is Dennis McLoony, he is a good- 
natured crittur, and the Gineral likes him 
nigh about as much as he does me. I don’t 
know what he is arter, and the Gineral don’t 
nother, but he says he can do pritty much 
any thing, and he tells some plagy funny 
stories for us—we hain’t got no office for him 
yit, but there will be some holes soon to fill 
up here ; and by his tell he can fit plagy nigh 
eny place. . 
Yours, &c. 
J. Downtne, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


‘pola, ween . f 
Lis | Sa pepe “ied 
> Bele cab of ot Tia ou a t 


F i yh: mt i a hid wt ee org) 
* 1 OES dare u} ‘gy! in oMieer 3 Ne 
: wert? eo hes bg $s 2s) oft, ANd 063 ah i 

( ; ass ‘s ea os ‘wok ae * tel 

Bi - Wi Bel ; Babli i ti Lig to 10 


aeeit veeelt ‘fh 33 avis Ta : lt Wolw hae 
fel ai ct gu = oth {4 Rug ha pte 
catvel 8 Hey ee if oF enti! K a: A 
‘ah Is: yt oth mt it Hoe: 1s i. 

fener yee @ Pid bet aoe Har’ ab. wine 
uP Phan) owt inoy' rT Mad "Ua ioc caigaht 

: di cp hk ok vit dgeealy AY ainget sk ‘daa 
ha a4, iF lee et APR, af bis Teun’ >a ie 
en | y! “sine wv 5 ght “eit heeady | 
praieiLe Miuky wea 


nf ; 


any } 
5 


Py, SAMOS. sek Mok od, hd | Sel 
oe. oo dition ri ey ert hoa, waht be 
aah bio® bro a0 gos. Hassle * meer] ae: 3 
Be 4a OF Gua ‘bsfort. aig. a BS iby 7 gtd ped 9 
‘ae 2: it ei: I a!) al ok id lett # Sys yond. Bk 
¥ f ye pe 29 ear 
ae ee pales ae 

“ae fe WO Ce 

Pst fe olitean i wok = 


es 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 247 


LETTER XXX. 


Some of the real ‘* Simon Pures” ai the White House 
—Awkwardness of Mr. McLooney, a new Member of 
the Kitchen Cabinet—The General is thereby Poth- 
ered, and falls into sundry Mistakes— Prosperous 
times at home—A Family Dinner—Some good Jobs 
in Prospect—A small ‘‘ Business Transaction” with 
the Treasury—A general “ Hurraw” for ‘“ Glory,” 
gc. ; 

To my old friend Mr. Dwight, of the N. Y. Daily Advertiser. 

. Washington, 21st February, 1834. 


In my last letter I tell’d -you about my pre- 
sentin to the Gineral them two Committees 
from New: York—one of the Marchants and 


Traders, and tother of the Mechanics, and 


how the Gineral thought the last come right 
from Tammany Hall, and got into a plagy. 
mistake about it. But I tell’d you that the 
rale Tammany folks did come; and now I’m 
goin to tell you what a high time we had here. 

I got the list of names of the Committee, 
and I and the Gineral went to work readin on 
’em over and over, so as to git ’em glib—so, 
when the hour come, we got the room to 
rights, and the Gineral took his stand right in 


248 ' LETTERS OF 


the middle on’t, and I stood a Jeetle ahead on 
him, and Dennis McLooney, who I tell’d you 
about in my last, he said he best git by the door 
with the list of names, and call ’em out for 
us, and so let em come up to the Gineral one 
at a time, and then there would be no mistake 
—He said that was exactly the way at all the 
great folks’ houses in Ireland. But when 
they come, you never see sich work as Dennis 
made on’t—he stopped the first one; and in- 
stead of lettin the man tell him what his name 
was, Dennis wanted to know if he was so and 
so: he took the first name on the list, and 
arter he’d tried ’em all round, he took the next 
name and tried ’em a spell at that,—and so 
on. I couldn’t hear all that was said, for Den- 
nis ony opened the door jist wide enuff to put 
his own head out, and kept talkin and scoldin 
like all natur; so to rights the Gineral call’d 
out, and says he, ‘ Mr. McLooney, stand aside,’ 
says he, ‘and let our friends. come in: but 
Dennis jam’d the door right too, and turned 
and tell’d the Gineral he didn’t believe they 
were the persons the Gineral expected ; and 
so I had to go and let ’em in myself; and to 
keep Dennis out of trouble, I tell’d him to go 
in acorner, and look and larn somethin of 
American manners, afore he come to play 


MAJOR J. DOWNING 249 


Irish here: and. so in they come—but there 
was ony three on ’em, and that made things 
easy for me; and as the Gineral remembered 
as many of the names, he stepped up to ’em, 
and shook hands with ’em, and called ’em by 
the three first names on the list—to one he 
said, ‘Iam glad to welcome the man who 
was once Mayor of New-York, and I hope to 
see you Mayor agin,’ says the Gineral—‘and 
you, my friend, 1 thank you once more for 
bringing me on here, jist arter my first election, 
that big bald-headed eagle: I was so busy 
- then I had not time to do it; Iam sorry to 
tell you that noble bird is dead,—but I pre- 
sarved all I could of him; I stuffed my arm- 
chair cushion with his feathers; my friend 
Mrs. E. made a fan of his tail, and I keep his 
quills to write my Proclamations and Vetoes 
with : and so the Gineral shook hands agin ; 
and to rights, says he, ‘where is the rest on. 
you? and he took up the list andread all their 
names over; and then come trouble. They 
told the Gineral nary one on ’em ever had bin 
Mayor, and none on ’em ever sent an Eagle to 
the Gineral ; but one said-he had the honour 
of makin the furniter for the Gineral’s room, 
when he was on at York, on the Grand tower; 
* -and then he handed the Gineral his card, tellin 


250 LETTERS OF 


about his work ; and another stepp’d up, and 
tell’d the Gineral he had the honour of sellin 
it at auction arter the Gineral was done usin 
on’t; and he gin the Gineral another card, 
tellin what his business was in York. The 
Gineral look’d at ’em a spell, and then he 
looked at t’other one; but he had nocard; he 
said he didn’t do no business, because he -had 
an office under the Goverment. The Gineral 
begun to think there was another mistake ; 
and he look’d at me, and I tipp’d him a wink, 
and jest whisper’d in his ear, ‘try ’em on 
Glory a spell, Gineral,’ says I, ‘and there will 
be no mistake arter-that ;’ and so the Gineral 
went at it,—and sure enuff you never see 
critters spruce up as they did; and the further 
the Gineral got into Glory and Reform, the 
louder these critters hurraw’d for us; and 
Dennis got at it too; and that made jest six 
on us, and we settled up matters as clear asa 
whistle. There warn’t no distress nowhere ; 
One said,-mahogany was as cheap as pine 
boards was a spell ago, and so was labour; 
and if the Gineral would ony go.on and put 
down the Bank, and would give him an order 
to make him some tables, he would show the 
difference ; another said times never was better 


for his business,—for he expected this spring 
“-e 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 251 


to have the sellin.of nigh upon all the house- 
hold furniture in New-York; and the other 
said he was content, so long as the party hung 
together, for he got his honest livin out of the 
public money, and that didn’t belong to nobody 
butthe Gineral; and then we all turn’d too agin, 
and had another spell of Glory and hurrawin. 

The Gineral was tickled most desperately ; 
and he tell’d ’em all to stay and take dinner 
with us: and as soon as Congress was let-out 
we had a good large party, and we all sot 
down and talk’d over matters ; and as we had 
now jest the kind of folks from New-York to 
tell the Congress folks and all other friends 
what the rale state of things was North, and 
that there warn’t no distress there, and’ them 
other fellers I tell’d you about in my last letter 
ony come here to throw dust in our eyes. 
Evry thing was now as light as sun shine, and 
itwill takea good many Committees and Peti- 
tions too tomake the Gineral budge an inch now. 

The Gineral: tell’d these good folks from 
Tammany Hall, he’d like to have ’em stay 
here as long as Congress remains here, and 
they may come and put up in the White 
House, and they shan’t spend a cent of their 
own money. Assoon as the Gineral said that, 
_one on ’em got up from the table and walked 


952 LETTERS OF 


round to the Gineral, and whispered somethin 
in the Gineral’s ear. For a spell the Gineral 
looked plagy blank, and all I could hear him 
say was, ‘What’—‘ Rent-—‘Can’t pay. ‘I 
see,’ says the Gineral, ‘how it is—that’s Bid- 
dle’s work—T'll disappint him:’ and with that 
he call’?d Amos, and whispered somethin to 
him, and he whisper’d somethin to Tawney, 
and fe whisper’d agin. to Major Blair, and so 
it went round, till one on ’em got up and went 
over to the Treasury, and brought. in some 
money, and the Gineral settled up that matter 
pretty quick. And so that’s pretty much all 
I’ve got to say about this Tammany Commit- 
tee—and if you want to know about some 
other things that’s goin on here that I hain’t 
got time to write about, I’d advise you to read 
Dennis McLooney’s letters ; he writes a leetle 
evry day to his friends in Ireland; and to git 
it home safe, he tells me he sends “his letters 
to Mr. King, who prints the New-York Amer- 
ican. Dennis and I are pretty good friends, 
considering—but he says he don’t like the 
Yankees a bit; and, to be even with him, I tell 
him I like his countrymen amazingly—so we 
wont quarrel on that hook. Yours, &c. 
J. Downtna, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade, 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 253 


: ? 


LETTER XXXI. 


A Discussion on Assassination Letters—Reflections 
thereon—The Major exposed to Assassination as well 
as the Gineral—This diabolical Plot not confined to - 
one Party alone—Dutch Dunder and Blixem—The 
Gineral alarmed at the Sound only—A Translation 
requested, and Reasons for declining it—A Lame 
Trick—Concluded by a Haw Haw. 


To my old friend Mr. Dwight, of the N. Y. Daily Advertiser. 
Washington, 20th February, 1834. 

WE have had a good deal of sport here 
lately, about a new kink our folks got into. 
Findin things was goin pretty tuff agin us, and 
so many Committee folks comin on here, 
pesterin on us every day with petitions and 
talk, they tho’t best to put astop to it—and 
got up some letters full of fire, and toe, and 
brimstone, and bloody murder agin the Gine- 
ral—and threatenin onhim. This, you know, 
is an old trick in the old countries—and I . 
_tel’d the Gineral I was peskily afear’d it _ 
wouldn’t work well here. But they wouldn’t 


take my advice—and so they got some on 
a 


254 LETTERS OF: 


‘em printed. The first go off, the Gineral 
had a notion it would do some g ‘good in stirin 
up our friends about the country: but when 
he and I come to consider on’t, he begun to 
think it wouldn’t work right—for when you 
come to think on’t, it looks plagy strange that 
folks who want a recharter of a Bank should 
be cut-throats and murderers—for if they 
had a notion that way, they could get 
money without comin here for it, and killin 
the Gineral, and runnin the risk of my axe 
in the bargain— And now,’ says I, ‘ Gineral, I 
consider this business, now that it is all printed, 
a plagy small matter, and Iam peskily afeard 
it willdo us no good—folks will laff at it all 
about creation—and them that don’t know the 
natur of our countrymen won’t think so well 
on us—and I don’t think it’s right nother. 
But howsomever,’,says I, ‘since we’ve got in 
it, and some folks will laff, my notion is, we 
best begin and have some fun ourselves first ; 
and the next time all our Cabinet folks git to- 
gether, I'll have my share on’t at any rate.’ 
And so, sure enuff, yesterday I got a chance. 
Isot down and jin’d the ring, and says I, 
‘More steel and brimstone, Gineral.’ And I 
out with a hull bundle of letters—and the 


MAJOR J. DOWNING, 255 


first one I read was dated away up in Hills- 
dale, New-Hampshire. ‘Now,’ says I, ‘that’s. 
a rale geniwine letter—from a place where 
there ain’t nobody but rale geniwine folks of 
our party.’ They all stared, not knowin what 
was comin: and the Gineral he sot still smokin 
so you couldn’t see but leetle on him. And 
so I read :— 

To Major Downing, alongside the Gineral, t 

pists Washington. 

‘You etarnal rascal_—If you don’t stop 
writin letters—that keep all the while workin 
agin our party—we will send folks to Wash- 
ington who will chop you up into mince-meat 
with your own axe. We don’t see how it is 
the Gineral keeps sich a blasted scamp about 
him as you be—we believe you are bribed by 
Biddle ; for we don’t see how you git a livin 
out of your Major’s commission, now there 
ain’t no war. If ‘the Gineral changes his no- 

tions about the Bank, it will all be owin to 
your advice—so look out—and if the Bank 
‘comes out of this scrape alive, you are a dead 


~ man. , 
. # KK *K * KK *K * 


‘ There,’ says I, ‘ain’t that a stumper? - But 


256 LETTERS OF 


here is one a leetle Boxes than that, and is 
dated, ‘ Dunder Barak (* * * *) Kender Hook, 
(* * * *) Overslaw.’ 

But that’s all the English I can make on’t. 
And the Gineral he looked at it, and then 
ask’d Mr. Van Buren to read it outin English 
for us. And he took it and studied it over a 
spell, and he twisted round, and was plagily 
put to it to know what to do about it, and 
whispered somethin to the Globe man, and he 
whispered to another, and it went round. 
‘Come,’ says I, ‘let’s have it.” ‘Well, says 
Mr. Van Buren, ‘it’s a pretty severe letter, but 
we best not translate it—I’ll read it as it is, 
with pleasure. And so he went at it after 
this fashion—and this is the copy on’t :— 


Donder Barrack digt by Kinderhook op de Overslag. . 
Aan Jan Downing, Majoor in het zelfe huis waar den 
General woont. 

Jy bent nu een levendige man maar zo zeker 
als gy nu den Generaal aanraad om de Bank 
van de vereenigde Staaten te herstellen, zullen 
wy den DONDER EN BLIXEm door je slaan, en 
dan zal,je een dooije man zyn. Weet je dan 
niet dat als deeze Bank van de vereenigde 
Staaten niet vernietigd is, dat de Regeering 


sy 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 257 


Bank te Albany haar oogmerk niet kan ver- 
vullen, om Mynheer Van Buren President te 
maaken? nu deeze brief is om je te zeggen 
dat als je niet ophoud met die gekke brieven 
te schryven, en regt omkeerd en Mynheer Van 
Buren ondersteund om die Bank na beneede 
te stellen, en de zekerheid-Gelde Banken na 
boven te houden pass op-of je krygt het mes 
in debuik, het maakt geen onder scheid wie 
lydt, of hoe veel meuschen bankroet gaan, als 
wy Mynheer Van Buren maar President 
kunnen maaken, en dan kan ieder en een die 
maar bewyzen kan dat hy hem ondersteund 
heeft en geld daarby verlooren heeft op de 
Pensioen Lyst van Mynheer Van Buren ges- 
teld worden, en betaald worden wit de pub- 
licque kast, net als de oude Revolutie Soldaten, 
en als hy President word dan zal hy alles 
onder zyne bedwinging hebben en “ zyne 
vrienden beloonen, en zyne vyanden  be- 
straffen.” 

Gy hebt maar eene week meer te leven als 
gy je gedrag niet veranderd—Dus pass op— 


HEX HHE* 


Before he got half threw, the Gineral he riz 


up, and his hair stood evry way. And, says 
¥2 


258 LETTERS OF © . 


he, ‘Major, that sownds like bloody murder 
don’t it?’ And says I, ‘there isno doubt on’t. 
And if Mr. Van Buren would ony give the 
English on’t, it would be worse than any letter 
agin you, Gineral,’ says I. ‘ Well, says the 
Gineral, ‘if it’s worse in English than it 
sounds in Dutch, Tt don’t want to hear it; and 
we best stop readin any more letters about 
murder.’ ‘Well,’ says I, ‘if that’s enuff, I’m 
content. But, says J, ‘we best git these 
printed in the Globe.’ ‘No, no—O no, no—. 
O no, cried out pretty much all on ’em ee 
ain’t official enuff for the Globe—nothin no 
there but the rale stuff, ‘by Authority.’ ’ 
‘Well, says I, ‘if anybody says this ain’t as 
true as them other ones, I should like to hear 
it.’ And I give ’em a look, but they didn’t 
say aword. ‘Well, says], ‘that ain't all; if 
any on you want to know any thing more 
about these ’ere letters, I am willing ¢o fell 
you who wrote’em, and why they was written; 
and that’s a leetle more than any on you dare 
say about t’other ones. And,’ says I, ‘ that 
ain’t all yet; if any on you want me to tell 
who wrote them t’other letters, and why they 
was written, I can tell you that too,’ says I. 
And with that, they all begun to look pritty 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 259 


cloudy, and some on ’em said there warn’t no 
use to say nothin more about the business. 
‘Very well, says I, ‘it’s a nasty trick, any 
way ; it may do very well for some countries, 
but it won’t do in this; our people know a 
leetle too much to bite at sich a bait. as that. 
And now,’ says I, ‘the next time any on you 
want to play off a rale good trick, you must 
be sartin first, tosee both eends on’t; or,else,’ 
says I, ‘you'll be as bad off as my old neigh- 
-bour Eliakum Doolittle, who work’d nigh 
upon a week diggin a wolf-pit, and fixena 
trap-fall on top on’t, and jest as he was baitin 
on’t, he slipp’d in himself; and it warn’t till 
he was enymost starved to death, afore the 
neighbours found out where he was.’ 

The Gineral was tickled to death with this 
story, but our folks didn’t like it a bit; andso 
he ha-haw’d—and as I always in these hard 
times hook on to any thing worth laffin at (for 
the chance is plagy scarce), I turn’d to, and 
join’d the Gineral, and we ha-haw’d together 
till there warn’t a critter left in the room. but 
me and the Gineral. And so that’s all I’ve 
got to say about murder and brimstone this 
time. Yours, &c. | 

J. DOWNING, Major, 
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


260 LETTERS OF 


LETTER XXXIL 


The Major thinks of resigning, and the General be- 
comes alarmed about it—The Major’s Notions about 
the ‘ No Bank Experiment’—He is rather stumped— 
The Government’s Scrape with Squire Biddle—The 
General gets ‘riled, and tells a Rackoon Story, to 
show that he understands Banking —The Major then 
tells a curious Story about a very wonderful old Hen 
owned by his Grandmother, the supposed ‘ barin’ of 
which does not exactly please the Cabinet—With 
other matters too tedious to mention. 


To my old friend Mr. Dwight, of the N: Y. Daily Advertiser. 
Washington, 8th March, 1834. 


Ever since I wrote to you about them as- 
sassinations, and brimstone and murder letters, 
I have been lookin on to see how our folks 
are to work their way out of the scrape they 
have got The Goverment in, and I didn’t 
mean to say another word about it. But as 
things are ony gittin worse and worse, I tell’d 
the Gineral, for the last time, if some change 
didn’t take place, I must quit—for I cou!dn’t 
stay here and have my advice put aside jest 
to suit other folks’ notions—when I see, as 
plain as I could see daylight, the hull country 
goinall tosmash. ‘The Gineral was considera- 
ble struckup when I talked of leavin on-him— 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 261 


and he asked me where Iwas goin. ‘ Well, 
says I, ‘Gineral, that’s pretty tuff to tell, for I 
don’t see now where I can go to git rid of this 
plagy trouble—for it’s a leetle worse than 
cholera morbus—a body could git away from 
that, but this has got now everywhere—and 
when it gits hold, kamfire and lodnum stands 
no chance with it.’ ‘Iam afraid, Major,’ says 
the Gineral, ‘you are changin your politics.’ 
‘Well, says I, ‘Gineral, it may be so—for a 
man may as well change his teeth,’ says I, 
‘if by keepin his old set he can git nothing 
to bite with ’em. . 

‘And now,’ says J, ‘Gineral, jest let’s you 
and I look into this Heperiment of yourn, 
and see where it is goin to land us ; for,’ says 
J, ‘if I don’t miss my guess, we shall turn 
heels over head to rights, and there is no 
tellin which eend will come down first. And 
I don’t see,’ says I, ‘ what good is to come on’t, 
even supposin we come down feet first. 
How,’ says I, ‘are we goin to satisfy this ever- 
lastin batch of folks, with all their little chil- 
dren who are now sufferin all about the coun- 
try by this plaguy Experiment. You might 
as well,’ says I, ‘try to make folks believe it 
will be all the better for em herearter, when 


ZH2 LETTERS OF 


they git used to it, to take off their shoes and 
stockins and go barefoot now, and tell ’em 
that’s the ony way—so that in war-time evry 
man will be ready to march, and not bother 
the country to provide shoes and stockins for 
’em. And it’s pretty much so now with this 
plaguy No Bank Experiment. Folks have 
got a notion that they can’t git on without 
Banks—and they know, too, there must be a 
good strong one to regulate all.the small ones, 
jest like the balance-wheel in a watch—for 
without that,’ says I, ‘the little wheels will all go 
wiz, and break all to bits—-and you'll never know 
the time of dayno more than a sun-dial will tell 
ina snow storm. And then,’ says IJ, ‘to talk 
about hard money, and that there mustn’t be 
no other kind of money. Why,’ says J, ‘you 
might as well tell folks to go back to shoe- 
buckles agin, when a good leather string is 
lighter and better. Now suppose,’ says I, ‘a 
marchant wants to send money from here to 
New-Orleans to buy cotton, or to China to buy 
tea—and supposin,’ says I, ‘an old Revolu- 
tionary soldier, livin away back in the coun- 
try, sent here for his pension, and he was too 
old to come for it himself; how then, says I, 
‘would we manage to git this money in the 


MAJOR J. DOWNING, 263 


safest way possible, ary to New-Orleans to 
buy cotton, or to China to buy tea, or to the 
hands of this old soldier. . lf you send hard 
dollars,’ says I, ‘in a ship, and she sinks, it’s 
gone to all etarnity—and if the pirates take 
her, it’s worse yet—and if you send it by 
mail, Major. Barry would have to make some 
worse contracts than we have already. This 
stumps me considerable, and I have been 
lookin into it ever since this Bank war begun 
—-and the ony way,’ says I, ‘is to have a 
Bank that everybody has got confidence in, 
and have it as strong as all natur, and known 
everywhere, and then we can git round all 
these storms, and pirates, and labour of luggin 
hard money about. And we don’t want no 
better Bank than we’ve got now, to do all 
this, if we ony let it alone. And the best 
proof that it is strong enuff is, that with all 
our hammerin at it we hain’t shook an atom 
on’t—and the-more we fight agin it the worse 
it is for the people who want. the money this 
Bank owns, and the Bank wants to lend its 
money, for that is its business—and when we 
tell the people that Squire Biddle is tlie cause 
of makin money-scarce, they know that’s all 
ninkum fiddle, 


264 LETTERS OF 


‘Now,’ says I, ‘Gineral, suppose you was 
appointed to defend the country agin an enemy, 
that was comin here from abroad, and the 
enemy was, say 10,000 men, and they wouldn't 
tell you where they were goin to land—but 
you was obliged every week to tell them 
where your men was,’ ‘ Why,’ says the Gin- 
eral, ‘I’d go right down to New-Orleans and 
whip ’em, jest as I did afore.’ ‘ But suppose,’ 
says I, ‘they wouldn’t go there agin, but kept 
dodgin about along the coast from one eend to 
tother, how then? said I. ‘Then,’ says the 
Gineral, ‘I'd call out evry man in the country 
—and (’d have 10,000 men in evry fort from 
New-Orleans to Downingville. ‘ Well, says 
I, ‘that I suppose would be the ony way, and 
if it was in harvest-time it would be bad work 
for the crops.’ ‘I couldn't help that,’ says the 
Gineral, ‘I'd defend the country through 
thick and thin.” ‘ Well,’ says-I, ‘ that’s pretty 
much what Squire Biddle is arter—he don’t 
know where we intend to attack his Bank, 
and we make him tell us evry week jest how 
the Branches stand as to strength=-and we 
have tell’d him we’d break him if we can, 
and so, as he wouldn’t be doin his duty if he 
didn’t defend his Bank, he is obliged to keep 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 965 


every point as strong as he can, and soa good 
deal of money is idle jest as a good many 
militia-men would be idle in the war we’ve 
been talkin on ; there ain’t one grain of differ- 
ence,’ says I, ‘and evry attack we make agin 
the Bank ony makes things worse—the people 
all about the country see this now, and the 
hull country is sufferin. Now,’ says I, ‘Gin- - 
eral, ’m gittin a leetle asham’d on’t myself— 
we have. got into a scrape—I should like to 
git out on’t, and git you out on’t too, if I can; 
at any rate, says I, ‘Vl jest pack up my ax, 
and git my bundle ready, for as things are 
goin on it won't do to stay here.’ 

The Gineral got considerable riled at this, 
and slatted round a spell, but he soon see that 
didn’t do no good, for it ony set me whistlin 
Yankee Doodle—and so to rights, says he, 
‘Major, did I ever tell you that rakoon story 
of mine, and the bee-tree, and the apple 
orchard ? ‘ Well,’ says I, ‘not as I knows on, 
but I should like to hear it’ And so the 
Gineral he sot down and tell’d a plaguy long 
story about his goin out once with a gang of 
his niggers arakoonin. It was jest arter the 
last Ingin war—and folks all about the coun- 


try was beginnin to think that Gineral Wash- 
Z 


3 


266 LETTERS OF 


ington was a fool to him. It wasn’t long 
afore he tree’d a rakoon, and he set the nig- 
gers to work cuttin down the tree. This tree 
stood right alongside an old farmer’s apple 
orchard—and afore it was half cut down, a 
man cum along and asked the Gineral what 
he was arter, and he tell’d him: ‘ Why,’ says he, 
‘Gineral, you are barkin up the wrong tree 
this time, for I jest see that rakoon jump to the 
next tree, and afore this he is a mile off there in 
the woods.’ The Gineral tell’d him he was 
mistaken. And jest then the old farmer cum 
out, and he asked the Gineral what on earth 
he was cuttin down that tree for—that it was 
one of the best bee-trees on his farm—and had 
supplied his family and the neighbours round 
with honey for a good many seasons, and that 
the bees was jest swarmin agin in it. 

And with that the Gineral got wrathy, and 
tell’d the niggers to cut away, and down went 
the tree right across the orchard fence—and 
says the Gineral, ‘If the rakoon ain’t there, go 
on and cut down the apple orchard till you 
find him.’ And the niggers kept at it, but 
afore they cut down many trees the old far- 
mer larnt wisdom—and he come to the Gine- 
ral, and tell’d him he was right arter all, for 


a 
do tiien 
ey AX 


MAJOR “J. DOWNING. 267 


the rakoon was jest where he thought he was 
—and he had jumped from one apple-tree to 
another, and was now in his cellar.’ And 
with that, the Gineral he called off the nig- 
gers, and tell’d the farmer it was well he had 
found the rakoon as soon.as he did, for he’d a 
cut down evry tree in his orchard. ‘And so 
I tell’d him,’ says the Gineral ‘he might keep 
the rakoon for larnin wisdom.’ 

‘Now,’ says I, ‘Gineral, what was your 
notion? ‘ Why,’ says he, ‘Major, if I hadn’t 
done jest so, it would a gone all round the 
country that I know’d nothin about rakconin ; 
and it’s jest so with the Bank; if I give up 
my notion now, folks will say I know nothin 
about Bankin ; and afore I’ll do that, I’ll break 
evry man in trade, from one eend of the coun- 
try to the other. Tl let folks know, afore I 
am done, that Andrew Jackson knows as 
much of Bankin as he does of rakoonin.’ 

‘Well,’ says I, ‘Gineral, I don’t see how 
you git sich notions.’ ‘Nor I don’t nother, 
Major,’ says the Gineral; ‘but it has always 
bin my way, when J git a notion, to stick to 
it till it dies a natural death—and the more 
folks talk agin my notions, the more I stick 


to’em.’ ‘Now,’ says I, ‘ Gineral, that was a 


268 LETTERS OF 


pretty good story you’ve bin tellin, and Vd 
like to tell you one. And the Gineral he 
fill’d his pipe, and I began:—‘A spell ago,’ 
says I, ‘my old Grandmother Danforth—by 
my mother’s side—you know,’ says I, ‘ Gine- 
ral, my mother was a Danforth: and so I 
tell’d the Gineral as far as I could all about 
the hull Danforth family; and gittin that 
strait, I got back agin to my old Grandmother 
Danforth. ‘ Well,’ says I, ‘she owned an old 
hen, that was one of the curiestest critters that 
ever cluck’d. This old hen was never re- 
markable for laying eggs—but she was a 
master-hand in hatchin on ’em: my old 
Grandmother Danforth used to keep this old 
critter always busy ; .and as fast as she hatch’d 
one batch, she’d stick under her another: it 
got so at last, all the other fowls about the place — 
would come and slide themselves in alongside 
this old hen, and lay their eggs in her nest— 
sometimes ducks —-sometimes geese —and 
sometimes dunghill fowls and bantums—it 
made no odds which: this old hen would 
hatch ’em all out, and was jest as tickled evry 
mornin when the young ones would crawl 
out of the nest as though she had laid the eggs 
herself—and was all the while ruffled and 


4% 


MAJOR J. DOWNING. 269 


rumpled, and ready for a fight’ “And sol 
tell’d the Gineral a good long story about this 
old hen, and about her troubles,—and: how the 
other fowls used to impose upon her, and so 
forth. 

The Gineral was a good deal taken with 
this story ; and he has been tellin on’t to Mr. 
Van Buren, and Amos Kindle, and the rest of 
the Cabinet—and one on ’em.came to me to 
know what barin that story had on The Gov- 
erment: and all I could say about it was, that 
the Gineral tell’d me his rakoon story, to show 
how important it was for him to stick to 
a notion, right or rong; and as he didn’t know 
exactly how he got his notions, I thought I'd 
tell him the story of my old Grandmother 
Danforth’s hen, and see if that would throw 
any light on’t. 

Then they wanted to know if I intended to 
compare the Gineral to that old hen? and I 
tell’d ’em it wan’t so much my business as 
other folks’; it was enuff for me to tell the 
story jist as itwas. ‘One thing, howsever,’ 
says I, ‘is pretty sartin, and that is, that the 
Gineral has got some plagy odd fowls about 
him; and that pretty much all on ’em have 
_ been droppin their eggs under him to hatch 

a’ Z2 

‘ 


* i 


a 
Hs, 


270° DOWNING’S LETTERS. 


for em, and nothin has come out of the nest 
yet that the people like. And, ‘says I; ‘if 


some on you don’t manage to stand aside aba 


let an egg go in the nest worth hatchin, Iam 
peskily afraid the people won’t stand it much 
longer, but will make a clean sweep of the 
hull en you, and break up the old nest in the 
bargain; and so, says I, ‘that’s all, for the 
present.’ " 
Your old Friend, 
J. Downtne, Major, 

Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 


- 


Messrs. Harper & BROTHERS: 


Dear Sirs, “i 
Major Downing writes to me, sayin that his malt 
tary likeness at the top of the Downingville folks. 
aint consider’d as good as one the Gineral got 
Major Earl to take, and which hangs up in the 
Gineral’s bed-room,—and the Major says the Gin- 
eral wants you to put a copy on’t in the next edi- 
tion of the Major’s Letters. It is a full length like- 
ness of the Major in his political character, readin 
one of his own letters in print to the Gineral, and is 
consider’d one of the most perfect likenesses now 
goin. I don’t think I ever saw a better one in my 
horn days. 
Your Obedient Sarvant, 
ZEKEL BicEeLow, 
Broker and Banker, 
Wall-street. 


he reader will find the portrait, above referred 


_ to by Mr. Bigelow, on the fourth page of the pres- 
- ent edition of the Major’s Letters. 


* 
> 


me ta teottr. 


a ltt wie viol ita 


_Aaqavuiattn 

re wroaneh 2h 
ha "iekaalt Dees. BAG 2 
ale ae 40 ae 4am Ris 


: de 


wae Ta a 
4m 


e 


APPENDIX. 


wut 


We know of no man in the United States who has so many 
and so strong inducements to write for the newspapers as Major 
Downing. No writer of modern times has met with such de- 
cided success, nor do we recollect one whose popularity has 
been so extensive, and we may almost say, universal. We are 
not speaking of such writers as Sir Walter Scott, who made so 
many novels; nor Lord Byron, who wrote so much poetry. 
The Major has never, to our knowledge, written a book, either 
in prose or verse. Nor does he deal in works of the imagina- 
tion of any description. His object appears to be simple narra- 
tion—a mere historical account of what occurs before his own 
eyes, and about which he cannot make a mistake, unless it be 
what is sometimes called a wilful one. The Major is above such 
a sordid practice as that of writing fiction, merely for the pur- 
pose of amusing the idle and the inquisitive. His object is to 
record facts for the future historian ; and that they may not be 
lost, he puts them in print with as little delay as possible ; well 
knowing that when the chronicle of passing events is entered in 
the grand registers of historical truth,—the newspapers,—the 
copies become so- multiplied that there is not only no canger of 
their being lost, but there is an absolute certainty that the 
cannot be corrupted, or perverted, without being detected. 
This is his great nducement to publish his works in the news- 
papers. He is perfectly assured that they will be preserved, 
pure and unsullied, for the use of the future writer of history. 

And the wisdom of his plan is already manifest. His works, 
and _ particularly his Official Report on the Bank, have already 
been published in so many papers that any serious attempt to 
pervert his sentiments, or misrepresent his language, would be 
fruitless. We believe that article has already been inserted in 
at least fifty different papers, and it will probably go into neaily 
asmany more. And it is highly creditable to the taste and prin- 
ciples of the country that there is such a general relish for sober, 
unvarnished, unsophisticated truth—for simple, unornamentes 
narration.—.V. Y. Paper. 


APPENDIX. 


From the Albany Daily Advertiser. 


Masor Jack Down1nc.—We think the jeu d’esprit played 
off by the opposition wags in this character are the best things 
which have appeared in the newspapers for years. It is evident 
that the letters which have from time to time appeared under 
the hand and seal of the Major have been the result of great 
humour and talent. Their unbounded popularity brought vari- 
ous authors into the field; and although Major Jack was not 
always in keeping with himself, still a general identity preserved 
the effect of his numerous epistolary efforts. We are not sur- 
prised that the collar presses have at last come out against the 
Major. They call him the expiring wit of the opposition. We 
doubt whether this is so. We fancy that the Major will yet 
live to do his country service. 

One of the neatest hits which the unsophisticated Major made, 
was that in which he mentioned the conduct of the Vice Presi- 
dent, who, after a toss in the air by his restiff steed, so violent 
that it was impossible to tell which end was uppermost, came 
down upon his feet in Deacon Willoby’s potato-patch, and im- 
mediately commenced bowing to the assembled multitude, just 
as if nothing had happened. , 


From the New-York American, Dec. 7, 1833. 


But for the letters published originally in the New-York Daily 
Advertiser, and republished with the greatest avidity in almost 
every newspaper in the country, Major Downing would not have 
been by any means recognised, as he now is, as one of the first 
confidential advisers that ever stood between a people and their 
ruler. The Major is evidently a favourite of the people, and 
by his own showing (in which we trust he is not mistaken) he 
stands unrivalled in the estimation of the President; and has so 
ingeniously placed himself as to defy any power, legislative, 
executive, or judicial, to oust him from his position. 


From the Daily Advertiser, Dec. 13, 1833. 


Majsor DowNING IN ENGLAND.—These inimitable letters, 
which first appeared in this paper, have been almost universally re- 
a es by thejournalsinthis country. They have nowreached 

ondon, and are copied with avidity in the ieading journals of that 
city, and bid fair to.be as extensively read in England as in this 
country. We regret exceedingly that they cannot be appre- 
ciated by an English reader with the same zest as by an Amer- 
ican. The characters drawn, the masterly points made by the 
Major, must be lost to those who cannot, from the nature of the 
case, be acquainted with them. With all those disadvantages, 
it is no small credit to the talent of the oes Pao ap to the 
readers) that they should be thus favourably received. 


APPENDIX. 


From the Commercial Herald. 

Our friend Major Downing has been knocking for three or 
four days at our door for admission, and was on the eve of being 
admitted when Mr. M‘Duffie thrust him aside. We admit him 
this morning, not doubting that our readers will greet him. 


From a Virginia paper. 

Major Jack Downing is becoming decidedly more popula. 
than the Gineral himself. The Major has had an aze presented 
him in York State, and forwarded on to him at Washington, 
while the Gineral has had a broom in Alexandria for more than 
a month, and none so kind as to deliver it to him. This looks 
squally. What a pity the are and broom had not been received 
at the same moment !—the Major might have chopped the K. 
Cabinet into mince-meat, and the Gineral done “ the sweeping 
out.’’” 


From the New-York American, Nov. 7, 1833. 


Masor Downinc—the only writer who, in our day, has 
treated political matters with equal humour and acuteness. 


From the Ni -England Weekly Review. 
There is about as eager a curiosity to know the author of the 
genuine letters of Major Downing, as there used to be about the 
letters of Junius. 


From a Newark paper. 


Native Merit.—Among the eminent men of our country 
who have risen to distinction, without the factitious advantages 
of birth or fortune, through the mere force of merit,—the innate, 
buoyant energies of a great mind,—Major Downing, of Down- 
ingville, the confidante of the President, and correspondent of 
the New-York Daily Advertiser, stands pre-eminent—high above 
his contemporaries in all that enters into the composition of a 
great character,—a noble, ingenuous spirit “that takes no pri- 
vate way,”—an acute, comprehensive mind,—habits of observa- 
tion and research,—a profound acquaintance with human nature, 
—magnanimous and brave, feared at court, and a favourite of 
the people. In the two latter attributes he bids fair to excel the 
great master whom it was once his glory to serve, as he has 
long been confessedly superior to all rivalry in every other. 
The pen, the pencil, and the press have dedicated their best ser- 
vices to do him honour ; the Wandering Piper pipes his praise ; 
‘and the muses have pronounced his fame, in high poetic strains, 
{rom the top of Ida. 


APPENDIX. 


From a Philadelphia paper. 


‘We have the pleasure of presenting our readers with a N 
ar treat, in the excellent letter from Major Jack Downing, to 
e found in another column. 


From the Philadelphia Gazette. 


Major Downing’s letter to the Cabinet proper is a document 
of unusual interest. His views on the nature of the U.S. Bank 
and the currency of the country develop an intimate acquaint- 
ance with financial business. The analogy between the bank 
and the Conestoga wagon is good, and the steamboat simile is 
not less excellent. The Major's letters evidently increase in 
interest. 


From the New-York Evening Star. 


Masor Downina.—He stands on the highest pinnacle of 
Fame’s temple, acknowledged by every one to be the first states- 
man, the most profound thinker, forcible writer, and purest 
patriot of the age. His tact and sagacity in discovering facts, 
and causes, and motives are equalled only by his astonishing 
power of description; and in the faculty of making his narra- 
tives and disquisitions attractive by the judicious, but liberal 
employment of wit, humour, and playful, yet apt illustrations 
he has never had a superior. His most finished productions are 
those addressed in fact to the people of this city, but nominally 
to his old friend Mr. Dwight; and when these are collected, 
which we understand to be in contemplation, there can be no 
doubt that the sale will be tremendous. 


The Publishers deem it due to Major Downing to 
state, that the preceding are but a very few of the 
numerous notices which have appeared in different 
parts of the country in commendation of his interest- 
ing and very valuable Letters., Those which are 
here introduced will, however, afford sufficient evi- 
dence of the unprecedented popularity of the Major’s 
correspondence, and of the extent to which it has 
been already appreciated. 


~PROSPECTUS 


OF THE 


LIBRARY OF SELECT NOVELS. 


all ', 


Fioririovus composition is now admitted to form an extensive. and im- 
portant portion of literature, Well-wrought novels take their rank by the 
side of real narratives, and are appealed to as evidence in all questions 
concerning man. In them the customs of countries, the transitions and 
shades of character, and even the very peculiarities of costume and dia- 
lect, are curiously preserved ; and the imperishable spirit that surrounds 
and keeps them for the use of successive generations renders the rarities 
for ever fresh and green. In them human life is laid down as on a map. 
The strong and vivid exhibitions of passion and of character which they 
furnish, acquire and maintain the strongest hold upon the curiosity, and, 
it inay be added, the affections of every class of readers; for not only is 
entertainmentin all the various moods of tragedy and comedy provided in 
their pages, but he who reads them ayem ively may often obtain, without 
the bitterness and danger of experience, that knowledge of his fellow- 
creatures which but for such aid could, in the majority of cases, be only 
acquired at a period of life too late to turn it to account. . 

This “ Library of Sefect Novels” will embrace none but such as have 
received the impress of general approbation, or have been written by 
authors of established character ; and the publishers hope to receive such 
encouragement from the public patronage as will enable them in the 
course of time to produce a series of works of uniform appearance, and 
including most of the really valuable novels and romances that have been 
or shall be issued from the modern English and American press. 

There is scarcely any question connected with the interests ofliterature 
which has been more thoroughly discussed and investigated than that of 
the utility or evil of novel reading. In its favour much may be and has 
been said, and it must be admitted that the reasonings of those who be- 
lieve novels te be injurious, or at least useless, are not without force and 
plausibility. Yet, if the arguments against novels are closely examined, 
it will be found that they are more applicable in general to excessive in- 
dulgence in the pleasures afforded by the perusal of fictitious adventures 
than to the works themselves; and that the evils which can be justly 
ascribed to them arise almost exclusively, not from any peculiar.noxious 
qualities that can be fairly attributed to novels as a species, but frora those 
individual works which in their class must be pronounced to be indif- 
ferent. 

But even were it otherwise—were novels of every kind, the good as 
well as the bad, the striking and animated not less than the puerile, in- 
deed liable to the charge of enfeebling or perverting the mind; and were 
there no qualities in any which might render them instructive as well as 
amusing—the universal acceptation which they have ever received, and 
still continue vo receive, from all ages and classes of men, would prove 
an irresistible incentive to their production. The remonstrances of moral- 
ists and the reasonings of philosophy have ever been, and will still be 
found, unavailing against the desire to partake of an enjoyment so attrac- 
tive. Men will read novels; and therefore the utmost that wisdom and 
philanthropy can dois to cater prudently for the public appetite, and, as it 
is hopeless to attempt the exclusion of fictitious writings from the shelves 
of the library, to see that they are encumbered with the least possible 
number of such as have no other merit than that of novelty. : 


HARPER'S FAMILY LIBRARY. 


DESIGNED FOR ADULT PERSONS 


“ Books that you may carry to the fire, and hold readily in your hand, 
are the most useful after all.. A man will often look at them, and be 
tempted to go on, when he would have been frightened at books of a larger 
size, and of a more erudite appearance.” — Dr. JOHNSON. 


Tue proprietors of the Family Library feel-themselves stimulated to 
increased exertions by the distinguished favour with which it has already 
been received. 

The volumes now before the public may be confidently appealed to 
as proofs of zeal on the part of the publishers to present to their readers 
a series of productions, which, as they are connected, not with ephemeral, 
but with permanent subjects, may, years hence as well as now, be con- 
sulted for lively amusement as weil as solid instruction. 

To render this Library still more worthy of patronage, the propric- 
tors propose incorporating in it. such works of interest and value as 
may appear in the various Libraries and Miscellanies now preparing in 
Europe, particularly ‘‘ Constable’s Miscellany,” the “ Edinburgh Cabinet” 
Library, &c. All these productions, as they ‘emanate from the press, 
will be submitted to literary gentlemen for inspection ; aud none will be 
reprinted but such as shall be found calculated to sustain the exalted 
character which this Library has already acquired. 

Several well-known authors have been engaged to prepare for it original 
works of an American character, on History, Biography, Travels, &c. &e. 

Every distinct subject will in general be comprehended in one volume, 
or at most in three volumes, which may form either a portion of the 
Series or a complete work by itself; and each volume will be embellished 
with appropriate engravings. ; 

The entire series will be the production of authors of eminence, who 
have acquired celebrity by their literary labours, and whose names, as 
they appear in succession, will afford the surest. guarantee to the public 
for the satisfactory manner in which the subjects will be treated. 

Such is the plan by which it is intended to form an American Family 
Library, comprising all that is valuable in those branches of knowledge 
which most happily unite entertainment with instruction. The utmost 
care will be taken, not only to exclude whatever can have an injurious 
influence on the mind, but to embrace every thing calculated to strengthen 
the best and most salutary impressions. 

With these arrangements and facilities, the publishers flatter them- 
selves that they shall be able to present to their fellow-citizens a work 
of unparalleled merit and cheapness, embracing subjects adapted to all 
classes of readers, and forming a body of literature deserving the praise 
of having instructed many, and amused all; and above every other spe- 
cies of eulogy, of being fit to be introduced, without reserve or exception, 
by the father of a family to the domestic circle. Meanwhile, the very low 
price at which it is charged renders more extensive patronage necessary 
for its support and prosecution. The mediate encouragement, there- 
fore, of those who approve its plan and execution is respectfully solicited. 
The work may be obtained in complete sets, or in separate numbers, 
from the principal booksellers throughout the United States. 


Notices of the Family Library. 


“The publishers have hitherto fully deserved their daily increasing 
Yeputation by the good taste and judgment which have influenced the 
selections of works for the Family Library.”—-Albany Daily Advertiser. 


“The Family Library—A title which, from the valuable and entertain- 
ing matter the collection contains, as well as from the careful style of its 
execution, it well deserves. No family, indeed, in which there are chil- 
dren to be brought up, ought to be without tkis Library, as it furnishes 
the readiest resources for that education which ought to accompany or 
succeed that of the boarding-school or the academy, and is infinitely more 
@ouducive than either to the cultivation of the intellect.”--Monthly Review. 


“Tt is the duty of every person having a family to put this excellent 
Library into the hands of his children.”—N. Y. Mercantile Advertiser. 


“Tt is one of the recommendations of the Family Library, that it em- 
braces a large circle of interesting matter, of important information and 
agreeable entertainment, in aconcise manner and a cheap form. It is 
eminently calculated for a popular series—published at a price so low, 
that persons of the most moderate income may purchase it--combining a 
Matter and a style that the most ordinary mind may comprehend it, at the 
same time that it is calculated to raise the moral and intellectual character 
of the people.”—Constellation. lige 

‘““We have repeatedly borne testimony to the utility of this work. It ie 
one of the best that has ever been issued from the American press, and 
should be iu the library of every family desirous of treasuring up useful 
knowledge.”—Boston Statesman. 

‘“‘We ventr.re the assertion that there is no publication in the country 
more suitab] y adapted to the taste and requirements of the great mass of 
community, or better calculated to raise the intellectual character of the 
middling classes of society, than the Family Library.”—Boston Masonte 
Btirror. 

“We have so often recommended this enterprising and useful publica- 
tion (the Family Library), that we can here only ;dd, that each succes- 
sive number appears to confirm its merited popularity."— N. Y. American. 

“The little volumes of this series truly comport with their title, and are 
in themselves a Family Library.”—N. Y. Commercial Advertiser. 


“We recommend the whole set of the Family Library as one of the 
cheapest means of affording pleasing instruction, and imparting a proper 
pride in books, with which we are acquainted.”—U. S. Guzette. 

“Jt will prove instructing and amusing to all classes. We are pleased 
to learn that the works comprising this Library have become, as they 
ought to be, quite popular among the heads of families."—N. Y. Gazette. 

‘©The Family Library is, what its name implies, a collection of various 
original works of the best kind, containing reading useful and interesting 
to the family circle. It is neatly printed, and should be in every family 
that can afford it—the price being moderate.” —New-England Palladium. 


“We are pleased to see that the publishers have obtained sufficient en- 
couragement to continue their valuable Family Library.”—-Baltimore Re- 
publican. — a 

“ The Family Library presents, in a compendious and conventent form, 
well-written histories of popular men, kingdoms, sciences, &c. arranged 
and edited by able writers, and drawn entirely from the most correct and 
accredited authorities. It is, as it professes to be, a Family Library, from 
which, at little expense, a household may prepare themselves for a con- 
sideration of those elementary subjects of education and scciety, without a 
due acquaintance with which neither man nor woman has claim to be 
well bred, or to take their proper place among those with whom they 
abide.”—Charleston Gazette. * 


* 


ee 


<a 
a 


. 


Sd 


FAMILY CLASSICAL LIBRARY 


“4 , 
jus . % — 


> ait 
Tus Publishers have much pleasure in recording 
the following testimonials in recommendation of the 
Family Classical Library. 

“Mr. Valpy has projected a Family Classical Library. The idea is 
excellent, and the work cannot fail to be acceptable to youth of both sexes, 
as well as to a large portion of the reading community, who have not had 
the benefit of a learned education.”—Gentleman’s Magazine, Dec. 1829. 

“ We have here the commencement of another undertaking for the more 
general distribution of knowledge, and one which, if as well conducted 
as we may expect, bids fair to occupy an enlarged station in our imme- 
diate literature. The volume before us is a specimen well calculated to 
recommend what are to follow. Leland’s Demosthenes is an excellent 
work.”--Lit. Gazette. 

“This work will be received with great gratification bylevery man who 
knows the value of classical knowledge. All that we call purity of taste, 
vigour of style, and force of thought, has either been taught to the modern 
worl] by the study of the classics, or has been guided and restrained by 
those illustrious models. To extend the knowledge of such works is to 
do a public service.”—-Court Journal. 

“The Family Classical Library is another of those cheap, useful, and 
elegant works, which we lately spoke of as forming an era in our pub 
lishing history.”—wSpectator. 

“The p-esent era seems destined to be honourably distinguished in 
literary history by the high character of the works to which it is succes- 
sively giving birth. Proudly independent of the fleeting taste of the day, 
they boast substantial worth which ean never be disregarded; they put 
forth a claim to permanent estimation. The Family Classical Library is 
a noble undertaking, which the name of the editor assures us will be exe- 
cuted in a style worthy of the great originals.’—Morning Post. 

“This is a very promising speculation; and as the taste of the day runs 
just now very strongly in favour of such Miscellanies, we doubt not it 
will meet with proportionate success. It needs no adventitious aid, how- 
ever influential; it has quite sufficient merit to enable it to stand on 
its own foundation, and will doubtless assume a lofty grade in publie 
favour ”—Sun 

“This work, published at a low price, is beautifully got up. Though 
to profess to be content with translations of the Classics has been ae 
nounced as ‘the thin disguise of indolence,’ there are thousands who 
have no leisure for studying the dead languages, who would yet Jike to 
know what was thought and said by the sages and poets of antiquity. 
To them this work will be a treasure."—Sunday Times. 

“This design, which is to communicate a knowledge of the mest 
esteemed authors of Greece and Rome, by the most approved translations, 


to those from whom their treasures, without such assistance, would be — | 


hidden, must surely be approved by every friend of Jiterature, by every 
lover of mankind. We shall only say of the first volume, that as the 
executior. well accords with the design, it must command general appro- 
bation.”—The Observer. rey 

“We see no reason why this work should not find its way into the 
boudoir of the lady, as well as into the library of the learned. It is cheap, 
portable, and altogether a work which may safely be placed in the hands 
ef persons of both sexes.”"— Weekly Free Press. 

*. 


cad 


3 


ne ie 4 th ) 

, We tate 
AREER RMD 
eA dA 
RAW AYR 


# ) 1 i 
: fe ent 
i. t 
hip ale (eee Wek Way ‘ , : ‘ ‘ A 
v / : : 
“rts ii t ' rt : : 
i Ate ‘ y ‘ 

Pitea | Wye ‘ Meany AS yee 


UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS-URBANA 


ST 


3 0112 032747427 


yen 
an at ib ; Hetiet i 
i he} 4 \ 
hit i i j \ i 
ele pve i] , ‘ } \ 
ape i { ea iy j i Gis 
Wed i 4 é wl i 7 t i ( : 
RAP aS eas eg i j i } 
festa Fatt j 
Weur de fe kh ih { Wi 
bbe feet sta! i be bal ) abet " 
fined i i i } J : wie 
eae iat f ! \ Bed | 
fede fet i ‘ 
F { t i i | t 
bel bith { Vee eS y 1 ‘ 
i 1 i Wes 1 
Tapa res hey t Cin i 
i ’ , 
heh it \ it ¥ i 
‘ ’ i-4 i ) yi $ i 1 ‘ 
i Ted hehe | 
j ww rhea 10) 
\ it Whe ‘ ) i i} 
‘ 4 ; ’ ' rT ‘ 4 wt 
Ha Weide 4 te i } 
Heddle it f (ara thy Hel i 
i] hh ‘ ‘ f 4 { ' ‘i V i ' 
Wetbebe | ie LA | 
beh \ { } t { 
vies i ‘ \ La 
daa eae | t i f \ ' 
Heh Mee BURY 
* Y ) i i toa 1 
/ ; 
yo a us) ! 
a Hh Weactey? 1 Woe DS hf! hee { Hy i 
{ fee vio i / { ‘ 
y a i f { i i¢ ty H 1 
' Lia | \ rf Tr jn pt 
4 Pea fetiete ey ( { ‘ U } 
‘ ie ye a { ‘ 1 \ ry (7 ‘ \ ! ' of 
if f | ! ¥ 4 LJ 
Sas 1 N \ ir ’ 
’ i f rt \ { 1 
(nr fitey tie (abe w | i ( 
4 y PAL eH LE y t \ y i tal ae f . 
% H i 2 me’ rt } ‘ 
A Pewee hey +) ' if 4 iF | 74 icf . 
it ‘ i ' 
i heed i j i “ii fi { 4 iri } 
' i hohe i ‘ i ea f | ij 
ante oa ta a v4 f ( ( i ‘ j { 
iW he} t « t { ry ‘ ' 1 { 
igh i : Te aeire ned 
eye 4 itt hewle a wh 1 , vt th 
: . 4 
Bbw ty S} ' wt ntt | ' , J , WY, a \ , 
ieee bear de Atel ; Hes f ‘ 
‘ Hae be te Fee i! q t A 
PME dic §\r4 i ‘ i edt By 
Vedi Me Me fo heal (Calera WeDo p ped j } ‘ 
Wed oan bh iT i wee J t 
il ' 4 i i } 
/ | { i bak h t 
tie We TE Ree heeds wef tpe Mey: ti c l 2b Pe Al f ‘ 
57h Pe) PVE Wed i U ' \ ' 
fe heed 
a femaran siege 4 Cran ey 1 Nahe 14 “I i i 
: vir ry j ri fl ek ar 4 ‘ 
fe aaanaierge Lick { ( n \ ( 
4 ' 7 $ U , $ i 
i die GM j i iii r 


